如同上篇文章的推文 老實說 你這篇文章 光是內容就有很大的問題了 除了文章邏輯組織問題無敵大 內容空洞到不行 根本沒辦法幫你改...(想幫你重寫都很難~~~) 非常建議你重新思考過內容!!! ※ 引述《marvelousbre ( )》之銘言： : My name is XXX. I majored in OOO at XX University. : Besides, I just got the degree of master of OOO at XX University. 基本上 My name is XXX. 就不用寫了 非常多此一舉 因為很多文件上都會出現你的名字了 除非沒有地方會出現再寫 畢業的學校和科系也是同樣的道理 如果真要寫 用 and then 作連接詞 而不是用 besides 斷成兩句 如果想強調"剛畢業" 請直接寫出幾年幾月拿到學位 University 通常也可以省 但是正式文件最好別省 => I got my bachelor's degree in OOO at XX in 月份/年份, and my master's degree in OOO at XX in 月份/年份. : When I was a college student, I always took great responsibility : in club and held many activities at school. 身為一個學生 你的本分是 always 參與社團活動嗎? 這樣會給人極差的負面印象! => In college, I participated in many extracurricular activities. 因為 : I learned how to communicate and cooperate with others in club, 所以 : so I paid much attention to interpersonal management and communication. 直接轉換成中文來思考 你覺得這個句子合理嗎? 如果硬要改: => It has not only aroused my interest in interpersonal management, but also honed my skills in communication and working with people. : Therefore, I love to communicate with others, and I think that : I am suitable for the work of human resources. 這句同樣也是出現非常不合理的狀況 使用了 therefore. 但看不到原因在哪? : I just graduated from XXX. Thus I often tell myself to be humble and ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 之前提過的 就不用再提 : try my best to learn anything. 使用了 "thus" 但也是看不到原因在哪? 學校和人格特質之間有關聯嗎??? : I have good literal and oral expression ability, : and I always ask myself to progress everyday. 換成中文思考 這兩句放在一起對嗎? 另外 介紹自己的部分 最好加強一些事例輔證 否則人家只會覺得你在打嘴砲 : I love challenges and hope you can give me an opportunity : to be a member of your company. => I feel confident of my ability to succeed in your company, and look forward to the opportunity to do so. 結論: 建議你補強內容再上來問 我相信大家都會很願意幫你的 至於 I 很多 不用擔心 這本來就是自傳啊~~~ -- ※ 編輯: meisister 來自: 140.112.228.194 (04/08 15:34)