作者kaifrankwind (大师兄)
看板Translation
标题Fw: [翻译] 快板 (Allegro by Tomas Transtromer)
时间Sat Sep 19 10:27:45 2015
※ [本文转录自 poem 看板 #1L_CRX7D ]
作者: kaifrankwind (大师兄) 看板: poem
标题: [翻译] 快板 (Allegro by Tomas Transtromer)
时间: Sat Sep 19 10:22:22 2015
结束了黑色的一天，我总弹奏海顿
双手可以感受简单的温暖
琴键已待妥，琴槌徐缓落下
那声响青涩、活泼，又富满静谧
它说：自由存在
而某人不愿向帝王纳税
我把手插进我的海顿口袋
表现得像是我冷眼看待一切
我举起我的海顿旗，讯息是：
「我们不会退却，但是想要和平」
音乐是一栋坡上的玻璃房
石头在飞，石头在滚
群群滚石笔直穿越
然而每一面玻璃完整无损
－－－－－
注一：本篇为个人尝试，译自Robin Fulton与Robert Bly二人的英译。还请不吝赐教。
注二：
http://goo.gl/Xj1scD 原文（瑞典文）
注三：
http://goo.gl/W0zdGI Robin Fulton之译本
注四：
https://goo.gl/FMn1OP 托马斯朗诵原诗搭配个人钢琴演奏，底下回覆有Robert
Bly之译本。
－－－－－
Robin Fulton's translation:
I play Haydn after a black day
and feel a simple warmth in my hands.
The keys are willing. Soft hammers strike.
The resonance green, lively and calm.
The music says freedom exists
and someone doesn't pay the emperor tax.
I push down my hands in my Haydnpockets
and imitate a person looking on the world calmly.
I hoist the Haydnflag - it signifies:
"We don't give in. But want peace.'
The music is a glass-house on the slope
where the stones fly, the stones roll.
And the stones roll right through
but each pane stays whole.
Robert Bly's translation:
After a black day, I play Haydn,
and feel a little warmth in my hands.
The keys are ready. Kind hammers fall.
The sound is spirited, green, and full of silence.
The sound says that freedom exists
and someone pays no tax to Caesar.
I shove my hands in my haydnpockets
and act like a man who is calm about it all.
I raise my haydnflag. The signal is:
"We do not surrender. But want peace."
The music is a house of glass standing on a slope;
rocks are flying, rocks are rolling.
The rocks roll straight through the house
but every pane of glass is still whole.
--
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※ 文章网址: https://webptt.com/cn.aspx?n=bbs/poem/M.1442629345.A.1CD.html
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
※ 转录者: kaifrankwind (111.243.243.187), 09/19/2015 10:27:45
※ 编辑: kaifrankwind (111.243.243.187), 09/19/2015 10:34:40
1F：推 spacedunce5: Green 较偏春风又绿江南岸的绿；某人改有人；纳税改 09/20 00:13
2F：→ spacedunce5: 缴税；玻璃房改玻璃屋 09/20 00:14
3F：→ spacedunce5: 一栋与坡上的调换 09/20 00:15
4F：→ spacedunce5: 第八行冷眼看待太负面，我译：彷佛我老神在在地看这 09/20 00:21
5F：→ spacedunce5: 世界 09/20 00:21
6F：推 spacedunce5: 以上只是根据英文提出一些准确性的建议，整体翻译我 09/20 00:25
7F：→ spacedunce5: 很欣赏！ 09/20 00:26
8F：→ kaifrankwind: 冷眼看待我有察觉到太负面 不过当下不愿花更多时间 09/20 00:37
9F：→ kaifrankwind: 推敲:P 然後很谢谢你的其他建议 特别是green 我就在 09/20 00:38
10F：→ kaifrankwind: 困惑说青涩大概不会是作者想用的意思 坡上的跟一栋 09/20 00:40
11F：→ kaifrankwind: 我还是会想保留原本顺序 因为想让"坡上"跟"玻璃屋" 09/20 00:42
12F：→ kaifrankwind: 距离靠得近一些 意象显得更集中 一次爆发 09/20 00:44
13F：→ kaifrankwind: 再次感谢! 也很高兴整体上你很欣赏:) 09/20 00:46
14F：→ kaifrankwind: green我刚刚想到一个译法: 青翠 09/20 00:51
15F：→ kaifrankwind: 不过是中国李笠译此诗 先将green译为青翠就是了 09/20 01:10
16F：推 spacedunce5: 考量green句英译顺序不一：琴声沉静、活泼，充满生机 09/20 21:50
17F：→ spacedunce5: 用「琴声」作「琴」字的情感堆叠 09/20 21:51
18F：→ spacedunce5: 不过确切译法要了解瑞典文绿色的联想意涵，也许就跟 09/20 21:52
19F：→ spacedunce5: 着英文译成绿色吧 09/20 21:52