作者htjnt0703 (常威)
看板Eng-Class
標題[求鞭] 想請版上前輩批判我的文章
時間Mon Feb 27 10:54:54 2017
各位好，因想練習作文無人可改，想請版上英文高手鞭我，下面是雅思的考題，想請問這
樣大概的分數是？非常謝謝各位幫忙的前輩，感恩。
題目：The government money should be invested in teaching science rather than
other subjects so as to help a country make progress and develop. To what exte
nt do you agree or disagree?
答案
The proverb says:” Science is the mother of technology”. Technology has been
hugely and quickly developing since the 1990s. Every country wants to be a t
e
chnological leader . That requires many countries to invest a lot of money in
science territory instead of other subjects. In my opinion, I disagree putting
mostly sources in science rather than other subjects.
First, putting most part of source into a single subject is wrong decision. Ta
king history as a mirror. A country which makes people respect is not only by
their technology or military force, but also by their soft power. For example,
America is a standard example of the democratic countries in the world and is
followed by some countries. Because America’s freedom of speech and democrat
ic-politic system makes a lot people learn from it instead of just technology
development.
Second, There are many talent people specializing in different subjects. One i
s interested in natural science. Another loves social science instead. If gove
rnment puts almost money in science. It will give an implication that you have
a more job opportunities if you major in science because our government just
focus on technology development now. Maybe some of students who are not good a
t science will be forced to choose the subject he really not interested.
I can figure out why politicians always advocated putting part of educational
budget on science. Perhaps technology will gives human progress and better lif
e. However, we should not ignore other subject which bring mental satisfied to
us.
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※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 182.239.100.140
※ 編輯: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:29:57
※ 編輯: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:52:36
1F：→ dunchee: 分數不會高，恐怕會很低。題目是要你回答"(對前述敘述內 02/27 11:53
2F：→ dunchee: 容)你同意或是不同意(到何程度)"，不是在問你你對"... 02/27 11:53
3F：→ dunchee: in ... science ..."這敘述的了解有多深。你整篇文章都沒02/27 11:53
4F：→ dunchee: 有明確的說你到底是agree還是disagree，所以你的文章基本02/27 11:54
5F：→ dunchee: 上是答非所問，這是大忌...02/27 11:54
※ 編輯: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:57:32
6F：→ htjnt0703: 修改了，如果加上不同意之後呢(第一段尾巴)?之後的文可 02/27 11:58
7F：→ htjnt0703: 以嗎 02/27 11:58
8F：→ htjnt0703: 非常謝謝樓上大大，感恩 02/27 12:09
9F：→ yoson: 加上disagree之後 跟你前面的鋪陳是相反的耶 02/28 02:00
10F：→ yoson: 理由的第一段，topic sentence 不夠清晰，沒辦法表彰整段 02/28 02:06
11F：→ yoson: 論點；理由第二段的topic sentence 是錯的，你是要說「每 02/28 02:06
12F：→ yoson: 個人的天份在不同領域」不是要說「每個人專精在不同領域吧 02/28 02:06
13F：→ yoson: ？ 02/28 02:06
14F：→ yoson: 此外 文法、用字錯誤也不少，就不一一列舉了 02/28 02:08
15F：推 kee32: 所以要請家教，寫作這種東西，自修非常難（海明威表示：） 02/28 10:14
16F：推 fr75: 寫得很沒說服力，從政策和社會影響著手比較好。內容空洞， 03/01 22:58
17F：→ fr75: 辭藻華麗不會讓文章更好。 03/01 22:58
18F：推 kkben: 感謝一樓 03/04 13:27