You must be Joakim Shoot! Bulls pick guy who can't June 29, 2007, by Rick Morrissey 新同学 Noah 被呛罗！作者赌他根本不值！ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm easy. My entire opinion of the Bulls' draft was going to be based on whether they would be able to avoid taking Florida's Joakim Noah, who is half TV creation and half marshmallow soft. 我并不苛求，对於公牛选秀的意见只有一个：不要去挑佛大的 Joakim Noah。他一半 是电视产物，另一半如棉花糖般软弱。 With the ninth overall pick in the NBA draft Thursday night, the Bulls could have taken Washington's Spencer Hawes, Colorado State's Jason Smith or Kansas' Julian Wright, among others. Spencer Hawes, Spencer Hayes, it didn't matter to me. ABJ. Anybody But Joakim. So I had no hopes and dreams when it came to the NBA draft, only one potential nightmare. 以第九顺位来说，公牛还有其他人选，分别是 Spencer Hawes、Jason Smitch 或 Julian Wright。以上我觉得都好，但就是别选 Noah Joakim。所以我对这次选秀 也没抱持什麽特别的希望和梦想，但心里却潜在一个梦魇。 The nightmare arrived at 7:25 p.m., when NBA Commissioner David Stern announced the Bulls had done the unthinkable (my words) and taken Noah (his words). 当 Stern 宣布公牛选了 Noah，这个梦魇终究到来。 It probably isn't the best thing if your entire predraft opinion of a team's draft-night success is based on a player it might or might not take. I understand this. It suggests a certain lack of passion for the process, as if the NBA draft can't help decide a franchise's immediate and long-term future. But I thought I was being cooperative. ABJ. 以上略。 Let me start with this: Noah doesn't have a jump shot. He has a push shot! Fourth-graders heave their shot from their chest, not top-10 draft picks. Now, players who are 7-feet usually don't shoot much from outside. But they do need to be able to shoot a jump shot from at least 10 feet. No way Noah gets that shot off in the NBA. No way. 让我细说从头：Noah 不会跳投，他那叫「推投」！一个从胸口出手的四年级生，不 该是前十顺位。或许七尺选手不需太多外围投射，但也至少要能从十尺的地方跳投。 Noah 那种投射根本无法在 NBA 出手！ Last I saw, the Bulls needed an inside scoring presence. Ben Wallace is not a scorer. Tyrus Thomas is a leaper. It's hard to picture Noah playing a role should the Bulls advance farther in the playoffs than they did last season. They are putting him in the "high energy" category, which is code for "can't shoot if his life depended on it." 公牛需要一个内线得分手，但班蛙不是，而 Thomas 是个跳跳人。所以很难想像，Noah 可帮助球队在季後赛继续挺进。 "I feel so fortunate, so blessed," Noah said after the Bulls chose him. He should. 「我很幸运、很喜悦，」Noah 在获选後如此说。他是应该这麽说的！ I'm sure some of you are saying, Rick, these negative feelings you have toward Noah, what gives? Do you have something against his famous father, former tennis star Yannick, or is it simply tennis you hate? Or, with his mother having been the 1978 Miss Sweden, is it that you have something against former Miss Swedens? On the contrary, I'm not sure there is anyone more ardent in his appreciation for former Miss Swedens, nor do I mean to malign the current Miss Sweden or the future crop of titleholders. I also have nothing against the elder Noah or tennis, though I suppose if you pinned me to a wall and injected me with truth serum, I would say Joakim Noah approaches basketball as if it were a non-contact sport—like, oh, I don't know, tennis. 以上略，直指 Noah 受益於父母的名气。 I do have something against overrated players, and Noah has the look of a classic overrated college player. He is soft—and my opinion of this was in no way formed by the seersucker tuxedo he wore to the draft Thursday. Though it didn't help. 我对於受到高估的选手是有些反感，而 Noah 就像典型受到高估的选手。 (Please clip and save this column. If I'm wrong three years down the line about Noah, I'll douse it with salsa and eat it. If I'm right I'll let you know … but then, you know that about me.) （请把这段牢记、钉好。如果我对 Noah 的说法在三年後错误，我就把报纸浸入 salsa 酱，然後吃掉它！） Part of my perception of Noah is television's fault. Every time the poor kid played a game at Florida, you could be sure of at least six camera shots of his dad, the 1983 French Open winner, in the crowd. In last year's NCAA tournament championship game, CBS felt it necessary to show Joakim and his famous father every two minutes. You could understand why —the son was on his way to the most brilliant eight points ever scored in an NCAA title game. But most of my perception is based on the reality that he's just not that good. 以上略，又提到 Noah 的父亲了，再次强调 Noah 没这麽好。 Bulls general manager John Paxson said the team needed more inside presence. Noah is 7 feet, 223 pounds. If he turns sideways, he has no presence, inside or otherwise, aside from his big hair. Paxson 提到球队需要更多的内线战力。但 Noah 不论在两侧或禁区内都不会有表现， 除了他那大把的头发。 Paxson also called Noah "a proven winner," which is true. With him in the lineup, Florida won back-to-back national championships. But that's like saying that, with Paxson in the lineup, the Bulls won three straight NBA titles. True, but not quite the story. Paxson 也以「已被证实的赢家」来称呼 Noah。这也没错，佛大因有 Noah 在阵中， 已经连拿两届冠军。就像 Paxson 在阵中的公牛也连赢三届冠军，但这不足以说明事 实的全貌。 Noah was surrounded by great talent, which is not a sin on his or anybody else's part. Teammate Al Horford was the third overall pick, by Atlanta, and Corey Brewer, another Gator, went seventh to Minnesota. Let the record show Paxson wasn't the only one who had Noah rated highly; it was only a matter of time before he was taken. But Paxson was the one who took him. Noah 的身旁围绕的可是相当有天赋的球员，像是第三顺位被老鹰挑走的 Al Horford、 第七顺位被灰狼选去的 Corey Brewer。这使得 Paxson 不是唯一高估 Noah 的人，而 Noah 被选上也只是时间早晚的事，但就偏偏是 Paxson 选了他。 I didn't feel as if I were swinging for the fences Thursday night, to mix my sports metaphors. I wasn't demanding—demanding!—the Bulls get in the Kobe Bryant sweepstakes. I wasn't trying to pull Excalibur from the stone and get Kevin Garnett out of Minnesota. 以上略。 I was looking for another building block who would help the Bulls inch into the Eastern Conference finals in 2008. Noah isn't it. 我也一直在找可以帮助公牛挺进 2008 年东区冠军的人，但 Noah 不是！ "Mr. Paxson, thank you so much for picking me," Noah told Chicago media members. "I really appreciate it." He really should. 「Paxson 先生，非常感谢你选我，」Noah 这麽告诉芝加哥媒体，「我真的很感激。」 他真的应该要感激。 [email protected] --

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