The One With the Butt -------------------------------------------------- Written by: Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: guineapig --------------------------------------------------- [Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.] Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting! Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom... Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud! (The lights dim.) Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen. (The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.) Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.) All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang... Opening Credits [Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.] Rachel: God. I feel violated. Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do? Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock. Ross: Is it? Feels like two. Chandler: No, ten o'clock. Ross: What? Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock! Ross: Oh. Hel-lo! Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men! Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone. Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.' Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it! Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here. Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years. Chandler: Thank you, buddy. Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys. Monica: You could do that! Chandler: Y'think? All: Yeah! Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue... Ross: C'mon! C'mon! Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.) Aurora: ...Yes? Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh... (He clears his throat noisily)...hi. Aurora: Yes, you said that. Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh.. would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.) Aurora: Chandler? (Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.) All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard! Joey: Whadja think? (Pause) All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard! Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head. All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head. Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.) Rachel: What is it? Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me! Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play! --

※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 118.167.122.14 ※ 編輯: samchiu 來自: 118.167.122.14 (11/19 22:26)