124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out [Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.] Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off... Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy! Phoebe: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut! Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over! (Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.) Ross: (quietly) That would be nice. (Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.) Rachel: Pardon? Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated) (Joey is looking at his check.) Joey: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back. Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars. Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time. Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey) Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research. Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research? Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science. Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. (everyone's interest is piqued, they all look over) Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study. (Rachel laughs.) Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time. Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars. Ross: Hey. Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.] Monica: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns... Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... (hands meat to Monica) (Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.) Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here. Joey: We make fire. Cook meat. Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back. Monica and Phoebe: Ewww! Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late. Joey: Oh, OK. Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your (provocatively) special someone? Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great. Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project? Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup? Monica: Man's got a point. Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me. Chandler: Crazy bitch. Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean. Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean. [Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.] Phoebe: Hey. Monica: Hey. Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags) Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last? Ross: I'm going to China. Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and... Monica: You're going to China? Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the bo¡Xit's¡Xit's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... here's a picture of me... (hands it to Monica) Phoebe: Oh, let me see! (takes the picture) Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me? Monica: Yeah. (Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.) Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun. Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left. Monica: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl. Ross: Oh. (pause) Hey, who's Carl? Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse. Ross: No. Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the... Ross: At the coffeehouse, right. Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) Sorry. Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys. Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story. (Ross goes outisde on the balcony.) Ross: Hi. Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China. Joey: The country? Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is? Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no. Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight. Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!? Chandler: Forget about her. Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food. Chandler: Course there, they just call it food. Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don't¡XI don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel) Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you. Ross: I know. Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug) Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice. --

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