作者frolicker (像孩子般)
看板poetry
标题[创作] Disillusionment
时间Thu Nov 11 13:18:47 2010
Embraced
By a bumpy bar,
I saw the sun blurred, and heard
The moribund beats of a broken heart.
--
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 111.243.213.79
1F:推 hahastarr:better :) 210.54.148.202 11/11 14:16
2F:推 darksign:short and sweeeeet 74.64.46.185 11/11 14:42
3F:推 spacedunce5:i can't tell difference from 1st?140.112.115.224 11/11 17:43
4F:→ frolicker:thx for your compliments! :D111.243.214.152 11/11 19:21
5F:→ frolicker:The difference is making the repeated111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
6F:→ frolicker:"b" sound accord with the last line,111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
7F:→ frolicker:for it reflects the sound of heart111.243.214.152 11/11 19:22
8F:→ frolicker:beats. The former vision is "A111.243.214.152 11/11 19:23
9F:→ frolicker:moribund beat," which does not fit in111.243.214.152 11/11 19:23
10F:→ frolicker: with the several "b" sounds in the111.243.214.152 11/11 19:24
11F:→ frolicker:poem. It's the reason I revised it.111.243.214.152 11/11 19:24
12F:→ frolicker:Hope you like it! ;)111.243.214.152 11/11 19:25
13F:推 spacedunce5:indeed, thou speaketh true! 61.228.76.141 11/11 23:57
14F:推 quoth:Depressed,Helpless ;( 125.231.162.48 11/12 16:40
15F:→ frolicker:I make u feel that way? Apology...XD 111.243.213.79 11/12 20:54
16F:→ quoth:ha~different reader different feeling ^^ 125.231.162.48 11/12 21:36
17F:→ quoth:Never mind!! 125.231.162.48 11/12 21:37
18F:→ frolicker:Your feelings actually explain the 111.243.213.79 11/13 00:11
19F:→ frolicker:success of it, so thank you! ˊˇˋ 111.243.213.79 11/13 00:12