I'll begin with the most trivial: I have read this poem several times, and each time I find myself pausing in the middle of line 1, i.e., right after "come"; I keep feeling that it should be "have come" instead. As for the content -- very exciting. On first read, I thought: "Yet another poem based on the over-wrought fairytale," but it's not, and I couldn't have been more wrong. After a few reads, I saw something dark and sanguine in the poem: you've tucked the motifs of self-deceit and mutilation securely under a peaceful facade -- an awfully good protest against the glass shoe before us all! I shuddered when I read, "It looks equally good when it's red." The mid-second stanza -- the exchange of conversation, is confusing. Which makes the poem more challenging to understand (thence more interesting for the curious ones, like me). Still, spatial devices could be employed to help display the logical outline. Just a thought. I must applaud your control of rhythm, e.g., the way the comma on line 3 ties line 2 and 3 together; and the triplets at the end of the poem. I look forward to more devices like these. -- ╭─────────────────────────╮ │"There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by │ │scorn." -- Albert Camus │ ╰────────────◇ http://distract.org/ ◇╯ --

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