相信就算是热恋的情侣，彼此仍然难免有摩擦 在雅虎看到这篇文章的节录版本 因为很喜欢所以找到了原文的版本打成文字档 另外自己加上後半段的翻译(翻得不好请见谅罗^^) 分享给大家！ Decode How He Acts After a Fight (Molly Triffin) In a perfect world, your man would sit you down on the couch and say, "Honey, I'm sorry about what happened"(even if it wasn't his fault). Unfortunately, guy land doesn't work that way. So we asked experts to translate his postbattle behavior. If You Sense Distance Between You, There's Probably Anger Lurking. He Texts You an Apology So after an argument, he sends you a text to make up. Problem is, without tell how he's feeling. "This is a good first step. It shows that after mulling things over, he's attemping to repair the damage," says William July, PhD, author of Understanding the Tin Man. "Although you'd probably prefer a face-to-face talk, he might be avoiding an in-person conversation because talking about his feelings isn't something he's used to." It's easier for him to apologize via electronics, because it gives him a protective filter in case you're upset. But pay attension to his wording and how the text affects you emotionally when you read it. "The devil is in the details," stresses Xavier Amador, PhD, author of I'm Right, You're Wrong, Now What? "If it touches a nerve and makes you feel closer to him, then that means he's genuine." If the message falls flat and leaves you confused or distressed, you need to reach a deeper resolution with him. He Seems Totally Normal You just had a blowout, and your guy appears unfazed -- watching the game, singing in the shower, making spaghetti. Is it opposite day? Does he have sudden-onset amnesia? There are two reasons why he'd be unruffled. "Either it wasn't that big of a deal to him," July says, "or he is really pissed and is tuning you out." To tell which it is, look for little signs. Dose he squeeze your waist while you're doing your makeup, send you a funny link from work, and fill you in about his day as soon as he gets home? If he's warm with you, chances are that he has gotten over it. "But if you sense distance between you, there's probably anger lurking, and this is his passive-aggressive way of deeling with it," July says. He Wants to Move on to Makeup Sex Whoa! Down, boy. The dust has hardly settled before this horn dog wants to work out the tension between the sheets. There's nothing wrong with makeup sex after you've worked through the problem, but don't use it as a Band-Aid. "He might be turning to sex as a way to ignore reallity and achieve a false sense of closeness," July explains. "However, if the dispute isn't solved, the situation will snowball and only get worse." He might also rush to hit the sheets because he's freaked out that the relationship could be on the rocks. "Guys have a fix-it mind-set and want to take action to make things right again," Amador says. "He turns to you physically for reassurance that everything is okay." Let him know that your spat doesn't mean you're breaking up and you still want to be with him. Once he feels that you're on solid ground, he'll be more open to talking. Then tell him that you do need to deal with the original issue. He Buys You Flowers or A Present You'd be crazy to dissuade a guy from bestowing you with roses or jewelry, right? But these goodies can a smoke screen when a dude doesn't want to talk through a dispute. Beware of gifts that aren't accompanied by a sincere apology," July says. "No matter who was to blame, he might be tossing you a consolation prize." If the box of chocolates came with a note reading "I Love you," probe him about how he's feeling. "Thank him, and tell him you're still upset," Amador says. "Yet give him the benefit of the doubt. It might have been a real gesture of regret, only he didn't know how to express it verbally." Also take into accout how personal the gift is. "If he leaves your favorite kind of cheese-cake in the fridge as a surprize, that's truly thoughtful," Jully notes. "It can be a genuine peace offering for longterm couples who don't need to hash out the details of every fight." Whereas a generic bouquet is a tactic to sweep things under the rug. 破解他吵架之後的反应 在最完美的情况中，你的男友会让你在沙发上坐下，然後温柔地对你说：「真的很对不起 。」（就算并非他的错。）不幸的是，男人大多不会这麽做。因此，柯梦请教了专家，为 你分析男人吵架之後的反应。 他在简讯中向你道歉 吵架之後，他传简讯给你，想跟你和好。问题是，他道歉时，若你听不见他的声音，也看 不见他的脸，便很难知道他真正的想法。 两性专家表示：「这是一个很聪明的作法。这展现出他深思熟虑之後，想要弥补伤害的企 图。虽然你可能更想要和他面对面谈谈，他却可能想要避免和你直接对话，因为对他而言 ，他并不习惯坦白说出内心的想法。」透过手机道歉相对而言简单多了，因为万一你怒气 未消，他也不必直接面对你。 但是你要注意他的用字，以及你阅读他的简讯时，自己的情绪又有何变化。专家强调：「 魔鬼就在细节里。如果简讯触动了你的神经，使你觉得与他更亲近，那麽就代表他是真心 诚意的。」如果他的简讯读来平淡，让你困惑或难过，你则需要和他展开更深入的沟通。 他表现出完全没事的样子 你们才刚大吵一架，而你的男友却表现出一副没事的样子——看球赛、边淋浴边唱歌、煮 义大利面，简直像刚发生了什麽好事似的。他突然得了健忘症了吗？他之所以没受到任何 影响，有两个原因。专家说：「吵架的原因对他来说，不是什麽大不了的事；或是他实在 是太不爽了，所以完全忽视你。」 想要区分这两种原因，你必须观察微小的暗示。他还是会在你化妆的时候偷捏一下你的腰 吗？会在上班的时候，传好笑的连结给你吗？一如往常回家後就和你分享当天发生的大小 事吗？如果他对你的态度还是一样，表示他真的忘了你们争吵的缘由。但如果你感觉到两 人之间有距离感，可能表示他在偷偷生气，而这正是他处理自己怒意的「消极攻击方式」 。 他可能认为你是错的，而且还没有原谅你。特别注意他回答你的问题时，答案是否非常简 短；虽然顺着你提出的计画，却完全不提供自己的想法；或是不再和你卿卿我我。在这样 的情况之下，轻松提起你们吵架的原因（例如在看电视的时候），好让这次吵架真正划上 句点。 他想藉由床笫之事和好 哼！男孩给我坐好！事情还没结束之前，这个色胚就想要做爱。专家解释说：「在你处理 这个问题的时候，为了和好的性爱并没有错。但是，别把它当成OK蹦，因为它可能会让性 爱转变成一种忽略现实的方式，甚至对亲密关系有错误的认知。然而，假使争吵没有得到 解决之道，情况则会像滚雪球搬越来越糟。」 他急於做爱，是因为想要修补濒临破裂的关系。专家表示：「男生很坚持，而且想要把情 况拉回正常轨道。实际上，他向你求助，去保证每件事都很好。」让他知道你生气不代表 你想和他分开，而是你还想和他在一起。一旦他知道你是坚定的，他会比较愿意吐露心声 。然後告诉他你真的想要解决这件事。 他送你花或礼物 你一定会劝阻一个男生送你玫瑰或珠宝，对吧？但是当一个花花公子不想和你争吵时， 这些吸引人的东西可能是烟雾弹。 July说：「注意这些礼物并不包括真心的道歉。不管是谁的错，他都可以给你一个安慰的 小礼物。」但如果他送的巧克力盒外头有这着一张写着"我爱你"的小纸条，彷佛正在诉说 着他此刻的心情。Amador说：「跟他说谢谢，告诉他你依然很沮丧，但你相信他。」 「这个礼物可能是表示他後悔了，但他不知道如何用口语表达。」 也要考虑到这个礼物为你设想的程度。 「假使他放了一个你最爱的乳酪蛋糕在冰箱里当作给你的惊喜，那他真的是很贴心。」 「这是一个老夫老妻和好的方式，不需要每一次争执都要坐下来详谈。」 相较之下一束普通的花只是一种逃避现实的手段罢了。 --

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