※ 引述《aweful (jet)》之铭言： : ※ 引述《i23412 (从零开始)》之铭言： 谢谢修改真的帮了我很大的忙 但有点疑问想请问一下 : : Because of summer vacation, there is nothing to do all day. I am bored to : : death. At the time, Joss sent a message to me. She said she has a part time : : job vacancy, and she hopes I can company her to do it. She can share her : : salary with me. It sounded so nice. I agree it without hesitation when she : : proposed. She waits for me in front of a bookstore. : As for summer vacation, I had nothing to do all day, feeling very bored. : At the time, Joss sent me a message, iviting me to take a part time job with : her. It seems so nice, so I accepted her invitation without hesitation. : Joss told me that she would wait for me in front of the bookstore. : : To my surprise, I saw long lines in front of the bookstore when I arrived at : : the bookstore. Joss told me today is first day that a concert ticket sale for : : Japan group. Her part time job is to buy the ticket. Her hourly pay is three : : hundred dollars. I think it is an easy job because we don’t need to labor so : : hard. We just spend our time on wait. We sat on the end of the long line. I : : observe other people in the long line. I can’t image how long they have been : : waiting. I saw a girl ahead of us. She is a short slim girl. She has a square : : face, brown eyes and upturned nose. She has her long black hair, and she : : wears high school uniform, but now is Friday noon. So I think she skip class. : : She holds the group’s picture. She looks at the picture for a long time, and : : her expression is so complicated. Sometime she looks so excited, but sometime : : she looks so guilty and fear. I believe that she really wants to participate : : in the concert, but she afraid that she will be punished for skip class. Most : : of people wait with their friends, and they play difference game to kill : : time. Some people play bridge or mahjong. The mahjong catches my eyes because : : it is mini size. It so special, I never see it. Everyone has difference way : : to kill their time. It is interesting to observe what they are doing. : To my surprise, I saw a long line of people at the gate of the bookstore : when I met Joss there. Joss told me that there would be a concert of music by : a Japanese band, and the tickets were being on sale at the first day today. : on sale 不是特价的意思吗？应该要改用go on sale吗? Our part time job is to buy the tickets, and our payment is 300 dollars per : hour. The work is not hard to be done because what we do is to spend hours : waiting in line for the tickets. When we sat at the end of the line and kept :这里要介系词吗?hours和waiting wating, I began observing the other pepole in the long line, couldn't imagine : how long they have kept waiting. At the same time, I noticed a girl ahead of : us. The girl had a round face, a pair of brown eyes and a upturned(??) nose : with long and black hairs, wearing uniform of high school. She has been : looking at the picture for a long time, and her expression on face is : sometimes complicated, either looks excited, guilty or fearing. I thought : she might really want to go the the concert, but fearing to be punished : for the reason of skipping class. Some other people in waiting played bridge : or mahjone. The mahjone attracted my attention becasue it was very special : with mini size, and I have never seen it. Everyone in the line had defferent : ways to kill time, which was interesting to be observed. : : It’s so intensely hot and muggy today. The sun shine is so brightly. After : : we have been waiting for six hours, we sweat a lot. We got the ticket and : : salary. Although it is an effortless part time job, we spent much time just : : on wait. It is drive me crazy. : It was a seriously hot and muggy day with bright sunshine. After six hours' : waiting, our body were soaked in sweat. In the end, we got the tickets and : the payment. Even if it was not a hard work to be done, but we have spent too : much time in waiting, which made me crazy. : 整篇文比较中文口语化﹐写英文尽量避免这样做。 : 英文的特点是简洁明快﹐尽量避免长句﹐尽量用简单的词汇组成短句直截了当描述 : 出来。句与句之间不是独立存在的﹐注意用 and, as, because 这些介词起承转合﹐ : 相同主语的语句要注意合并﹐有时应用被动句﹐不然显得累赘难看。 不好意思麻烦你了!真的很感谢 -- --

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