[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.] RACHEL: How is she? PHOEBE: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign. ROSS: How's the hair? PHOEBE: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling. JOEY: Can we see her? PHOEBE: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, you come on in. (They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.) JOEY: How're you doing? RACHEL: I'm ok. JOEY: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts. RACHEL: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me. JOEY: You gotta tell Ross how you feel. RACHEL: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about Julie? JOEY: What about her? They've only been going out for two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 years. RACHEL: I don't know, I don't know. JOEY: Look, Rache, Rache, I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you. CHANDLER: (entering, angry) Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man! JOEY: Frankie? What're you talking about? ROSS: (entering from teh bedroom) Hey, what's goin' on? CHANDLER: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me. ROSS: What? JOEY: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years. CHANDLER: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite-- ROSS: what? CHANDLER: Cupping. JOEY: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants? ROSS: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you? JOEY: What? That's not? Oh my god. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is now out and about.] MONICA: Even Mary Tyler Moore would've been better. ROSS: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten. MONICA: Thank you. My hair is very amused. CHANDLER: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true. PHOEBE: Thank you. ROSS: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rache. RACHEL: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving? ROSS: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by "bye!" RACHEL: Well, can I talk to you for a sec? ROSS: Okay. (goes out onto the balcony) JOEY: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test... CHANDLER: That's ok. [Out on the balcony] ROSS: What's goin' on? RACHEL: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all, what? (Ross laughs) ROSS: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot? RACHEL: No. No-no-no-no. ROSS: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all? RACHEL: No, I think that was the whole all. [Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.] JOEY: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they measure pants. CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.] JULIE: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andy McDowell's new haircut? PHOEBE: You wanna do it right now? JULIE: Great! (Julie leaves) PHOEBE: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andy McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right? RACHEL: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andy McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes. PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you. RACHEL: You're welcome. END --

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