译者前言： 由於觉得这篇很有意义因此着手翻译，翻得不对或不好敬请大家指教， 翻到最後很崩溃地发现共有三页，後面两页就请自行参阅或由好心人补 上罗。 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://0rz.tw/r0BYA I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay. 我是个三十四岁的NBA中锋，我是黑人，而且我是同志。 I didn't set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American team sport. But since I am, I'm happy to start the conversation. I wish I wasn't the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, "I'm different." If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Nobody has, which is why I'm raising my hand. 成为第一个在主流美国职业运动中公开出柜的运动员并不是我的本意，不过既然现在 已成定局，我很高兴能开启此次对话，我希望我不是那个在教室中举起手说我和别人 不一样的那个小孩，若我没举手，其他人可能早就已经出柜，但这并没发生，而这便 是我为什麽举起手来的原因。 My journey of self-discovery and self-acknowledgement began in my hometown of Los Angeles and has taken me through two state high school championships, the NCAA Final Four and the Elite Eight, and nine playoffs in 12 NBA seasons. 我的自我探索及自我肯定旅程开启於我的家乡洛杉矶，带着我度过两次州立高中冠军 、NCAA四强及八强赛和十二年NBA生涯中的九次季後赛。 I've played for six pro teams and have appeared in two NBA Finals. Ever heard of a parlor game called Three Degrees of Jason Collins? If you're in the league, and I haven't been your teammate, I surely have been one of your teammates' teammates. Or one of your teammates' teammates' teammates. 我曾为六支职业球队打过球并两度出现於NBA总冠军赛之中，曾经听过人际三度理论吗? 如果你在联盟中打球而我没当过你的队友，我也绝对曾是你队友的队友，或是你队友的 队友的队友。 (译按：感谢spurs2120版友) Now I'm a free agent, literally and figuratively. I've reached that enviable state in life in which I can do pretty much what I want. And what I want is to continue to play basketball. I still love the game, and I still have something to offer. My coaches and teammates recognize that. At the same time, I want to be genuine and authentic and truthful. 现在我无论於字义或比喻的层面上都是一个自由球员，我的人生已经到达一个令人 称羡的阶段，可以做大多数我想做的事情，而我想做的是继续打篮球，我仍然热爱 比赛也仍有可以贡献之处，我的教练和队友都知道这点，同时我希望做到真诚、可 靠及诚实。 Why am I coming out now? Well, I started thinking about this in 2011 during the NBA player lockout. I'm a creature of routine. When the regular season ends I immediately dedicate myself to getting game ready for the opener of the next campaign in the fall. But the lockout wreaked havoc on my habits and forced me to confront who I really am and what I really want. With the season delayed, I trained and worked out. But I lacked the distraction that basketball had always provided. 为何我选择现在出柜？嗯，我是从2011年NBA球员罢工时开始思考这个的。我是个规 律的人，当正规赛季结束後我马上就会投入为秋天开始的下个赛季做好准备，但是 罢工打乱了我的习惯并使我开始思考「我是谁」和「我真正要的是什麽」。当球季 延迟的时候，我仍旧训练和健身，但我丧失了一向能让我转移注意力的篮球。 The first relative I came out to was my aunt Teri, a superior court judge in San Francisco. Her reaction surprised me. "I've known you were gay for years," she said. From that moment on I was comfortable in my own skin. In her presence I ignored my censor button for the first time. She gave me support. The relief I felt was a sweet release. Imagine you're in the oven, baking. Some of us know and accept our sexuality right away and some need more time to cook. I should know -- I baked for 33 years. 我第一个出柜的对象是Teri阿姨，她是一个在旧金山工作的法官，她的反应让我惊讶 ，她说：「我知道你是同性恋已经好几年了。」从那时开始我感到轻松，在她面前我 生平第一次可以无视自己的警戒按钮，她给了我支持，我感受到的轻松是个甜蜜的释 放。想像你在一个烤炉中烤着，我们之中有些人很快就能接受自己的性向，而有些人 需要多一点时间来煎熬，我深知这一点：我煎熬了33年。 When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue. 我年轻的时候和女人约会，甚至曾经订婚，我以为我必须以特定方式生活，我以为我 和一个女人结婚生子，我不断告诉自己天空是红色的，但其实我一直知道它是蓝色。 I realized I needed to go public when Joe Kennedy, my old roommate at Stanford and now a Massachusetts congressman, told me he had just marched in Boston's 2012 Gay Pride Parade. I'm seldom jealous of others, but hearing what Joe had done filled me with envy. I was proud of him for participating but angry that as a closeted gay man I couldn't even cheer my straight friend on as a spectator. If I'd been questioned, I would have concocted half truths. What a shame to have to lie at a celebration of pride. I want to do the right thing and not hide anymore. I want to march for tolerance, acceptance and understanding. I want to take a stand and say, "Me, too." 当我在史丹佛的老室友、现任麻州国会议员Joe Kennedy告诉我，他刚参加波士顿2012 同志骄傲游行时，我知道我必须公开出柜了，我很少忌妒别人，但听到Joe所做的却让 我充满嫉妒。我为他的参与感到骄傲，却对於自己作为一个未出柜的旁观者不能为游行 的异性恋朋友欢呼感到生气。如果我被质疑，我会捏造一半事实，而在骄傲游行中必须 说谎是多大的耻辱啊！我想要做对的事情，不再想要躲躲藏藏，我想为了宽容、接纳和 理解而游行，我希望站出来说：「我也是」 The recent Boston Marathon bombing reinforced the notion that I shouldn't wait for the circumstances of my coming out to be perfect. Things can change in an instant, so why not live truthfully? When I told Joe a few weeks ago that I was gay, he was grateful that I trusted him. He asked me to join him in 2013. We'll be marching on June 8. 最近的波士顿马拉松爆炸案加强了我的信念，我不该坐待所谓出柜的「最佳时机」， 事情会瞬息万变，所以何不真实地活着？几周前当我告诉Joe我是同性恋时，他对於我 的信任表示感激，他邀我参加2013的波士顿同志骄傲游行，我们会於六月八日参加。 No one wants to live in fear. I've always been scared of saying the wrong thing. I don't sleep well. I never have. But each time I tell another person, I feel stronger and sleep a little more soundly. It takes an enormous amount of energy to guard such a big secret. I've endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie. I was certain that my world would fall apart if anyone knew. And yet when I acknowledged my sexuality I felt whole for the first time. I still had the same sense of humor, I still had the same mannerisms and my friends still had my back. 没有人想活在恐惧之中，我总是怕说出错误的事情，我一向都睡不好，但每一次当我向 其他人诉说，我就变得更强壮也睡得更好。要隐瞒这麽大一个秘密是很耗心力的，许多 年来我都承受着痛苦活在谎言之中，我那时确信若我告诉任何人，我的世界就会崩毁， 但是在我承认性向之後，我第一次感觉自己是完整的，我仍保有幽默感，我仍保有相同 的特质而我的朋友们仍旧挺我。 Believe it or not, my family has had bigger shocks. Strange as it seems today, my parents expected only one child in 1978. Me. When I came out (for the first time) the doctors congratulated my mother on her healthy, seven-pound, one-ounce baby boy. "Wait!" said a nurse. "Here comes another one!" The other one, who arrived eight minutes later and three ounces heavier, was Jarron. He's followed me ever since, to Stanford and to the NBA, and as the ever-so-slightly older brother I've looked out for him. 信不信由你，我的家庭曾受到更大的惊吓，今天看来或许奇怪，但我的家庭在1978年 本来只预期一个孩子的降临。当我出生时，医生为我母亲健康的、七磅一盎司重的小 男婴恭喜她，一个护士说：「等等！又有另一个！」另一个於八分钟後出生且比我重 三盎司的人便是Jarron，他自此一路跟随我到史丹佛和NBA，身为一个仅仅早他一点点 出生的哥哥我一路看顾着他。 I had a happy childhood in the suburbs of L.A. My parents instilled in us an appreciation of history, art and, most important, Motown. Jarron and I weren't allowed to listen to rap until we were 12. After our birthday I dashed to Target and bought DJ Quik's album Quik Is the Name. I memorized every line. It was around this time that I began noticing subtle differences between Jarron and me. Our twinness was no longer synchronized. I couldn't identify with his attraction to girls. 我在洛杉矶郊区度过一个快乐的童年，父母灌输我对历史、艺术以及最重要的对於 Motown的欣赏，我们两兄弟在12岁前都不被允许听饶舌，那年生日过後我急急忙忙 去买了DJ Quik的专辑Quik Is the Name，我还记得每一行歌词，也正是在此时我 开始注意到我与Jarron之间微妙的差别，我们的双胞性质不再亦步亦趋，我和他与 女孩子间的吸引力有所不同。 译按：Motown是一家唱片公司，感谢momoforever版友，维基写说这家唱片公司在 流行音乐的种族融合部分扮演了重要角色。 I feel blessed that I recognized my own attractions. Though I resisted my impulses through high school, I knew that when I was ready I had someone to turn to: my uncle Mark in New York. I knew we could talk without judgment, and we did last summer. Uncle Mark is gay. He and his partner have been in a stable relationship forever. For a confused young boy, I can think of no better role model of love and compassion. 尽管我高中时曾抗拒过我的直觉，但能够了解自己的倾向我觉得是幸运的，我知道当 我准备好时能够向谁寻求帮助：住在纽约的Mark叔叔。我知道我们可以不带批判地讨 论这件事，一如上个夏天一般。Mark叔叔是同志，他和他的夥伴一直维持着稳定的关 系，作为一个迷惑的年轻男孩，我无法想像一个更具爱心和同理心的角色模范。 I didn't come out to my brother until last summer. His reaction to my breakfast revelation was radically different from Aunt Teri's. He was downright astounded. He never suspected. So much for twin telepathy. But by dinner that night, he was full of brotherly love. For the first time in our lives, he wanted to step in and protect me. 在上个夏天之前我并未对弟弟出柜，他对於我在早餐时间的揭露之反应与Teri阿姨截 然不同，他瞠目结舌因为他从未发现，好个双胞胎的心电感应啊。但到了晚餐那个夜 晚时，他充满了兄弟之爱，在我们的生命中，他第一次想站出来保护我。 --

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