http://www.twincities.com/timberwolves/ci_5963116 8:23 a.m.: Feeling groggy. Discovers he's in the back of an ambulance with potentially mortal wounds. Screams like a banshee when driver turns his face to him: It's Eddie Griffin. 8:24 a.m.: Awakes in cold sweat. 8:26 a.m.: Dream diary entry: "Had the nightmare again!" 9:00 a.m.: Finally rolls out of bed; decides today is going to be a "maintenance day." 9:15 a.m.: Breakfast meeting with Wolves director of scouting, Count Chocula. 9:45 p.m.: Picks up his complimentary copy of Forbes magazine's top general managers issue. Spends good 10 minutes looking for centerfold. 9:55 a.m.: First executive decision of the day: "There's still plenty of fishing left!" 10:15 a.m.: After frustrating search, finally finds tackle box underneath a crumpled pile of unused first-round draft picks. 10:18 a.m.: Delighted, calls chauffeurs, Fred Hoiberg and Jim Stack, for a ride. 10:33 a.m.: Checks his e-mail. Finds angry note from fan urging him to "Fish or cut bait." 10:36 a.m.: Sends polite reply, thanking fan for suggestion but pointing out it's actually Hoiberg's job to cut the bait. 10:39 a.m.: Hoiberg and Stack arrive, get berated for not wearing their special "McHale's Navy" T-shirts. 10:40 a.m.: Caravan heads out to undisclosed area lake. 10:41 a.m.: Reveals the day's mystery lake, which has been kept secret to avoid the risk of shoreline hecklers. 10:43 a.m.: Turns on sports talk radio when he runs out of things to talk about with Hoiberg and Stack. 10:45 a.m.: Hears the word "idiot" on the airwaves. Assuming they're discussing him or Brad Childress, decides to switch stations. 11:15 a.m.: After half-hour of fruitless scanning, settles on Jack FM upon hearing opening strains of "The Safety Dance." 11:30 a.m.: Glen Taylor tracks him down on the cell, wanting to talk about the upcoming draft and free-agent prospects over golf. 11:31 a.m.: Turns down owner's offer because golf requires too much exertion. 11:35 a.m.: After arriving at dock, McHale caravan sets sail in search of dinner. Noon: Realizing what time it is, caravan turns back to shore in search of lunch. 12:15 p.m.: Enjoys bountiful lunch feast of deer jerky and Hamm's while refusing to take trade calls from Knicks, Bulls, Celtics, Lakers and the Lithuanian national team. 12:50 p.m.: Accepting friendly wager from bartender, tries to smoke him under the table. 1:11 p.m.: Commences afternoon of fishing. 1:12 p.m.: Hoiberg has inspiration: Tries to get McHale to think of the draft as fishing, and players as fish. It goes nowhere. 2:11 p.m.: After Hoiberg catches what appears to be a world record-sized muskie. McHale orders him to trade it for Joe Smith. 2:54 p.m.: Takes cell phone call about a job reference. Tells caller that Bill Blair would be a fine addition to the Foot Locker family. 3:42 p.m.: Catches several northern pike, realizes each bears a passing resemblance to Marko Jaric. 3:43 p.m.: Orders Hoiberg to clean all his pike with prejudice. 3:58 p.m.: Heads to shore to enjoy some TV time at a dockside tavern. 4:00 p.m.: His two favorite words: "Hamm's" and "Oprah." 5:02 p.m.: Storms away from TV after start of Channel 4 news when Frank and Amelia call for McHale's deportation. 5:04 p.m.: Heads outside to watch his cronies fry up dinner. Enjoys watching Stack turn beet red whenever he calls him "Rachael Ray." 5:30 p.m.: Before supper, leads grace, giving thanks for his past few years of undeserved income. 5:31 p.m.: Concludes grace with prayer for the hungry children of Sprewell. 5:50 p.m.: Takes call from Charley Walters; tells him off the record he's looking hard at 6-11 off-guard from Belarus. 5:55 p.m.: At dinner's end, Hoiberg offers toast to "Fortune magazine's No. 1 GM" Much laughter follows. 5:57 p.m.: Orders Hoiberg and Stack to stop laughing. 6:30 p.m.: Trio begins homeward drive, during which McHale refuses to take trade calls from Cavaliers, Clippers and the Harlem Globetrotters. 6:35 p.m.: Note to self: Buy Street Smith's Draft Guide. 6:52 p.m.: Forces his assistants to join in a sing-along of "Come On Eileen." 7:32 p.m.: Arrives home. Sits down in front of the 72-inch plasma for an evening of NBA playoff basketball. 7:51 p.m.: Remembers to write monthly check to Christian Children's Fund, through which he cares for an undernourished child named Ndudi Ebi. 8:31 p.m.: While watching Detroit beat Cleveland, wracks his brain trying to remember name of the idiot who gave up on Chauncey Billups. 8:40 p.m.: Closes eyes and reminisces about his last trip to NBA Finals, as well as other events during the Reagan administration. 9:00 p.m.: Drifts off to begin his daily 12 hours of shuteye. --

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