作者johnny790218 (全知)
看板NCCU
標題[徵文] 空水岸電梯計
時間Fri Apr 19 00:10:14 2013
本文情節乃虛構，若有姓名音近雷同純屬巧合。
濕滑分撥已定，先引五千兵去各系所挪用經費。忽然十餘次飛鴿報到，說監察院引大
軍十五萬，望指南路蜂擁而來。時濕滑身邊並無大將，止有一班草包；所引五千軍，已分
一半先挪用經費去了，只剩二千五百軍在水岸電梯中。草包聽得這消息，盡皆失色。
濕滑登梯望之，果然塵土沖天，監察兵分兩路望水岸電梯曼殺來。濕滑傳令：眾將校
旗盡皆藏匿；諸軍據守濕滑步道，如有妄行跌倒及批評校方者，立斬；大開水門，每一門
上用二十碩博士，扮作教授，趕論文、賺點數；如監察兵到時，不可擅動，吾自有計。濕
滑乃披鶴氅，戴綸巾，引二小狗，攜校訊一張，於電梯上敵樓前，憑欄而坐，漲學雜費。
卻說監察院前軍哨到城下，見了如此模樣，皆不敢進，急報與聖人。聖人笑而不信，
遂止住三軍，自飛馬遠遠望之，果見濕滑坐於水岸電梯之上，笑容可掬，漲學雜費。 左
有一黃狗，手捧書院計劃；右有一花狗，手執頂大經費；電梯內外有二十餘教授，低頭趕
論文，旁若無人。
聖人看畢，大疑，便到中軍，教後軍作前軍，前軍作後軍，望景美溪而退。監委騰芳
曰：「莫非濕滑沒錢，故作此態，聖人何故便放棄調查？」聖人曰：「濕滑平生謹慎，不
曾挪用經費。今大開水岸電梯，無人搭乘，必有埋伏。我軍若進，中其計也，汝輩焉知？
宜速退。」於是兩路兵盡皆退去。
濕滑見監察軍遠去。撫掌而笑。眾草包無不駭然，乃問濕滑曰：「聖人乃監察院之名
將，今統十五萬精兵到此，見了校長，便速退去，何也？」濕滑曰：「此人料吾平生謹慎
，必不弄險；見水岸電梯無人搭乘，疑有伏兵，所以退去。吾非行險，蓋知學生皆搭校內
公車也。此人必引軍投道南橋去也。吾已令狗后、天殘二人在彼等候。」眾皆驚服，曰：
「校長玄機，神鬼莫測。若某等之見，必拆水岸電梯而走矣。」濕滑曰：「吾兵止有二千
五百，若棄電梯而走，必不能遠遁。得不為監察院所擒乎？」言訖，拍手大笑曰：「吾若
為監察院，必搭大怒神遠眺景美溪也。」
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