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防雷页 本集重点: 1. 无奈的布拔那段实在很搞笑 2. 可以不要一直在烤鱼身上重塑老葛的影子吗? 阿编。 片头,摄影机影像拍摄着跳伞的行动, 三名跳伞者分开各自降落後, 镜头里可以看到摄影者自己的伞却开不了....... 最後摄影者最後摔落地面,镜头龟裂, 他的同伴们冲到镜头前, "Are you alive?" "Call ambulance!" "Help!!!" 之後,警方出现,哀号呻吟的男子被送上救护车; 囧尼和Riley抵达现场勘查, 囧尼询问相关人员,得知伤者名叫Pierre,是专业跳伞人员, 已经从事这行业很多年了, 因此受访者认为"This is a crime! It's not an accident!"。 同时间Riley接近现场, 发现了那台从头到尾记录了一切、固定在伤者头盔上的摄影机。 囧尼和Riley继续访问同时一起跳伞的两名女子, 她们都说当天天候状况好的不得了, 而且也说他们几个人都是长期从事这活动的,实在不明白怎麽可能发生意外。 女子A: We made this jumping hundred times! Everything is perfect! 女子B: Pierre lives for this! Pierre的合夥人Max抵达现场,向囧尼询问Pierre的状况, Max说他们一起从自己的国家来到这里、一起创业,两人就像兄弟一样, 囧尼注意到Max走路一跛一跛的,询问Max说也是因为跳伞意外吗? Max说只是因为一场车祸而已, 之後Max急着要离开去医院看Pierre, Riley: Sir, we may need to talk to you later. Max: At the hospital. At Pierre’s side. (走人) Riley: So what do you think? 囧尼: Well, I think if you really did something for hundred times. Your luck gonna run out. 烤鱼人则在另外一个现场, 一个风景摄影师发现一只turkey vulture在进食, 他原来以为是动物屍体,但走进一看却发现是一名光头男子的屍体! 烤鱼对着录音机碎碎念做纪录, 一名员警则在警戒线外询问记录摄影师的证词。 烤鱼: (自言自语中) The eyes are missing, it looks like... 摄影师: (打断) Excuse me? Vultures always start from eyes. 烤鱼: (停下录音机) I know. It is the most moist, nutrient tissue...... (打开录音机) There is one pair of shoe prints getting away from the body 摄影师: (打断) I didn't go any closer as where I'm now. 烤鱼: (停下录音机) Could you lift your feet? (鞋印不合) Officer, you......? 员警: I took the class. 烤鱼於是继续侦查录音。 摄影师: (很感慨的说道) Such a lonely place to die...... 烤鱼: ......What place is not? 回到局里,烤鱼跟小哈一起检视屍体, 确定死者不是脱水死的, 然後在死者胸前发现他自己的大幅刺青,写着Holy Steven, 背上也有着背面角度的相同刺青,写着Spread the world I come。 跳伞者(Skydiver)的案子, 囧尼在检视时发现release装置被人为的处理过了, 才会导致Pierre先生无法顺利打开跳伞或启用备用伞; 从医院回来的Riley则告知囧尼说Pierre基本上活着是活着, 全身骨头碎很多就是了...Orz 罗宾爷爷接手处理烤鱼案子的屍体, 确认所有动物的咬痕都是死後出现的, 脑部解剖发现在行动跟感觉脑干区都有受伤的痕迹, 与死者头盖骨上的blunt force trauma吻合。 布拔通知烤鱼说他们查到沙漠死者的本名是Mark, 然後他在某个地点有一座Church of Holy Steven, 布拔跟烤鱼於是前往该处调查; 抵达现场的两人发现该处已更名为Church of Holy George, 教堂里的spiritual guru先生George, 很热诚的欢迎两人,但同时也不断向起乩似的喃喃自语 George先生告知布拔和烤鱼说Steven是上帝的传信者, 布拔告知Steven死亡的消息,烤鱼则问George怎麽一点都不惊讶的样子? George: I have a vision of that. (起乩一样碎碎念) We went to hike in the desert. Steven got the message. He asked me to go back to town, and he'll finish what he has to do. 烤鱼: To walk to death? George: There is no death, only transformation. 布拔: How great to know it. (挑眉) Geoge说他们是星期天去的,而他则在星期二回到镇上。 布拔: That is your story. You know what I think? I think you use the wand murdered him. George: O.K., then, yes, I smashed him. 烤鱼: (傻眼) You understand it is a confession? George: Yes, I do. (看向布拔) Are you going to arrest me? 囧尼跟Riley在看头盔摄影机纪录的录影带, 发现跳伞公司另两名跟Pierre一起跳伞的女职员, 似乎都跟Pierre有暧昧,而且两人之间暗潮汹涌的很, 囧尼於是各别找了两人来问话; 女职员A: Pierre, Max, Mink and me are like a big family! 女职员B: We all loved each other so much! 女职员A: He is so funny! 女职员B: He always make evrybody laugh! 女职员A: I don't know how this could happen...(哭) 女职员B: I'm so rry. (哭) I'm so enmotional... My fiancee is so seriously hurted... 女职员A: Fiance? She called herself his fiance? She cannot even speak French! That pathetic, delude bitch! 女职员B: She called me a bitch? The bitch! 囧尼: (个别对两人说) I think you maybe kill Pierre out of jealousy. 女职员A: Huh! 女职员B: Really? 也另外被找来问话的Max: They could decide to kill Piere together! They are both selfish, crazy and insane ores! 囧尼: Ores? Max: Ores! 囧尼: Oh, whores. 温蒂告知烤鱼说权杖上没有任何东西, 没有Steven的血迹,也没有George的指纹...... 温蒂: You don't think he did it. 烤鱼: No. I think the power of Steve made he did that. 总之,布拔出马讯问George; 布拔: You didn't really kill Steve, right? George: No. 布拔: Then why did you confess you did it? George: I'm just trying to follow the 17 xxxx of Steve. He said we should obey others as much as possible. 布拔: That's not religion, that's marriage. George: Ha! 布拔: So, you didn't kill Steven, did you? George: Yes, no. 布拔: You did it? George: No, yes. 布拔:Are you clinically insane, or you're just incrediably annoying? George: Which one you prefer? 布拔: (叹气) I don't even know why I asked. 此时,小葛跟凯姐前去第三个谋杀案现场, 两名死者暴毙於一豪宅的游泳池畔。 第一个抵达现场的员警跟凯姐报告他的发现,瞄一眼屍体却突然作呕, 员警: I'm sorry. It must be somethingI ate as lunch. 凯姐: I don't need you to puke at my crime scene. So, go out and take a rest, I’ll get covered here. 回到局里,凯姐打电话问烤鱼能不能去支援, 烤鱼正要回答时,刚刚那名员警在烤鱼经过的员警办公室却忽然倒地挣扎, 烤鱼赶紧发挥医生专业帮忙救人。 员警Andy被送到医院,烤鱼在他旁边,凯姐随後赶到, 凯姐询问Andy在游泳池现场做了什麽,一问之下, 一切都是符合程序的(Andy没有戴手套,可是依规定他做的事也不需要); 凯姐跟烤鱼边讨论边准备离开医院, 却看到其中一名游泳池案死者的太太也被救护车送了进来....... 凯姐马上打电话叫布拔封锁现场。 亨利检验出小葛和凯姐采集的迹证里,接沾有digitoxin, 这种藉由皮肤吸收的药剂,高浓度可致死; 大队人马进驻游泳池豪宅,穿着防护衣去喷洒可以侦测digitoxin的perchoric acid, 最後小葛下令开紫外灯,惊讶的发现整个後院布满了这种有毒物质! 小哈跟凯姐还有小葛在一起讨论案情, 了解到唯一能达到这样的效果的方法是从空中喷洒digitoxin, 但是要这麽做的话,一般飞机的高度是不可能可以只锁定一户人家的院子的, 最後推测是滑翔飞机craft transponder喷的。 Archie使用电脑航路模拟系统找出有嫌疑的飞机, 确认出该台飞机降落在Denim Field, Archie继续使用Google Earth叫出该机场的影像, 结果凯姐注意到一个仓库,上面的字眼为Max & Pierre's! 凯姐: (打电话) Nikky, I think my case has tangled with yours now. 囧尼和Riley循线找到那个仓库, 仓库里的飞机一用perchoric acid检视後, 发现该台飞机上果然沾满了digitoxin。 布拔於是到了医院去询问Max, Max: I have no idea what you're talking about. 布拔: Well, then maybe Pierre can tell me something? Pierre: Yes. (他不能说话,但是医院电脑眼球移动鼠标系统让他可以透过萤幕键盘表达) Max: Pierre, be careful what you say, understand? My friend. Pierre: Max, he wants me to fly. 不得已的Max才说,有个男子找他,要求他在半夜带他飞一趟, 心生怀疑的Max尝试找理由拒绝。 Max: I told him I have no licence to fly at night! He got angry, he threatened me! He knows all my family's name and where they are ! What can I do? I agreed to meet with him last night. But... I was so nervous, and then I got the car accident. 出了车祸的Max打电话给 Pierre求救,结果Pierre代他飞了那一趟, 当他们飞过游泳池豪宅後院上空时,男子胁迫他降低高度,并洒下毒药... Max: Pierre was very upset. But I told him to calm. I told him to keep silent. We know something was wrong. But we really don't know what will happen... 布拔: Pierre, did anyone makes the equipement wrong to hurt you? Pierre: No, it was me. Max: (大惊) You are afraid. You cannot handle the fear and respinsibility. So you decide to kill yourself!? Is it so? Pierre: Yes. Mas: (哭) 布拔: (叹气) Max, I need a name. 於是游泳池案+跳伞案都侦结完毕了, 凶手是游泳池畔两名死者生意场上的竞争者, 两名死者都是大理石进口商,最近因房产问题跟凶手起过纠纷。 烤鱼、囧尼、小葛和Riley一起看着相关新闻报导, 囧尼开玩笑的说他们只要把这接诡异的案件写成剧本投稿就可以赚大钱了, Riley则说她不知道美国有在进口大理石, 烤鱼跟Riley解释了一番,然後又兴致勃勃的说道关於悲剧之父Aeschylus的故事... 直到他发现小葛跟Riley已经交换了一个心照不宣的眼神, 才越讲越小声的把话题打住; Riley: Wow, I would definitely put that in my reading list. Now, does anyone want to grap some breakfast? 囧尼: Yap. 小葛: I already think about foods a long time. (三人起身往外走) 烤鱼: None of you ever read Aeschylus's books!!!? 囧尼: I'll consider to take a look. 烤鱼: Yeah, you should! He's a really good writer and...... (人走光了) 烤鱼: ......(忽然若有所思了起来) 烤鱼回到他的案子的沙漠现场,进行他的沙盘推演, 最後在一个树根底下找到一个陆龟壳...... 烤鱼跑去找凯姐,说了一大串关於Aeschylus的故事, 其中提到一个关於Aeschylus的传说,说他最後是被一个从天而降的龟壳打死的! 是的,烤鱼认为Holy Steven是同样死於龟壳上! 凯姐: You are really gonna to put that in your report? 烤鱼: It is true. Bird predator drops shell animals to get the meat. Now from the air above Steven must looks no difference than a rock. You can google it if you didn't believe me. The DNA on the shell is a match. 凯姐: Seems like a lot of things keep falling from the sky, right? Poison, people, and turtle! 烤鱼: Tortoise. 凯姐: Whatever. Maybe I should start wearing a helmet! 烤鱼: Or at least carrying an umbrella! 本集心得: 1. 其实我个人还满喜欢这种淡淡的幽默的,不过国外乡民依然骂很凶、骂不用钱...Orz 2. 是说学者型可以有很多种,有必要把烤鱼弄得跟老葛一样爱引经据典吗?阿编??? --



※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 74.179.122.36
1F:推 tonylin:其实也还好啊,要是太恶搞,之後就没梗啦 XD 04/11 13:09
2F:→ tonylin:话说最近几年,每季到finale前都会有纯恶搞的episode 04/11 13:10
3F:→ tonylin:今年不知会不会出现鱼叉烤鱼之类的....(误) 04/11 13:10
4F:推 Mitnick6926:919比918欢乐多了...XD 04/11 13:23
5F:推 sagit:看预告下星期似乎会更欢乐!! 04/11 22:54
6F:推 TinaJones:这一集真的很欢乐 XD~ 04/12 04:01
7F:推 loveyourself:被陆龟杀死,好囧的死法 04/12 14:28
8F:→ JMfan:Brass跟George在讯问时的对话简直是本集经典 04/12 19:29
9F:→ JMfan:G: It's better to be agreeable than to be right. 04/12 19:30
10F:→ JMfan:B: That's not religion. That's marriage. 04/12 19:31
11F:推 alchu:I am come. H: You is gone. 04/12 22:38
12F:推 JMfan:对对对小哈那句也超赞的 xD 04/13 12:19
13F:推 pinkwind:其实是Aescheles喔 烤鱼讲的时候我很兴奋..(小声) 04/22 17:30







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