The Cheapskate's Guide to Baseball Games http://tinyurl.com/38gthj By Jim Caple Page 2 The folks at Team Marketing Report released their annual Fan Cost Index recently. And not surprisingly, the estimated average price of taking a family of four to a game rose again, this time to $176.24. Team Marketing Report的人最近公布了年度球迷花钱指数的讯息。意料之内的， 一家四口去看一场球赛的平均花费又提高了，这次达到176.24美元之谱。 Of course, the Fan Cost Index would be a better service if it actually bore some relation to reality. No real fan ever spends anywhere close to the amount of money or buys anywhere near all the crap the FCI uses in its estimates. 当然啦，如果能从中看出一些实际消费行为的端倪，那「球迷花费指数」也算是 个挺不赖的服务了。但是我想没有任何一个地球上的球迷会花掉这笔惊人的金额 或去买那一大堆「球迷花费指数」拿来统计唬烂的商品。 For instance, the FCI assumes a family will buy two official programs. Two programs? Why would anyone need two copies of articles about a player's pet Rottweiler or the wives' charity drive? Two adult caps? Good lord. If you don't already have a complete set of home/road/alternate Sunday/turn back the clock/1995 AL West champion/spring training/batting practice caps, then you clearly don't care enough about the team to go see them play in the first place. And two beers? C'mon, who drinks only two beers at a game? Especially if Jeff Weaver is pitching? 例如说呢，「球迷花费指数」（以下简称FCI）就自以为的认定一个家庭会买两份 大联盟观战指南。两份观战指南？？ 为什麽一个正常人需要两本充斥着那个谁的 宠物罗德威热或是谁的老婆搞了个慈善活动的文章的本子？两顶成人棒球帽？唉唷 喂我的老天爷啊！如果你不是已经拥有完整的一组主场/客场/交替用的 周日/ 复刻版/1995美联西区冠军/春训/打击练习专用帽，那很显然你并不会在乎要抢头 香去看你支持的球队打球。两杯啤酒？别闹了，孩子，谁看场球赛只喝掉两杯啤 酒？尤其当Jeff Weaver站在投手丘的时候？ For crying out loud, if the Fan Cost Index is going to include such unnecessary extra expenses as caps and programs, it might as well include a full set of replica jerseys and pants, a personal message on the revolving billboard behind home plate and a working bullpen cart. 我们要大声疾呼啊！如果FCI还是要继续把像是帽子啊、观战指南啊这些又贵又没 必要的东西算在基本花费里，那乾脆连整组球衣球裤、本垒後方可以播放球迷留言 的电子看板、牛棚的工作推车也都算进去好了， I wrote about this subject many years ago, back when the Internet still relied on tin cans and rubber tubing, but clearly it's time for an updated version. So here we go -- the New Cheapskate's Guide to Baseball Games. 我很久很久之前就写过这个题目了，那时候网路还是靠罐头跟橡胶管撑起来的， 不过现在看来是时候要帮这个主题升级改版了。既然这样，那就来吧--- 「新 ㊣ 省钱大作战之看棒球篇」！ PARKING Chumps pay $25 for parking. Cheapskates take public transportation, which provides valuable life lessons for the children: 泊车 笨蛋才花25美元趴车。省钱中队懂得利用大众运输工具，还能给小孩上一堂珍贵的 人生教育课： "Daddy, why is that man talking to himself, picking at his sores and not wearing any pants?" 「把拔~为什麽那个人一边自言自语，一边抠身上的烂疮还下面都光光耶？」 "Because he roots for the Cubs, son." ꄊ 「儿子啊~那是因为他是小熊队的死忠支持者啊！」 Or we drive our cars around and around and around until we finally find an open spot 17 blocks away. Then we walk four blocks and take the bus the rest of the way, getting to the stadium in plenty of time for the seventh-inning stretch. 或者是我们开车一直绕啊绕啊绕，直到最後在距离17个红绿灯口远的地方找到 一个停车格，接着我们走过了四个红绿灯口搭上巴士最後到达球场的时候刚好 赶上比赛後段的第七局。 TICKETS The Fan Cost Index expects fans to buy box-seat tickets that require a second mortgage. Cheapskates never buy those ones. We sit in the bleachers, where the tickets are a fraction of the price. Not that we ever pay the full price for these tickets, either. Nor do we ever pay a Ticketmaster "convenience" charge. We avoid both by buying our tickets from the hardworking scalpers outside the stadium. And we always negotiate a good price by appearing penniless, because we wear our oldest clothes to the park and don't shower for three days beforehand. We also hold out until the fourth inning, when the scalpers drop their prices. 球票 FCI预期球迷去买包厢球票，省钱中队从来不买这玩意儿。我们当然是坐在视野 辽阔的顶楼看台区，这儿的球票价格只有包厢球票的零头。我们也不曾花到票面 上的价格，或是在便利的Ticketmaster网站购票。我们会避免跟场外认真工作的 黄牛买票。我们总是能跟那些看起来很穷的人喊到好价钱，因为我们穿最破烂 的衣服去球场，还特地在球赛开打前三天忍住不洗澡。我们有时候也会努力在 场外冻到第四局，通常那时黄牛都会降价抛售球票。 And, we don't actually sit in the bleachers, mind you. We simply sneak down to the best empty seats we can find, which are usually those expensive box seats left vacant by the corporate suits who went home early, if they bothered to show up at all. 而且，用比较精准的说法，我们通常没有「坐」在顶楼看台区，真的。我们就偷偷 溜到我们能找到的最优的空位，这些昂贵的空位通常是买团体套票的人提前离开， 或是一些觉得跑来看球很麻烦的人所留下的。 CONCESSIONS Cheapskates never buy food at the concession stand! We sneak it in. We hide kettle corn in our pockets, hot dogs inside our underwear, red licorice under our arms, peanuts in our shoes and vodka bottles up our pants legs. If any of that sounds unappetizing, well, it still adheres more closely to the health code than do the hot dogs at Yankee or Shea Stadium. 卖场 省钱中队从来不在球场的小吃摊买食物！我们都偷偷来。我们把水壶挤进口袋， 把热狗塞进内衣，红甘糖夹腋下，花生丢进鞋子，伏特加绑在大腿。如果上面说的 让你倒尽胃口，相信我，这些东西绝对比洋基或Shea球场的食物来的健康。 SOUVENIRS Cheapskates wouldn't think of paying ballpark prices for a souvenir cap, bat, T-shirt or jersey. We get them free by only attending giveaway games. And we prefer Barry Bonds Replica Cap Day, when even the kiddie-size caps fit adults. 纪念品 省钱中队才不可能从口袋里掏出银子在球场买昂贵的纪念帽、球棒、T恤或是球 衣。太蠢了，我们会去参加有好康大放送的球赛，特别是「Barry Bonds同款型帽 发送日」，我们会想尽办法去抢大人也能戴的儿童专用特大帽。 PROGRAMS Again, no one pays $5 for the propaganda that makes up the typical team program. Cheapskates know there are cheaper ways to provide better memories that will last our kids the rest of their lives. For instance, cheapskates bring their own scorebooks and teach the kids how to keep score. "Put down another K for Beltre's at-bat, Josh." And we also teach them valuable social skills such as shouting "You suck, Adrian!" at Beltre after he strikes out AGAIN with runners on second and third and two out. 观战指南 一样，没人会花5美元去买大联盟福音传播委员会做出来的硬梆梆球队观战指南。 省钱中队知道有更便宜的方法可以让孩子们获得更美好的回忆，让他们在下半辈 子还念念不忘这难忘的时刻。举例来说，省钱中队会带着自己做的球赛攻守记录 本，教导小孩怎麽做球赛记录。 「贾许，赶快在Beltre的打击拦填上另一个三振！」 而且我们会教导小孩非常重要的社交技巧，例如当Beltre在两人出局二三垒有人 的情况下又吃了一张老K，我们就会教他们大喊：「Adrian！回家吃便便！」 I'm proud to say that the Cheapskates Cost Index is $34, and it hasn't risen in a decade. Although that depends on whether you include the cost of your car being towed after you leave it in a No Parking zone. 我很骄傲这个「省钱中队花费指数」只要34美元，而且十年内都没有上涨。虽然 这并没有包括你把车子停在禁止停车区域的拖吊费。 -------- 只节录跟标题相关的内容 以下则省略 如有谬误请温柔的鞭~肝温 --

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