103 The One With the Thumb - PART 01 Originally written by Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by guineapig. PRE-INTRO SCENE: CENTRAL PERK PHOEBE: (ENTERING) Hi guys! ALL: Hey, Pheebs! Hi! ROSS: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go? PHOEBE: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!' ALL: Ohh. Ouch. RACHEL: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right? MONICA: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'. RACHEL: Since when? JOEY: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'. CHANDLER: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'. PHOEBE: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'. RACHEL: And everybody knows this? JOEY: Yeah. Cushions the blow. CHANDLER: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm. ROSS: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm. MONICA: Uh, Ross. ROSS: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi! (INTRO) SCENE 1: CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT. (JOEY IS REHEARSING A PART; CHANDLER READS THE OTHER PART FROM A SCRIPT) CHANDLER: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" JOEY: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die." CHANDLER: Hey, that was really good! JOEY: Thanks! Let's keep going. CHANDLER: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?" JOEY: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke." CHANDLER: "Smoke away." (JOEY TAKES OUT A PACKET OF CIGARETTES AND A LIGHTER. HE FUMBLES AND DROPS THE LIGHTER. THEN HE LIGHTS A CIGARETTE, TAKES A DRAG AND COUGHS) CHANDLER: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone. JOEY: What? CHANDLER: Relax your hand! (JOEY LETS HIS WRIST GO LIMP) CHANDLER: Not so much! JOEY: Whoah! CHANDLER: Hey! JOEY: Hey! CHANDLER: Alright, now try taking a puff. (JOEY TRIES AND VISIBLY WINCES) CHANDLER: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me. JOEY: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette. CHANDLER: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here. (JOEY RELUCTANTLY GIVES HIM THE CIGARETTE) CHANDLER: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete. JOEY: Y'miss it? CHANDLER: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (TAKES A PUFF) Oh.. my.. God. (CONTINUES TO SMOKE) --

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