121 The One With The Fake Monica –Part 1 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.] Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number? Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent! Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought. Monica: I know. It's just such reckless spending. Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind. Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop. Monica: That's me. Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa) Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel- Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him. Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping. Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase. Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey... Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal. Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey! Ross: What? Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious. Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.] Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing. Monica: This woman's living my life. Rachel: What? Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies. Rachel: You're not an artist. Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't. Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things. Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we. Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'... Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School? Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo... Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother. [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names.] Chandler: How about Joey... Pepponi? Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral. Chandler: Joey... Switzerland? (The waitress brings their coffee.) Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not. Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin? Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar. Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me... Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good. Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph. (Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.) Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that! Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter.] Rachel: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were. Phoebe: What are you doing? Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class. Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card? Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is. Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing. Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you. --

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