※ 引述《hsinyu1989 (Tara)》之銘言： : 我是應屆畢業生 : 第一次寫求職英文自傳， : 我的英文寫作能力大學4年退步很多阿!(跪) : 我要投的公司是台灣公司，需要 短篇的英文自傳 : 我有參考前輩們的文章，但還是有要改進的部分 : 希望板上的高手能幫我看看有哪裡需要改進的.. : 非常感謝!!!! m(_ _ )m : 應徵工作是財務方面的 : I am XXXX studies banking and finance, graduated from : Tamkang University this year. 拆成兩句 My name is XXXX. I graduated from XXXX with XXX degree. My specialty is XXXX. : {About my personality traits} : I’m easygoing, open-minded and optimistic but easily : move to tears. I have high ability to adapt to the : environment that can familiarize myself into work rapidly move to tears不是這樣用的= = 除了文法上應該為 I am move"d" to tear之外 連意思也不通 因為I am moved to tears意思為我被感動到哭 正確用法為 He was moved to tears by sth. 或 sth. move sb. to tears I'm a easygoing, open-minded and optimistic person. Besides, I am easily touched with tears by even a mere trifle. Owing to my unique personalities, I can adapt myself to a new surrounding immediately which ..... 你很容易適應環境 但這對你或對以後工作上有何好處? 請在which後面寫上 我發現你的句子都是一句一句的 請找出前因後果 練習用which, that, what等連接起來 : {About my Work Experience} : My family didn’t cover all my expenses so I found a : part-time job after school. Over three years of work : experience in Tamkang University and I also have : an experience working as a customer service representative : in the Fubon Bank. Both jobs required me to speak to : customers via telephone. Opposing to the ordinaty stereotype : that the customer serivice is a boring job, I've actually : quite enjoyed in the position because it gave me an opportunity : to improve my telephone etiquette, my problem solving : capability, and my self-esteem.My direct supervisors say that : I’m very cautious, dependable and efficient because I : frequently find the error on the document. : 在學校工讀3年也有在銀行工作 : "Over 3 .......in the Fubon bank" : 這裡我一直覺得哪裡怪，但不知道要怎麼寫才會比較好.. My family didn't cover all of my expense during my college life(請寫上時間或是 哪方面的開銷 不然這句話是不完整的), so I have to find part-times jobs after school to support my living. 如果是我 我會說"同時" 不知道這個詞 符不符合你的意 I had been a part-time employee in XXXU for over 3 years, meanwhile, I had worked in Fubon Bank as a customer service representative. 下一句我不知道你想表達什麼 就好像中文中突然出現一句 兩個工作都需要用電話 那...然後呢? 你想這樣沒人看的懂 你應該改成 Since I had to deal with costomers over the telephone in both jobs, I........ 後面請接你學到什麼或有什麼心得 stereotype 字很漂亮但用的很爛 可把他視為impression Unlike a boring stereotype of common customer service jobs, they(我這邊假設你 是指這2件工作，因為由上下文判斷，感覺不出你有分別對各工作做詳述) are quite interesting and helpful. What really improved my telephone skill and problem solving ability at work. self-esteem我拿掉了 因為這個字不是這樣用的= = 你在哪邊聽過有誰說I am efficient過?= = 還有say要改成said 再來，請記住，寫文章(不管是中文還是英文)都要連貫，不然整篇文章會變的斷斷續續的 如同我之前講的，你的英文一句一句的，沒有連貫性。我在這裡看不出上一句話跟老闆 稱讚你有什麼關係。你應該改為：工作能力的提升>>工作表現很好>>老闆稱讚等等 (懶的想了 你自己去寫吧) Due to my satisfactory working performances, my boss admired me for my XXXX自 行填入 : {About my extracurricular activities} : My volunteer involvement with Mackay Memorial Hospital's : Children volunteers club provided great opportunities for me : to get work experiences, to meet people, to learn new s : kills, and best of all, to help childern who are less : fortunate than I am. : 請問有人知道兒童志工的英文怎麼寫嗎??? : Given an opportunity to work in XXX公司, I would do my best to : prove my capability. : 請大家指教 非常感謝!!!! The experience of being a volunteer in Mackay Memorial Hospital to help children XXX(日期/時間) really made me learn to communication with others and mostly learn to help those in need. I would appreciate that if you can give me a opportunity to work as a team in XXX. --

※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 58.115.52.107 ※ 編輯: nastry 來自: 58.115.52.107 (05/15 23:47)