117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2 - Part 1 Opening Credits [Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.] Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. (They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.) Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something. Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up? (Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.) Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me. (Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.) Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. (Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.) Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call? Rachel: You. Monica: Really? Rachel: Yeah. Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance? Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that. Monica: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance? Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost? Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars. Rachel: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do? Monica: Well there's not much we can do. Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours. Monica: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no. Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person? Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud. Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow! Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this. Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you. Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh). Nurse: Why? Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine. Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form). Monica: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am that stupid (tiny laugh). [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.] Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid. Chandler and Joey: That's nice. Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me. Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team. Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field. Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby! Joey: He should take the sack? Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father. Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad. Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking. (Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.) Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive? Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff. Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday. Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday? Joey: When's that? Ross: Tonight. Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening? (Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.) Ross: You take your time. (Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.) Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do? Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula. Chandler: And your friend Phoebe? Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys? Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit. (Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...) [Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.] Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference. (They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consults Ms.Geller's admissions form.) Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica? Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is. Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel. Monica (as Rachel): Hi. Dr. Mitchell: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell. Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen. (Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.) Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor? Dr. Rosen: Excuse me? Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach. Monica (as Rachel): Thank you. Rachel (as Monica): Right. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party. Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident.] Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it. Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part. Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes." Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates. Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute! Chandler: Alright, what have we learned so far? (There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.) The Whole Party: (Jumping up) SURPRISE!!! (Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.) Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me. Rachel: Was that the cake? Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush. Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute. (The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.) Rachel: I hope it's okay. (As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.) Monica: Oh... Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe." Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses. (Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.) Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools. Phoebe: Hey, what's going on? Ross: Oh, we just... Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise! Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey? (The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...) Chandler: Did you see Betty? (Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.) --

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