如同上篇文章的推文 老实说 你这篇文章 光是内容就有很大的问题了 除了文章逻辑组织问题无敌大 内容空洞到不行 根本没办法帮你改...(想帮你重写都很难~~~) 非常建议你重新思考过内容!!! ※ 引述《marvelousbre ( )》之铭言： : My name is XXX. I majored in OOO at XX University. : Besides, I just got the degree of master of OOO at XX University. 基本上 My name is XXX. 就不用写了 非常多此一举 因为很多文件上都会出现你的名字了 除非没有地方会出现再写 毕业的学校和科系也是同样的道理 如果真要写 用 and then 作连接词 而不是用 besides 断成两句 如果想强调"刚毕业" 请直接写出几年几月拿到学位 University 通常也可以省 但是正式文件最好别省 => I got my bachelor's degree in OOO at XX in 月份/年份, and my master's degree in OOO at XX in 月份/年份. : When I was a college student, I always took great responsibility : in club and held many activities at school. 身为一个学生 你的本分是 always 参与社团活动吗? 这样会给人极差的负面印象! => In college, I participated in many extracurricular activities. 因为 : I learned how to communicate and cooperate with others in club, 所以 : so I paid much attention to interpersonal management and communication. 直接转换成中文来思考 你觉得这个句子合理吗? 如果硬要改: => It has not only aroused my interest in interpersonal management, but also honed my skills in communication and working with people. : Therefore, I love to communicate with others, and I think that : I am suitable for the work of human resources. 这句同样也是出现非常不合理的状况 使用了 therefore. 但看不到原因在哪? : I just graduated from XXX. Thus I often tell myself to be humble and ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 之前提过的 就不用再提 : try my best to learn anything. 使用了 "thus" 但也是看不到原因在哪? 学校和人格特质之间有关联吗??? : I have good literal and oral expression ability, : and I always ask myself to progress everyday. 换成中文思考 这两句放在一起对吗? 另外 介绍自己的部分 最好加强一些事例辅证 否则人家只会觉得你在打嘴炮 : I love challenges and hope you can give me an opportunity : to be a member of your company. => I feel confident of my ability to succeed in your company, and look forward to the opportunity to do so. 结论: 建议你补强内容再上来问 我相信大家都会很愿意帮你的 至於 I 很多 不用担心 这本来就是自传啊~~~ -- ※ 编辑: meisister 来自: 140.112.228.194 (04/08 15:34)