You must be Joakim Shoot! Bulls pick guy who can't June 29, 2007, by Rick Morrissey 新同學 Noah 被嗆囉！作者賭他根本不值！ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm easy. My entire opinion of the Bulls' draft was going to be based on whether they would be able to avoid taking Florida's Joakim Noah, who is half TV creation and half marshmallow soft. 我並不苛求，對於公牛選秀的意見只有一個：不要去挑佛大的 Joakim Noah。他一半 是電視產物，另一半如棉花糖般軟弱。 With the ninth overall pick in the NBA draft Thursday night, the Bulls could have taken Washington's Spencer Hawes, Colorado State's Jason Smith or Kansas' Julian Wright, among others. Spencer Hawes, Spencer Hayes, it didn't matter to me. ABJ. Anybody But Joakim. So I had no hopes and dreams when it came to the NBA draft, only one potential nightmare. 以第九順位來說，公牛還有其他人選，分別是 Spencer Hawes、Jason Smitch 或 Julian Wright。以上我覺得都好，但就是別選 Noah Joakim。所以我對這次選秀 也沒抱持什麼特別的希望和夢想，但心裡卻潛在一個夢魘。 The nightmare arrived at 7:25 p.m., when NBA Commissioner David Stern announced the Bulls had done the unthinkable (my words) and taken Noah (his words). 當 Stern 宣佈公牛選了 Noah，這個夢魘終究到來。 It probably isn't the best thing if your entire predraft opinion of a team's draft-night success is based on a player it might or might not take. I understand this. It suggests a certain lack of passion for the process, as if the NBA draft can't help decide a franchise's immediate and long-term future. But I thought I was being cooperative. ABJ. 以上略。 Let me start with this: Noah doesn't have a jump shot. He has a push shot! Fourth-graders heave their shot from their chest, not top-10 draft picks. Now, players who are 7-feet usually don't shoot much from outside. But they do need to be able to shoot a jump shot from at least 10 feet. No way Noah gets that shot off in the NBA. No way. 讓我細說從頭：Noah 不會跳投，他那叫「推投」！一個從胸口出手的四年級生，不 該是前十順位。或許七呎選手不需太多外圍投射，但也至少要能從十呎的地方跳投。 Noah 那種投射根本無法在 NBA 出手！ Last I saw, the Bulls needed an inside scoring presence. Ben Wallace is not a scorer. Tyrus Thomas is a leaper. It's hard to picture Noah playing a role should the Bulls advance farther in the playoffs than they did last season. They are putting him in the "high energy" category, which is code for "can't shoot if his life depended on it." 公牛需要一個內線得分手，但班蛙不是，而 Thomas 是個跳跳人。所以很難想像，Noah 可幫助球隊在季後賽繼續挺進。 "I feel so fortunate, so blessed," Noah said after the Bulls chose him. He should. 「我很幸運、很喜悅，」Noah 在獲選後如此說。他是應該這麼說的！ I'm sure some of you are saying, Rick, these negative feelings you have toward Noah, what gives? Do you have something against his famous father, former tennis star Yannick, or is it simply tennis you hate? Or, with his mother having been the 1978 Miss Sweden, is it that you have something against former Miss Swedens? On the contrary, I'm not sure there is anyone more ardent in his appreciation for former Miss Swedens, nor do I mean to malign the current Miss Sweden or the future crop of titleholders. I also have nothing against the elder Noah or tennis, though I suppose if you pinned me to a wall and injected me with truth serum, I would say Joakim Noah approaches basketball as if it were a non-contact sport—like, oh, I don't know, tennis. 以上略，直指 Noah 受益於父母的名氣。 I do have something against overrated players, and Noah has the look of a classic overrated college player. He is soft—and my opinion of this was in no way formed by the seersucker tuxedo he wore to the draft Thursday. Though it didn't help. 我對於受到高估的選手是有些反感，而 Noah 就像典型受到高估的選手。 (Please clip and save this column. If I'm wrong three years down the line about Noah, I'll douse it with salsa and eat it. If I'm right I'll let you know … but then, you know that about me.) （請把這段牢記、釘好。如果我對 Noah 的說法在三年後錯誤，我就把報紙浸入 salsa 醬，然後吃掉它！） Part of my perception of Noah is television's fault. Every time the poor kid played a game at Florida, you could be sure of at least six camera shots of his dad, the 1983 French Open winner, in the crowd. In last year's NCAA tournament championship game, CBS felt it necessary to show Joakim and his famous father every two minutes. You could understand why —the son was on his way to the most brilliant eight points ever scored in an NCAA title game. But most of my perception is based on the reality that he's just not that good. 以上略，又提到 Noah 的父親了，再次強調 Noah 沒這麼好。 Bulls general manager John Paxson said the team needed more inside presence. Noah is 7 feet, 223 pounds. If he turns sideways, he has no presence, inside or otherwise, aside from his big hair. Paxson 提到球隊需要更多的內線戰力。但 Noah 不論在兩側或禁區內都不會有表現， 除了他那大把的頭髮。 Paxson also called Noah "a proven winner," which is true. With him in the lineup, Florida won back-to-back national championships. But that's like saying that, with Paxson in the lineup, the Bulls won three straight NBA titles. True, but not quite the story. Paxson 也以「已被証實的贏家」來稱呼 Noah。這也沒錯，佛大因有 Noah 在陣中， 已經連拿兩屆冠軍。就像 Paxson 在陣中的公牛也連贏三屆冠軍，但這不足以說明事 實的全貌。 Noah was surrounded by great talent, which is not a sin on his or anybody else's part. Teammate Al Horford was the third overall pick, by Atlanta, and Corey Brewer, another Gator, went seventh to Minnesota. Let the record show Paxson wasn't the only one who had Noah rated highly; it was only a matter of time before he was taken. But Paxson was the one who took him. Noah 的身旁圍繞的可是相當有天賦的球員，像是第三順位被老鷹挑走的 Al Horford、 第七順位被灰狼選去的 Corey Brewer。這使得 Paxson 不是唯一高估 Noah 的人，而 Noah 被選上也只是時間早晚的事，但就偏偏是 Paxson 選了他。 I didn't feel as if I were swinging for the fences Thursday night, to mix my sports metaphors. I wasn't demanding—demanding!—the Bulls get in the Kobe Bryant sweepstakes. I wasn't trying to pull Excalibur from the stone and get Kevin Garnett out of Minnesota. 以上略。 I was looking for another building block who would help the Bulls inch into the Eastern Conference finals in 2008. Noah isn't it. 我也一直在找可以幫助公牛挺進 2008 年東區冠軍的人，但 Noah 不是！ "Mr. Paxson, thank you so much for picking me," Noah told Chicago media members. "I really appreciate it." He really should. 「Paxson 先生，非常感謝你選我，」Noah 這麼告訴芝加哥媒體，「我真的很感激。」 他真的應該要感激。 [email protected] --

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