先大致上改一改 但关於逻辑合表达的部份建议再多写一些东西 [ ] 是我建议的段落顺序 还有你需要写个结尾 提出为什麽你是此面试机会最佳人选的理由 ※ 引述《yetta2011 (加油!)》之铭言： : 星期六要面试了 : 写了一篇简单的自我介绍 : 希望板上大大可以帮我修一下 : 谢谢! : My name is XXX. 21 years old. I come from Taipei, it is a convenient city : and I was born in a warm family.I'm a senior in Fu Jen University and my major : is Accounting. I choose it because the future. [1] My name is xxx. I am an Accounting major in my senior year studying at Fu Jen University. (几岁跟是台北人跟你适不适合你面试的机会无关 所以不需要在此提供 再来你可以形容 为什麽你对Accounting有兴趣 而不是只是为了笼统的"未来") : I'm an easygoing girl. I get along with other people very well. : My favorite activity in my leisure time is read novels and newspaper . : I have ever attended the volunteer club. The club’s members are from : different kind of departments, so I met many people there. In that club, I : found how happiness I am. [4] 这里是讲个人个性跟喜好 应该放在最後一段或倒数第二段 前两句可以删 你可以用你参与的活动举例你如何跟他人相处愉快 直接讲只是自我夸赞 先挑两句改文法 "I attended the volunteer club...继续 "I found how happy I am because...继续" 例子永远比用简单形容词来得有说服力 : I also did a lot of part-time job in my college life. It could not only : extend my social life , but also learn the skill how to deal with the problem. : ***新增的*** [3] Aside from school I had many part-time job experiences during college. they not only enriched my social life but also improved my problem solving skill. : Freshman year, second grade, when my grades were not good. : But I did not give up, I still have to find their own way of reading. : In the third year of college, I have great achievements and progress, let me : know, if you work hard, nothing is impossible. : 大一大二的时候，我的成绩不好 : 但我没有放弃，我还是一直在寻找适合自己的读书方式 : 直到大三，我的成绩有大幅的进步，让我了解到，只要肯努力，没有什麽事情 : 是做不到的。 [2] During the first two years of college, even though I earned less desirable grades, I continued to search for a more productive way of learning. As a result I made strong progress starting Junior year, and showed myself that nothing is unachievable as long as one is willing to work hard. [5] 结尾 --

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