[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment. Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry- Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil. Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it? Intercom: Animal Control. Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control! Ross: You called Animal Control? Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them? Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me. Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that... Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment! (A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it) Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming. Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey? Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light) Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't. Rachel: Turned out it was a hat. Ross: Cat! Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat! (Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in) Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel. Luisa: Marcel? Ross: My uncle Marcel. Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after? Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal? Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail? Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first? Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time! Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller. Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green! Rachel: Yeah! Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room! Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa! Monica: The Luisa from home room! Rachel: Yes!! Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you. Monica: No, none at all. Rachel: None. Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'? Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry! Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch! Rachel: What?! Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats? Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves) Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry. [Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.] Chandler: Marcel? Joey: Marcel? Chandler: Marcel? Joey: Marcel? (They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges) Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you? (Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment) Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something... Joey: A monkey. Chandler: Yes have you seen any? Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators? Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way? Woman No. 1: Of course. Joey: Oh. Then, no. (Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend) Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here? (Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances) Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door) Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu. Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here? Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot. Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out. (The women quickly shut the door) Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people. Joey: Marcel? Chandler: Marcel?! [Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.] Phoebe: Marcel? Monica: Marcel? Phoebe: Marcel? Both: Marcel? Phoebe: Oh-my-God! Monica: Whaaat! Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right leg! Monica: What is it? Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg. (Marcel makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the corner) Monica: Look, Phoebe! Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere! (Luisa appears on the stairs) Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun) Monica: What're you gonna do? Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser. (In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.) Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay? Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah. Monica: Oh gosh. [Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.] Ross: Marcel? Rachel: Marcel? Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone. Rachel: Ross, you don't know that. Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much. Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?! Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more! Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose. Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings... Rachel: Ross. Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just... Rachel: Ross. Ross: Oh, forget it, okay? Rachel: Ross! Ross: What? What? (A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him) --

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