职场守则 vocational do's and don'ts --------------------------- Lesson One 第一课 --------------------------- A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. 有一只 乌鸦整天就坐在树上，但就是不做事。 A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, 之後就有一只兔子看到乌鸦，就问说： Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? 我能学你这样子就坐在这儿整天不用做事吗？ The crow answered: Sure, why not. 乌鸦就说啦：当然可以，为啥不行？ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. 所以，兔子就在树的底下休息起来， All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 突然的，有一只狐狸出现把兔子给吃了。 Moral of the story is: 这故事告诉你： To be sitting and doing nothing, 想要整天坐着不做事， you must be sitting very, very high up. 你就必须高高在上 ---------------------------------- Lesson Two 第二课 ---------------------------------- A turkey was chatting with a bull. 有一只火鸡跟一只公牛在聊天。 I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, 火鸡说：我真的很想爬到这树枝头上耶！ sighed the turkey, but I havent got the energy. 但是我没力气！ Well, why dont you nibble on some of my droppings? 牛说：嗯，没关系，那你要不要吃一点我的牛大便（英译：狗屁，屁话）呢？ replied the bull.Theyre packed with nutrients. 我的牛大便是很营养的喔。 The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. 火鸡就吃了很多牛大便，就变的很强壮足够让火鸡爬上第一排的树枝。 The next day, after eating some more dung, 接下来的一天，火鸡又吃了很多牛大便（狗屁，屁话） he reached the second branch. 让火鸡可以爬上第二排枝头。 Finally after a fortnight, 最後，两个礼拜过後， there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. 火鸡终於爬上枝头很安稳的在休息， Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, 好景不常，一位农夫发现这只火鸡， who shot the turkey out of the tree. 开枪把火鸡打死了。 Moral of the story: 这故事告诉你： Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there. (狗屁，屁话）或许可以让你爬的更高，但不可能让你成功一辈子。 ---------------------------------- Lesson Three 第三课 ---------------------------------- When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. 当一个身体刚完成的时候，所有的器官想要当这身体的老大。 The brain said, I should be Boss because I control the whole bodys responses and functions. 头脑就说；我应该当老大，因为我支配着整个身体的运作，反应跟功能。 The hands said, We should be the Boss because 接着手就说了；我应该当老大，因为都是我在做事赚钱。 we do all the work and earn all the money. And so it went on and on with the heart, 所以这样的争执就一直继续着，心脏，肺脏跟眼睛也加入争执， the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. 最後屁眼（英译：白痴）也说话要当老大！ All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. 所有的器官一同取笑屁眼想当老大， So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. 屁眼一气之下，将自己塞起来，不爽，罢工去了 Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, 在很短的时间内，眼睛、手脚就开始不听使唤， the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. 心肺也开始失去功能 Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. 最後，大家还是决议让屁眼当老大， All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit! 所以, 当所有的器官都在做事时, 就老大坐着拉屎（英译：说屁话） Moral of the story: 这故事告诉你： You dont need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do. 想当老大根本不需要大脑！任何白痴都可以当！ --

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