103-The One With the Thumb - PART 02 SCENE 2: CENTRAL PERK(ALL PRESENT EXCEPT RACHEL AND PHOEBE) MONICA: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. (THE GUYS STRETCH OUT THEIR FINGERS) JOEY: That's ridiculous! ROSS: Can I use.. either thumb? RACHEL: (BRINGING DRINKS) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (HANDING THEM OUT) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this! ALL: Yeah. Yeah, excellent. RACHEL: (LEAVING TO SERVE OTHERS) Good for me! (THE GANG SWAP ROUND ALL THE DRINKS) (ENTER PHOEBE, MUTTERING. SHE SITS DOWN WITHOUT SAYING HI) JOEY: Y'okay, Phoebe? PHOEBE: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank. MONICA: What did they do to you? PHOEBE: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT- ROSS: Easy. PHOEBE: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account. CHANDLER: Oh, Satan's minions at work again... PHOEBE: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them. JOEY: What are you talking about? Keep it! PHOEBE: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing. RACHEL: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping! PHOEBE: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'... MONICA: We're with you. We got it. (CHANDLER LEANS OVER THE BACK OF THE COUCH, OUT OF SIGHT) PHOEBE: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt. RACHEL: Chandler, what are you doing? MONICA: (PULLING HIM UP) Hey. Whaddya doing? (CHANDLER TRIES TO SHRUG NONCHALANTLY BUT EVENTUALLY HE HAS TO EXHALE A MOUTHFUL OF SMOKE) ALL: Oh! Oh, God! ROSS: What is this?! CHANDLER: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking. PHOEBE: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years! CHANDLER: And this- is my reward! ROSS: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit. CHANDLER: Okay, so this time I won't quit! ALL: Ohhh! Put it out! CHANDLER: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (HE DROPS IT IN PHOEBE'S COFFEE) PHOEBE: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now! MONICA: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date. RACHEL: This Alan again? How's it goin'? MONICA: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun. JOEY: So when do we get to meet the guy? MONICA: Let's see, today's Monday... Never. ALL: Oh, come on! Come on! MONICA: No. Not after what happened with Steve. CHANDLER: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry. MONICA: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out. RACHEL: Well, then can we meet him? MONICA: Nope. Schhorry. --

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