作者frolicker (像孩子般)
看板poetry
标题[创作] Disillusionment
时间Thu Nov 11 13:18:47 2010
Embraced
By a bumpy bar,
I saw the sun blurred, and heard
The moribund beats of a broken heart.
--
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 111.243.213.79
1F：推 hahastarr:better :) 210.54.148.202 11/11 14:16
2F：推 darksign:short and sweeeeet 74.64.46.185 11/11 14:42
3F：推 spacedunce5:i can't tell difference from 1st?140.112.115.224 11/11 17:43
4F：→ frolicker:thx for your compliments! :D111.243.214.152 11/11 19:21
5F：→ frolicker:The difference is making the repeated111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
6F：→ frolicker:"b" sound accord with the last line,111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
7F：→ frolicker:for it reflects the sound of heart111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
8F：→ frolicker:beats. The former vision is "A111.243.214.152 11/11 19:23
9F：→ frolicker:moribund beat," which does not fit in111.243.214.152 11/11 19:23
10F：→ frolicker: with the several "b" sounds in the111.243.214.152 11/11 19:24
11F：→ frolicker:poem. It's the reason I revised it.111.243.214.152 11/11 19:24
12F：→ frolicker:Hope you like it! ;)111.243.214.152 11/11 19:25
13F：推 spacedunce5:indeed, thou speaketh true! 61.228.76.141 11/11 23:57
14F：推 quoth:Depressed,Helpless ;( 125.231.162.48 11/12 16:40
15F：→ frolicker:I make u feel that way? Apology...XD 111.243.213.79 11/12 20:54
16F：→ quoth:ha~different reader different feeling ^^ 125.231.162.48 11/12 21:36
17F：→ quoth:Never mind!! 125.231.162.48 11/12 21:37
18F：→ frolicker:Your feelings actually explain the 111.243.213.79 11/13 00:11
19F：→ frolicker:success of it, so thank you! ˊˇˋ 111.243.213.79 11/13 00:12