112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes - Part 1 [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.] Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.] Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape. (Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room) Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books? Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers) Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces) Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table) Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone) Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth? (Camera pans back to group in living room) Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy! Ross: (waves) Hello! Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross) (Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed) Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable) Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her) Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah (Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen) Monica: So, did I hear Poconos? Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend. Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together! Monica: Yeah, that's a big step. Rachel: I know... (Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected) Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal! Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... (makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now? (Camera pans back to Rachel) Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally... (Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach) Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration! [Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.] Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands... Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever! (Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over) Joey: Need a new table. Chandler: You think? --

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