最近看到了一篇有点冗的paper methods以及objective 把很多想表达的放进同一句话 我试着将他改写，希望以後不要也犯这种错误 不知道各位能不能看一下我改如何，求鞭，感谢 ---------------------------------------------- Objectives原文如下： The purpose of this study was to examine population-based, hospital discharge data from North Carolina to describe the demographic and diagnostic characteri stics of individuals who receive physical therapy and, for common diagnostic subgroups, to identify factors associated with the receipt of and intensity of physical therapy use. 这麽冗长居然是一句话而且只有一个句点 所以我将其拆成两句，然後把主词跟动词拉近一点 不然读起来很辛苦，改写如下 The purpose of this study was to examine the physical therapy users’ population-based, hospital discharge data from North Carolina and to describe their demographic, diagnostic characteristics. Moreover, we identified factors associated with the receipt of and intensity of physical therapy use for comm on diagnostic subgroups. 我自己觉得改完比较顺了， 两个句子用Moreover连接 ------------------------------------------------- 接着是methods的原文 Hospital discharge data for 2006–2007 from the 128 acute care hospitals in th e state were examined to identify the most common diagnoses that receive physi cal therapy and to describe the characteristics of physical therapy users. For 2 of the most common diagnoses, logistic and linear regression analyses were conducted to identify factors associated with the receipt and intensity of phy sical therapy. 这麽冗长也只有两句话， 所以我切成三句，用furthermore连接 并将被动式改为主动比较好理解 were examined改为examined 然後将冗句直接改成动词conducted...analyses改成analyzed 改完如下 To identify the most common diagnoses of physical therapy users and to describe the characteristics of them. Ｗe examined the hospital discharge data for 2006–2007 from the 128 acute care hospitals in the state. Furthermore, we analyzed the 2 of the most common diagnoses with logistic and linear regression to identify factors associated with the receipt and intensity of physical therapy. -------------------------------------------------- 想问问大家 我改写的跟原文哪个比较好读？ 感谢大家 --

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