先大致上改一改 但關於邏輯合表達的部份建議再多寫一些東西 [ ] 是我建議的段落順序 還有你需要寫個結尾 提出為什麼你是此面試機會最佳人選的理由 ※ 引述《yetta2011 (加油!)》之銘言： : 星期六要面試了 : 寫了一篇簡單的自我介紹 : 希望板上大大可以幫我修一下 : 謝謝! : My name is XXX. 21 years old. I come from Taipei, it is a convenient city : and I was born in a warm family.I'm a senior in Fu Jen University and my major : is Accounting. I choose it because the future. [1] My name is xxx. I am an Accounting major in my senior year studying at Fu Jen University. (幾歲跟是台北人跟你適不適合你面試的機會無關 所以不需要在此提供 再來你可以形容 為什麼你對Accounting有興趣 而不是只是為了籠統的"未來") : I'm an easygoing girl. I get along with other people very well. : My favorite activity in my leisure time is read novels and newspaper . : I have ever attended the volunteer club. The club’s members are from : different kind of departments, so I met many people there. In that club, I : found how happiness I am. [4] 這裡是講個人個性跟喜好 應該放在最後一段或倒數第二段 前兩句可以刪 你可以用你參與的活動舉例你如何跟他人相處愉快 直接講只是自我誇讚 先挑兩句改文法 "I attended the volunteer club...繼續 "I found how happy I am because...繼續" 例子永遠比用簡單形容詞來得有說服力 : I also did a lot of part-time job in my college life. It could not only : extend my social life , but also learn the skill how to deal with the problem. : ***新增的*** [3] Aside from school I had many part-time job experiences during college. they not only enriched my social life but also improved my problem solving skill. : Freshman year, second grade, when my grades were not good. : But I did not give up, I still have to find their own way of reading. : In the third year of college, I have great achievements and progress, let me : know, if you work hard, nothing is impossible. : 大一大二的時候，我的成績不好 : 但我沒有放棄，我還是一直在尋找適合自己的讀書方式 : 直到大三，我的成績有大幅的進步，讓我了解到，只要肯努力，沒有什麼事情 : 是做不到的。 [2] During the first two years of college, even though I earned less desirable grades, I continued to search for a more productive way of learning. As a result I made strong progress starting Junior year, and showed myself that nothing is unachievable as long as one is willing to work hard. [5] 結尾 --

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