作者johnny790218 (全知)
看板NCCU
标题[徵文] 空水岸电梯计
时间Fri Apr 19 00:10:14 2013
本文情节乃虚构，若有姓名音近雷同纯属巧合。
湿滑分拨已定，先引五千兵去各系所挪用经费。忽然十余次飞鸽报到，说监察院引大
军十五万，望指南路蜂拥而来。时湿滑身边并无大将，止有一班草包；所引五千军，已分
一半先挪用经费去了，只剩二千五百军在水岸电梯中。草包听得这消息，尽皆失色。
湿滑登梯望之，果然尘土冲天，监察兵分两路望水岸电梯曼杀来。湿滑传令：众将校
旗尽皆藏匿；诸军据守湿滑步道，如有妄行跌倒及批评校方者，立斩；大开水门，每一门
上用二十硕博士，扮作教授，赶论文、赚点数；如监察兵到时，不可擅动，吾自有计。湿
滑乃披鹤氅，戴纶巾，引二小狗，携校讯一张，於电梯上敌楼前，凭栏而坐，涨学杂费。
却说监察院前军哨到城下，见了如此模样，皆不敢进，急报与圣人。圣人笑而不信，
遂止住三军，自飞马远远望之，果见湿滑坐於水岸电梯之上，笑容可掬，涨学杂费。 左
有一黄狗，手捧书院计划；右有一花狗，手执顶大经费；电梯内外有二十余教授，低头赶
论文，旁若无人。
圣人看毕，大疑，便到中军，教後军作前军，前军作後军，望景美溪而退。监委腾芳
曰：「莫非湿滑没钱，故作此态，圣人何故便放弃调查？」圣人曰：「湿滑平生谨慎，不
曾挪用经费。今大开水岸电梯，无人搭乘，必有埋伏。我军若进，中其计也，汝辈焉知？
宜速退。」於是两路兵尽皆退去。
湿滑见监察军远去。抚掌而笑。众草包无不骇然，乃问湿滑曰：「圣人乃监察院之名
将，今统十五万精兵到此，见了校长，便速退去，何也？」湿滑曰：「此人料吾平生谨慎
，必不弄险；见水岸电梯无人搭乘，疑有伏兵，所以退去。吾非行险，盖知学生皆搭校内
公车也。此人必引军投道南桥去也。吾已令狗后、天残二人在彼等候。」众皆惊服，曰：
「校长玄机，神鬼莫测。若某等之见，必拆水岸电梯而走矣。」湿滑曰：「吾兵止有二千
五百，若弃电梯而走，必不能远遁。得不为监察院所擒乎？」言讫，拍手大笑曰：「吾若
为监察院，必搭大怒神远眺景美溪也。」
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