ll find a cycle here. A repeated pattern of whatever behavior you discover. It ’s like a person with addiction: this is a habit pattern of dealing with difficult feelings and situations, and it’s not only a go-to pattern, it’s one they (feel that) they can’t escape. 11. Haters deserve mercy and love and forgiveness. The stabbed nurse can’t hate the patient. That only hurts the nurse. If you fight with them, you validate their false sense of victimhood or further hatred. They need love, and help, though ideally, from someone else, and hopefully, far, far away. 12. Haters of a feather flock together. Don’t mess with people who mess with people that you have learned not to mess with. Haters need support to sustain the justification for their behavior, lack of character, and just the really sad fact that they have engaged in hating. So they will figure out a way to gather as many people to their “side” as possible. But those people are either (also) being deceived, or, more likely, enjoy the hating. They may even like the fact that they can support the hating without actually getting their own hands dirty. In time, they may discover that they were deceived or were wrong, but you have to let them go just like the haters. This is how some people feel that they have to be in order to make their way in the world, especially when it comes to money. It’s hard, but that’s where they’re at. 13. Every leader has a bucket full of tears they have cried over the things that haters do. That’s gonna be my book title lol: “A Bucket Full of Tears: Journeys in Leadership.” 14. Let it hurt. Don’t try to not be hurt. Don’t try to not have your heart broken by people. No, let that pain be open. 15. Hate is all they’ve got. People turn to hating when they don’t have joy and happiness and healthy challenge. Over time, the hate takes them over. You can let them have their hate. No, it’s not good for them or anyone. But if it ’s what they need to get through whatever it is they’re going through, you can let them have it. 16. It’s okay to egg on the haters. Look, we’re talking here about people projecting their own problems onto you. Likely, you didn’t go after them. Well, there’s nothing wrong with a rap battle, now, is there? It’s good. It challenges people to produce and grow and create. It’s good for them, and it can be good for you, too. 17. You created the hate. It’s true. Look, light cannot exist without darkness. By not being what they demanded you be, by being true to yourself, it’s almost as if you’re saying to the Universe: “Come. Test me on this.” And the Universe obliges. This was the lesson of every great spiritual leader ’s life: by being something, you draw a line between yourself and those who are not that thing. Even if all you did was say “I stand for a better burger, ” the guy who doesn’t want there to be a better burger is gonna have an issue with that. It’s okay. That’s how you identify who wants to stand for a better burger with you. Haters are how you discover you’re tribe. 18. Let the haters tell you what to do. You are most DEFINITELY projecting onto the haters as well. The best thing you can do is dialogue with them on paper or in your own mind and ask them what you should do. They might tell you to clean up your act. The hater in your mind might be like “outperform me.” Listen to what the hater says to you in your head, and dialogue back. If they’re not in the room with you, then we’re only talking about a part of your psyche, and you’re relationship with that part of yourself is all that matters. 19. Haters make you into the leader you want to be. So prepare: there will likely be more. 20. Haters, and their support networks, are trapped in shame. Shame is the hallmark of the hater — they are ashamed they aren’t as X as you, they know their hating is wrong, those who support and enable them know they are behaving unethically as well — they have so many reasons for shame as do we all. But a hater’s shame is deeper. What produces haters is a belief that if they’re not better than others, they should be ashamed. You will almost always find a childhood rife with shame or shaming. It’s really the key to understanding haters and everyone connected with them. Deep shame, y’all. Hating is usually an attempt by those riddled with shame to publicly shame someone else. 21. The whole world is watching. When haters try to take someone down, the whole world steps back and watches to see what everyone does. (This is one of the types of sunshine that causes haters to hide.) The world — whatever small world the haters think they run — stands back to see if there’s substance to the hatred. If the haters bring you down, then we call them something other than haters. But if you survive, everyone forever knows that it was just tired, sad, old-school hatin’. 22. When they don’t bring you down, you just move to the next level. It’s kind of amazing. Like they literally will propel you to greater success. Imagine a state senator, and some people in the state senate try to destroy her reputation. They try to scandalize her, they shred her behind her back, they steal from her or lie about her, they try to get as many people as possible to join them in their crusade. Maybe there’s hearings. If they bring her down, the world sees it as just. But if they DON’T bring her down … hey, guess who just got short-listed to run for the US Congress. Like haters fail, and their failure proves that it was just hate, and that really, you’re ready for far more than they could throw at you. 23. Haters can’t strategize. Hate blinds you, it makes you act irrationally, so they’re not really a threat. They can’t think long-term (no one who does ever engages in hating). They don’t see a bigger picture. They are not as strong as you might think they are. Still though: watch your back. 24. Haters, and those who support them, can’t get anywhere in life until they go back and fix the damage they’ve caused. If their cause was just, they would go about it the right way, not by hating. If those who support them had good motives, they would demand sunshine on the whole situation and the right ways of dealing with conflict. So these haters can’t follow you where you’re going. Likely, they can’t even keep up. 25. Haters can cause a lot of damage, but they won’t actually create anything significant on their own (unless they stop hating). It’s like the old Freemason lesson, where one is asked how long it takes to build a building and how much skill (long and a lot) versus how long and how much skill to tear something down (not much at all). Haters are mostly trying to make a big splash, or to appear to be on par. Look at it like this: there’s only two ways to be as big of a deal as a president. You can spend you’re whole life working your butt off to develop yourself into something amazing… or you can shoot the president. Haters are like presidential assassins — they think they can achieve through destruction what can only be achieved through creation. 26. Don’t tolerate haters in your life or world, and don’t be friends or trust anyone who does. You can’t transplant cancer. If someone hates on people regularly, when they come into your life they will make it out like those other people were bad, but they love you. This is false. And just because people aren’t openly hating, if they’re comfortable being in relationship with people who do, they are actually worse, because their motives aren’t hate — they profit from the hate in some other way. I now know I was wrong to think that haters who hated on others wouldn’t come to hate me. This is a naive mistake for a leader. 27. Focus on your Lovers. Haters can DRAIN you — you’ve got to put your focus on those who love you instead. And as soon as the haters are out of your life, all those people who loved you or wanted to or thought they might but stayed away because of the haters’ games will come out of the WOODWORK. 28. Haters usually hate demographics, not just individuals. They will claim they don’t, but you will find bias against groups of people here somewhere. It might not be as bad as racism or homophobia, but it will be akin to it. Hatin’ is a way of life. No one just accidentally does it. 29. Look for who the Players are. When 50 Cent went after Ja Rule, he wasn’t hating. It looked like it, but he was making a cold calculated move. He knew that taking on Ja Rule was a great opportunity, a win-win for him, and a lose-lose for Ja Rule. Unless you’re a rapper, that’s not an approach I recommend in life or business, but if you observe your haters you may discover that one of them or their supporters doesn’t hate at all: they might actually have an incentive. In business this is usually money or status. Keep your eyes on the Players, or keep your eye out for them. But most likely… there are no players. There is no strategy. Just hurting people bumbling through the difficulty of being alive. 30. Haters can’t acknowledge that they’ve been wrong. If you ask them when the last time they did wrong and acknowledged it and made it right, they will say “I try not to ever hurt people” or some other such excuse. They lack the ability to say “Hey, I was wrong here. And my motives were wrong, and I want your forgiveness. Will you forgive me? And how can I make it right?” No hater has ever said those words. What should separate you from haters is that you can say it easily. 31. Haters and their supporters do not want healing and reconciliation. They do not want healthy relationships — they want relationships where they have disproportionate and unearned power over others. Also, hatin’s too tasty, and their egos are too stiff. 32. It sucks to be a hater or to be in relationship with them. Have pity, and try to show kindness. Fight for what you believe in, not against people who are hurting. Thank God every day that you are not on their path. 33. The rest of the world knows more about the situation than you do. People who are levels above you are watching it, they watch you grow, they watch you hurt, and they’ve probably watched you be stupid, too. They may gently try to guide you, but they won’t say much. They don’t need to. If they’re at a level above you — in life, development, business, leadership, whatever — they’ve had haters, too. 34. When haters are mixed in with your lovers, you get a warped sense of both. You’ll feel things and think it’s universal. But haters change the way you interact with your lovers. Once you can spot the difference, all your relationships change. Now you have something more powerful than hate: you have genuine loyalty and love. --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc), 来自: 101.136.219.227 (台湾) ※ 文章网址: https://webptt.com/cn.aspx?n=bbs/talk/M.1680253699.A.D18.html ※ 编辑: mothball0130 (101.136.219.227 台湾), 03/31/2023 17:08:55