114 The One With the Candy Hearts -Part-01 [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.] Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you. Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. Chandler: Any contact? Ross: She lent me an egg once. Joey: You're in! Ross: Aw, right. Woman: Hi, Ross. Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent) Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian— I don't think we need a third... Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks. Ross: An egg? Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg." Chandler: I think it's winning. Ross: I think it's insane. Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend. (Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.) Joey: Think it'll work? Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.] Monica: You can not do this. Rachel: Do what, do what? Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night. Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy? Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day! Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do. Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes. Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight... Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend. Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a... Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this. Ross: Hi. She said yes. Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh? [Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.] Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look? Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice. Chandler: ...And what did you bring? Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. Chandler: Janice? (Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.) Janice: Oh.... my.... God. Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice. [Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.] Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window. Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down. Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months! Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous. Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!! --

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