作者PowLluimniz (波西米亞)
看板poetry
標題Re: [創作] The feast
時間Mon Apr 18 00:16:02 2005
To tell the truth, I don't think I understand the poem.
I am just pointing out what confuses me.
Early in the poem, "first debut" (1) gives me a feeling
that this is not the only life of the narrator,
maybe just one of the reincarnations;
but "the feast" (2) confuses me immediately because
there was no clue for the symbol except for "the luscious wine" (3).
However, the surging wine sounds weird since the wine should
not, normally, be surging from the glass like some magic;
and "toxic waste" (4) apparently does not parallel with the wine.
Does the first 4 lines mean the narrator is born and forced to have a feast,
in which he had no more luscious wine to drink
but he could not but feel intoxicated (in a negative way)?
The 5th line shifts to a more self-reflective condition;
yet "the vast" (5) again confuses me.
Does that mean wilderness? Open sea? (the connection to the former lines?)
The confusion makes me unable to perceive the struggle of the narrator.
I get totally lost in the 7th line, but I seem somehow to understand
maybe the narrator is poisoned by the toxic waste.
Despite my several problems, the poem rhymes not too bad.
It resembles at the first look a symbolist poem,
but one may want to make the symbols more prominent.
Lastly, I think luxuriant needs an adverb form if it modifies "suffer" (2),
and "Drift" (5) an -ing if it modifies the narrator.
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◆ From: 140.112.194.17
※ 編輯: PowLluimniz 來自: 140.112.194.17 (04/18 00:26)
1F:推 silencio1984:Thanks for ur detailed comments! 140.112.5.81 04/18
2F:推 ianjelly:我覺得詩很短所以第一段文法跟用詞要較confined 140.119.137.42 04/20
3F:→ ianjelly:first這字有點多餘,但我看出你結尾很用心 140.119.137.42 04/20
4F:→ ianjelly:讀時很快樂 像在猜謎^^ 140.119.137.42 04/20