※ 引述《dwings (夜空的精灵)》之铭言： : Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others : think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your : opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. : I think the automobile has improved modern life. When people invented : automobile, the way of people living have been more convenient and efficient When the automobile was invented, the way of people's living became more convenient and efficient than that of the past. "When..." 把它改成被动句是因为我觉得"people"在这一句不是重点，重点不是 automobile被谁发明～而是在automobile本身︿︿ : than past. The advantages of automobile should not be neglected just because of : some fixable problems. There are still many reasons support my argument, some solvable problems 会好一点点 ^that : and I will mention some important ones below. in the following : I have to admit that automobile is one of the factors producing air pollution. xxxxxxx of the : Some people even state that automobile causes serious problems, such as 中间用", and" 把两句连起来语意可能会更连贯 : traffic congestions and car accidents. However, those problems will be : gradually solved as the development of technology. For example, scientists technology matures/progresses/develops : have already created the new type of car without using fuel. Furthermore, : complete systems should be key solutions to reduce car accidents and traffic ----------------what systems? : problems. Without proper policies, there will be still harm to the environment -----------------------? : resulting from different factors. Therefore, it can not be denied that --------------------------------? 这句不知道要怎麽跟上下文连结，感觉有点像是突然多出来的 The cohesion of the paragraph is a little bit violated. : automobile is necessary to human activities. : Automobile actually increases the standard of personal living. It helps people people's : broaden the field of life and narrow the distance from different places. between : In the past, people had to live in the core city. It took a long time to center of the city : transport to another city or country. Nowadays, people only spent a few hours : going to other places. They can choose where to live as far as possible. : Moreover, if people want to travel around a country with as their wishes, xxxx wish : the most convenient way is renting a car. People can choose to arrive to the to rent : destination directly, or take time to play along the trip. Automobile make makes : people access to everywhere at anytime easily, and it is so important to have access any time , which is : modern live. : In addition, as improved equipments of automobile, the process of driving a car the equipment of automobile improves, ... : becomes a kind of entertainment-comfortable seats, great audio system, even -------------------------awkward : screen playing movies. People can make a lot of fun and enjoy the time spending : in the car. Consequently, automobile changes personal lifestyle into : better one. ^a : 时间又不够了....>.<: 整体来说还不错，念起来满顺的，论点也很清楚（虽然support可以再多一两个~）。 不过第三段把一个可以在三四行内说完的论点用了一整大段阐述~~ 而结尾部分有一些ideas是前面没有提及的 这个好像比较不符合英文写作＠＠ Conclusion部分通常是summarize或是strengthen the previous arguments the writer has mentioned.所以结尾这样会有点仓促 不过因为你是限时写的啦，以後可以不限时看看XD For your reference. ^^; fleuve -- 然後有一天我ꄠ 靠在窗 前，会发现原来我是株 ╭╮──╪──╭╮ 不 ＊ fleuve ＊ 需要阳光的植物︴1mK︴30m直到有一天我闭上眼睛 ╰╯──╪──╰╯ 看不见自己、却可以看见你…ꄠ ♂ -- ※ 编辑: fleuve 来自: 118.168.36.109 (08/11 02:39)