http://www.bmezine.com/tattoo/A30306/tatstopt.html For some reason, this particular quote from Tyler Durden of the movie "Fight Club", came to mind when I got my neck tattoo. I think because the minute that machine began buzzing on the back of my neck, all my arguments against getting a visible tattoo went completely out the window and I just let go. The design is a black outline of a little bat that is based on an Edward Gorey illustration, drawn again by me. I decided to get this design because I love Edward Gorey and I have always loved bats, but I also think the metaphor is very interesting. Bats are nocturnal and I've always been a bit of a night owl. They're misunderstood by most people as being pests but in reality, they are fascinating animals. For me, getting this tattoo is like acknowledging my darker side but also saying, "Stop hiding that part of you." Just like Bruce Wayne in the Batman movies, we all have different sides to ourselves that we are afraid to show. And that is the sad state of the world we live in. We aren't allowed to be weird or creative or different, without some sort of criticism. We are born, we begin to grow, and we often do things where it is said that we'll "grow out of it". But we don't grow out of it, it gets beaten out of us as we get older, and suddenly we're weird and we're cast ou t by a ridiculous, product-oriented, conformist society. I got this tattoo because I don't want to play the game that society sets up for me. I don't want to become some product of America. Those who know me already probably realize this and have realized it for quite some time. Those who don't know me, will realize it now. I know that I'm only 21 and I'm supposed to be right in the heart of it all, plugging away to become a good little robot and get my degree, then meet someone nice, get married, breed, live in a house in Suburbia, and eventually die. Yeah, well, I always knew somehow that I wasn't cut out for the American dream. It is completely beyond me that anybody would deliberately strive for a life like this. I knew that the minute the needle hit my skin and I got my first tattoo that is right there, completely in your face, for everyone to see (I have short hair!), that I would be past the point of no return. I will never be able to work at Wal-Mart. Or McDonald's. Or Walt Disney World. Or be in the army. I will never be able to even begin to pass as a "normal" member of society now unless I grow my hair long to cover this, and that is highly doubtful. People will know upon seeing me that I am not like them. And you know what? That's fine by me. So when I woke up a few days ago and decided I was going to do this, I got my money out of the jar labelled "Tattoo Fund" and went to Alien Arts with some friends. We sat and looked at the flash and played the "If Someone Held a Gun to Your Head and Made You Get A Flash Tattoo, What Would it Be" game, after I gave Chris my design and had him shrink it to a good size. I explained where I wanted it and the line quality I wanted (very fine line). Then I looked through his portfolio some more, asked him about his work and how long he'd been inking. The design is really simple and I knew he was more than capable of doing it, so that was no question. He went to set up and I waited a little bit more. Then I walked in and sat down. His section of the shop looked like it could be right out of my apartment, lots of art and random cool stuff, so I felt right at home. He shaved my neck and put the stencil on. He had me check it as well and it took us three tries to get it exactly right because I have a bony spine since I'm so skinny and it made it hard to center the design. The third try, I looked in the mirror and something inside me woke up for the first time in years. Something shifted in my heart and made me remember who I am and that this tattoo was essential to me. I thought to myself, "This is it" followed by a sarcastic "Oh darn, there goes my job at McDonald's" and sat on the chair with my head down as far as it could go, giving him a completely flat surface. We were good to go. I had been told that neck tattoos were incredibly painful, but for whatever reason, this wasn't bad at all. The strangest thing was the sensation of my skull and teeth vibrating and the amplified sound of the machine. It was definitely a worthwhile experience! It only took him maybe half an hour tops (I lost track of time) and then he finished. They had charged me the shop minimum which was 50 dollars and I had 100 from doing a soundtrack for an animation, so I figured I could definitely afford a little tip. I gave him a 5 dollar bill and thanked him again. My friends were all really happy with the tattoo as well. I felt different already, like I had revealed some big secret to the world and here it was now for all to see. We walked back and I turned on my phone again. It turns out my mother had called me while I was getting tattooed, which is oddly ironic. She hates all my mods and it's not that she doesn't understand why I do this, it's that she won't let herself understand, if that makes sense. She is also very squeamish and tends to over-react. So I figured I'd tell her and get it out of the way. She has this way of making me feel guilty about the decisions I make that end up making me happy. I don't think she does it on purpose but it happens. At any rate, I cried a little bit when I told her (I think she did too!) because I realized how liberated I felt by this and how scary it was for a little bit, since it feels so unfamiliar. It was a strange kind of crying in that I didn't feel sad or angry, but free and alive. Then I talked to my dad, who seemed a little more receptive, and that was that. I think the next big obstacle will be my grandparents, but who knows, maybe they won't even be surprised- I think they might even know about my other tattoos already so perhaps they won't be too shocked. Today was my first day with my new tattoo and so far a few people in my public speaking class have noticed, but the world is still business as usual and I haven't had any huge encounters with people yet, although my professor did think that it was the Batman logo at first! The tattoo itself doesn't hurt that much but my neck feels kinda sore and I felt sort of tired today (though that could be because I slept funny, trying not to roll over on my back!). I even gave my little bat a name-Bela (yeah, I'm a dork) and am now working on a Dracula half-sleeve for my right upper arm. Today I pretty much just hung out by myself and did a lot of thinking and I'm really happy with this tattoo. Anyway, I think that even though you should obviously weigh the potential consequences of getting a certain mod, you should also consider, "Do *I* want this, for *me*?" and if the answer is a loud "YES!" then it might possibly be one of the best things to happen to you because it will be a celebration of your true self. People need to discover that more often these days! --

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