The Cheapskate's Guide to Baseball Games http://tinyurl.com/38gthj By Jim Caple Page 2 The folks at Team Marketing Report released their annual Fan Cost Index recently. And not surprisingly, the estimated average price of taking a family of four to a game rose again, this time to $176.24. Team Marketing Report的人最近公布了年度球迷花錢指數的訊息。意料之內的， 一家四口去看一場球賽的平均花費又提高了，這次達到176.24美元之譜。 Of course, the Fan Cost Index would be a better service if it actually bore some relation to reality. No real fan ever spends anywhere close to the amount of money or buys anywhere near all the crap the FCI uses in its estimates. 當然啦，如果能從中看出一些實際消費行為的端倪，那「球迷花費指數」也算是 個挺不賴的服務了。但是我想沒有任何一個地球上的球迷會花掉這筆驚人的金額 或去買那一大堆「球迷花費指數」拿來統計唬爛的商品。 For instance, the FCI assumes a family will buy two official programs. Two programs? Why would anyone need two copies of articles about a player's pet Rottweiler or the wives' charity drive? Two adult caps? Good lord. If you don't already have a complete set of home/road/alternate Sunday/turn back the clock/1995 AL West champion/spring training/batting practice caps, then you clearly don't care enough about the team to go see them play in the first place. And two beers? C'mon, who drinks only two beers at a game? Especially if Jeff Weaver is pitching? 例如說呢，「球迷花費指數」（以下簡稱FCI）就自以為的認定一個家庭會買兩份 大聯盟觀戰指南。兩份觀戰指南？？ 為什麼一個正常人需要兩本充斥著那個誰的 寵物羅德威熱或是誰的老婆搞了個慈善活動的文章的本子？兩頂成人棒球帽？唉唷 喂我的老天爺啊！如果你不是已經擁有完整的一組主場/客場/交替用的 週日/ 復刻版/1995美聯西區冠軍/春訓/打擊練習專用帽，那很顯然你並不會在乎要搶頭 香去看你支持的球隊打球。兩杯啤酒？別鬧了，孩子，誰看場球賽只喝掉兩杯啤 酒？尤其當Jeff Weaver站在投手丘的時候？ For crying out loud, if the Fan Cost Index is going to include such unnecessary extra expenses as caps and programs, it might as well include a full set of replica jerseys and pants, a personal message on the revolving billboard behind home plate and a working bullpen cart. 我們要大聲疾呼啊！如果FCI還是要繼續把像是帽子啊、觀戰指南啊這些又貴又沒 必要的東西算在基本花費裡，那乾脆連整組球衣球褲、本壘後方可以播放球迷留言 的電子看板、牛棚的工作推車也都算進去好了， I wrote about this subject many years ago, back when the Internet still relied on tin cans and rubber tubing, but clearly it's time for an updated version. So here we go -- the New Cheapskate's Guide to Baseball Games. 我很久很久之前就寫過這個題目了，那時候網路還是靠罐頭跟橡膠管撐起來的， 不過現在看來是時候要幫這個主題升級改版了。既然這樣，那就來吧--- 「新 ㊣ 省錢大作戰之看棒球篇」！ PARKING Chumps pay $25 for parking. Cheapskates take public transportation, which provides valuable life lessons for the children: 泊車 笨蛋才花25美元趴車。省錢中隊懂得利用大眾運輸工具，還能給小孩上一堂珍貴的 人生教育課： "Daddy, why is that man talking to himself, picking at his sores and not wearing any pants?" 「把拔~為什麼那個人一邊自言自語，一邊摳身上的爛瘡還下面都光光耶？」 "Because he roots for the Cubs, son." ꄊ 「兒子啊~那是因為他是小熊隊的死忠支持者啊！」 Or we drive our cars around and around and around until we finally find an open spot 17 blocks away. Then we walk four blocks and take the bus the rest of the way, getting to the stadium in plenty of time for the seventh-inning stretch. 或者是我們開車一直繞啊繞啊繞，直到最後在距離17個紅綠燈口遠的地方找到 一個停車格，接著我們走過了四個紅綠燈口搭上巴士最後到達球場的時候剛好 趕上比賽後段的第七局。 TICKETS The Fan Cost Index expects fans to buy box-seat tickets that require a second mortgage. Cheapskates never buy those ones. We sit in the bleachers, where the tickets are a fraction of the price. Not that we ever pay the full price for these tickets, either. Nor do we ever pay a Ticketmaster "convenience" charge. We avoid both by buying our tickets from the hardworking scalpers outside the stadium. And we always negotiate a good price by appearing penniless, because we wear our oldest clothes to the park and don't shower for three days beforehand. We also hold out until the fourth inning, when the scalpers drop their prices. 球票 FCI預期球迷去買包廂球票，省錢中隊從來不買這玩意兒。我們當然是坐在視野 遼闊的頂樓看台區，這兒的球票價格只有包廂球票的零頭。我們也不曾花到票面 上的價格，或是在便利的Ticketmaster網站購票。我們會避免跟場外認真工作的 黃牛買票。我們總是能跟那些看起來很窮的人喊到好價錢，因為我們穿最破爛 的衣服去球場，還特地在球賽開打前三天忍住不洗澡。我們有時候也會努力在 場外凍到第四局，通常那時黃牛都會降價拋售球票。 And, we don't actually sit in the bleachers, mind you. We simply sneak down to the best empty seats we can find, which are usually those expensive box seats left vacant by the corporate suits who went home early, if they bothered to show up at all. 而且，用比較精準的說法，我們通常沒有「坐」在頂樓看台區，真的。我們就偷偷 溜到我們能找到的最優的空位，這些昂貴的空位通常是買團體套票的人提前離開， 或是一些覺得跑來看球很麻煩的人所留下的。 CONCESSIONS Cheapskates never buy food at the concession stand! We sneak it in. We hide kettle corn in our pockets, hot dogs inside our underwear, red licorice under our arms, peanuts in our shoes and vodka bottles up our pants legs. If any of that sounds unappetizing, well, it still adheres more closely to the health code than do the hot dogs at Yankee or Shea Stadium. 賣場 省錢中隊從來不在球場的小吃攤買食物！我們都偷偷來。我們把水壺擠進口袋， 把熱狗塞進內衣，紅甘糖夾腋下，花生丟進鞋子，伏特加綁在大腿。如果上面說的 讓你倒盡胃口，相信我，這些東西絕對比洋基或Shea球場的食物來的健康。 SOUVENIRS Cheapskates wouldn't think of paying ballpark prices for a souvenir cap, bat, T-shirt or jersey. We get them free by only attending giveaway games. And we prefer Barry Bonds Replica Cap Day, when even the kiddie-size caps fit adults. 紀念品 省錢中隊才不可能從口袋裡掏出銀子在球場買昂貴的紀念帽、球棒、T恤或是球 衣。太蠢了，我們會去參加有好康大放送的球賽，特別是「Barry Bonds同款型帽 發送日」，我們會想盡辦法去搶大人也能戴的兒童專用特大帽。 PROGRAMS Again, no one pays $5 for the propaganda that makes up the typical team program. Cheapskates know there are cheaper ways to provide better memories that will last our kids the rest of their lives. For instance, cheapskates bring their own scorebooks and teach the kids how to keep score. "Put down another K for Beltre's at-bat, Josh." And we also teach them valuable social skills such as shouting "You suck, Adrian!" at Beltre after he strikes out AGAIN with runners on second and third and two out. 觀戰指南 一樣，沒人會花5美元去買大聯盟福音傳播委員會做出來的硬梆梆球隊觀戰指南。 省錢中隊知道有更便宜的方法可以讓孩子們獲得更美好的回憶，讓他們在下半輩 子還念念不忘這難忘的時刻。舉例來說，省錢中隊會帶著自己做的球賽攻守記錄 本，教導小孩怎麼做球賽記錄。 「賈許，趕快在Beltre的打擊攔填上另一個三振！」 而且我們會教導小孩非常重要的社交技巧，例如當Beltre在兩人出局二三壘有人 的情況下又吃了一張老K，我們就會教他們大喊：「Adrian！回家吃便便！」 I'm proud to say that the Cheapskates Cost Index is $34, and it hasn't risen in a decade. Although that depends on whether you include the cost of your car being towed after you leave it in a No Parking zone. 我很驕傲這個「省錢中隊花費指數」只要34美元，而且十年內都沒有上漲。雖然 這並沒有包括你把車子停在禁止停車區域的拖吊費。 -------- 只節錄跟標題相關的內容 以下則省略 如有謬誤請溫柔的鞭~肝溫 --

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