作者htjnt0703 (常威)
看板Eng-Class
标题[求鞭] 想请版上前辈批判我的文章
时间Mon Feb 27 10:54:54 2017
各位好，因想练习作文无人可改，想请版上英文高手鞭我，下面是雅思的考题，想请问这
样大概的分数是？非常谢谢各位帮忙的前辈，感恩。
题目：The government money should be invested in teaching science rather than
other subjects so as to help a country make progress and develop. To what exte
nt do you agree or disagree?
答案
The proverb says:” Science is the mother of technology”. Technology has been
hugely and quickly developing since the 1990s. Every country wants to be a t
e
chnological leader . That requires many countries to invest a lot of money in
science territory instead of other subjects. In my opinion, I disagree putting
mostly sources in science rather than other subjects.
First, putting most part of source into a single subject is wrong decision. Ta
king history as a mirror. A country which makes people respect is not only by
their technology or military force, but also by their soft power. For example,
America is a standard example of the democratic countries in the world and is
followed by some countries. Because America’s freedom of speech and democrat
ic-politic system makes a lot people learn from it instead of just technology
development.
Second, There are many talent people specializing in different subjects. One i
s interested in natural science. Another loves social science instead. If gove
rnment puts almost money in science. It will give an implication that you have
a more job opportunities if you major in science because our government just
focus on technology development now. Maybe some of students who are not good a
t science will be forced to choose the subject he really not interested.
I can figure out why politicians always advocated putting part of educational
budget on science. Perhaps technology will gives human progress and better lif
e. However, we should not ignore other subject which bring mental satisfied to
us.
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※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc), 来自: 182.239.100.140
※ 编辑: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:29:57
※ 编辑: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:52:36
1F：→ dunchee: 分数不会高，恐怕会很低。题目是要你回答"(对前述叙述内 02/27 11:53
2F：→ dunchee: 容)你同意或是不同意(到何程度)"，不是在问你你对"... 02/27 11:53
3F：→ dunchee: in ... science ..."这叙述的了解有多深。你整篇文章都没02/27 11:53
4F：→ dunchee: 有明确的说你到底是agree还是disagree，所以你的文章基本02/27 11:54
5F：→ dunchee: 上是答非所问，这是大忌...02/27 11:54
※ 编辑: htjnt0703 (182.239.100.140), 02/27/2017 11:57:32
6F：→ htjnt0703: 修改了，如果加上不同意之後呢(第一段尾巴)?之後的文可 02/27 11:58
7F：→ htjnt0703: 以吗 02/27 11:58
8F：→ htjnt0703: 非常谢谢楼上大大，感恩 02/27 12:09
9F：→ yoson: 加上disagree之後 跟你前面的铺陈是相反的耶 02/28 02:00
10F：→ yoson: 理由的第一段，topic sentence 不够清晰，没办法表彰整段 02/28 02:06
11F：→ yoson: 论点；理由第二段的topic sentence 是错的，你是要说「每 02/28 02:06
12F：→ yoson: 个人的天份在不同领域」不是要说「每个人专精在不同领域吧 02/28 02:06
13F：→ yoson: ？ 02/28 02:06
14F：→ yoson: 此外 文法、用字错误也不少，就不一一列举了 02/28 02:08
15F：推 kee32: 所以要请家教，写作这种东西，自修非常难（海明威表示：） 02/28 10:14
16F：推 fr75: 写得很没说服力，从政策和社会影响着手比较好。内容空洞， 03/01 22:58
17F：→ fr75: 辞藻华丽不会让文章更好。 03/01 22:58
18F：推 kkben: 感谢一楼 03/04 13:27