Part 03 [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.] All: Help! Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow. [Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.] Carol: Are they here yet? Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok? Carol: Ok. Rachel: Ok? Carol: Ok. Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating. Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear. [Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.] Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push! [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.] Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open? Ross: Help! Help! Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next... (sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la. Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help! [Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.] Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet. (Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.) Chandler: Where have you been? Joey: Oh, just had a baby. Chandler: Mazel tov! [Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.] Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone? Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you? Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me. Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors. Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do. Rachel: Oh. Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do? Rachel: I'm a waitress. Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'... Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha. Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend. Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out) [Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.] Lydia: So how did you know I was even here? Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her? Lydia: No, this is a loaner. Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself. Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game? Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck. Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad. (Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.) [Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.] Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you. Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have. Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me? Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day. Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day. Phoebe: This is so great. Ross: You wanna explain that? Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting. [Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.] Carol: Where are they? Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon. Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this. Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station. Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me. (Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.) Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple? Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go. Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing. Carol: But they're not here yet! Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them. Carol: Oh, god. --

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