[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.] Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? Monica: He doesn't have anyone. Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible. Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo. Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV) Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one. (Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler) Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax. Rachel: No way, forget it. Joey: C'mon, she's your mom! Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No? Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool! Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.' Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast. Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom. Ross: Oh, please... (Rachel opens the door to Paolo) Paolo: Bona sera. Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss) Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome? Monica: Last night. Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew. Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on! Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing! Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you- you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about? Phoebe: Your mom was arrested? Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride. Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man... Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing? All: Shhh. Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken. Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going? Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love... All: Awww! Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad... Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms. (The gang turn to look at Chandler) Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames. [Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.] Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports. [Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica] Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen. Monica: Nah... not-not special enough. Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon? Monica: Waaay too special. --

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