作者RiverClyde (Rose)
站内poetry
标题[创作] Spent
时间Tue Apr 24 01:22:21 2012
where am I? it's hollowed out
walking by passersby in a still dark night
blinded by your disguise
flashing white lights drowned my voice
and throw shadows on your ceramic face
and who am I? lose count of time
the very best that I can offer, is rotten in your eyes
Somehow the one who understands me at best, fails
you are but a woman, grown out of your youth,
grown out of our youth, grown out of our memories
and worn off my love
--
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
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1F：推 spacedunce5:!!!! 04/24 08:39
2F：推 spacedunce5:very good poetic thought! but i guess the language 04/25 00:29
3F：→ spacedunce5:could be improved? 04/25 00:29
4F：→ RiverClyde:I foresake language for that thought, actually 04/26 16:04
5F：推 spacedunce5:yeah, the musicality is great! 04/26 23:03
6F：推 Asvaghosa: 'by passers by' is a bit ill 05/05 21:31
7F：推 spacedunce5:i like the assonance of that line 05/05 23:14