作者lenta (Blue)
看板Eng-Class
标题[请益] 自己写的英文自介请帮我看一下
时间Tue Dec 14 18:00:24 2010
因为是自介不是履历 所以比较简短 我是新鲜人 所以比较没提到工作经历
请帮我看有什麽地方可以改进 或是有文法错误..||| 感谢
My name is XXX. 26 years old. I was born in Taichung. There are 5 members in
my family: father, mother, 2 sisters ,and I. My father and mother and my older
sister run a small business. My younger sister is studying in high school.
I graduated from XXX University last year and dischargd from the Army in
November. My major in the university is XXX. Thanks to many required and
optional courses, I gained all-around knowledge in XXX. Since my family
couldn't afford my living expense, I worked on a part-time job in a convenient
store for nearly 2 years. I become more and more out-going, optimistic and
learned lots of ways to release my pressure during the contact with customers,
co-workers, and of course, supervisors. The recreation activities I enjoy
are seeing movies, KTV, and several kinds of sports. My opinion for life is
no one could quit learning. Since the world changes rapidly, today's
high-tech technologies are out-dated tomorrow. Every one should dedicate
himself for progress, unless himself would be hardly to survive.
顺便请教这样会太短吗??
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1F：推 noruas:推~这样写很好 12/14 18:11
2F：→ noruas:不会太短, 重点是简洁清楚就好 12/14 18:13
3F：→ noruas:我觉得很好是因为: (1)人事主管的英文也不一定很好,所以 12/14 18:14
4F：→ noruas:自介不要太咬文嚼字,否则对方读起来反而伤脑筋. 12/14 18:14
5F：→ noruas:(2)他也可能要看非常多篇自介, 所以不要写太复杂冗长 12/14 18:15
6F：推 sharing:家人的地方可以直接省略~这不重要~ 12/14 20:15
7F：→ sharing:I become....这句用法有问题`out-going是形容personality 12/14 20:16
8F：→ sharing:是指你的人格特质~但通常不会用become来带~而且你应该用 12/14 20:18
9F：→ sharing:became吧`或者完成式~若这是口语讲`应该算ok~ 12/14 20:18
10F：→ sharing:但若是写作,有些地方则需要再改进~ 12/14 20:19
11F：→ hoch:我倒是觉得这篇没有写到重点。楼上已经讲过户口调查不必写， 12/14 22:33
12F：→ hoch:另外，你应该要假设读你这篇(或是听你这篇)东西的人，没有时 12/14 22:35
13F：→ hoch:间去看你的履历。所以你最好能简短的把你最得意，最厉害的 12/14 22:35
14F：→ hoch:地方呈现出来。如果你刚毕业，没有工作经验，你可能应该花个 12/14 22:36
15F：→ hoch:一两句话，告诉别人你和其他同样科系的毕业生有何不同。而不 12/14 22:37
16F：→ hoch:是仅仅用一句话："my major is ..."。 12/14 22:38