hope it's not too late for your ielts exam! I think one of your problems is the boundary of a sentence. you sometimes use commas too often. I will illustrate a few examples. ※ 引述《smiledoris (小恩)》之铭言： : Some people believe that a college should be available to all students, : do you agree with this idea or not? : ------------------------------- : In modern society, the access to education has become easier than the old : days, there are more universities and college students than before. However, ~~ should be . : the argument between whether university education should be available to all : students or not has become a controversial question, personally, I do not . and why the argument is controversial? : agree with the idea of all students should go to college. : University education is quite different from obligation education, it refers compulsory education. : to further and deeper research and academic study, therefore, those courses . or ; : are more suitable for those who have interests in academic research, however, : not every one suits for academic research. so just to name a few examples about the use of comma/period. : There is a diversity incline toward mankind, that is to say, every one has : his own character and feature, and every one has his own talent and gift, : mankind is endowed by nature with different features. Hence, some people are : suitable for skillful mechanic maintenance, while some are good at athletic others : competition and some are apt for academy training. If every one goes to still others : college, the idea of university would not be fully fulfilled, and some people : ’s true interests would also be buried under piles of textbooks and journals. I think you need some explanation here. why would people's interests be buried if they went to college? : Some people argue that if college education is not available to every : student, the society would be injustice and unfair, for the opportunities are : not equivalent to all students. However, not letting all students go to This sentence can be revised further. I think it's a little bit strange to use too many negative constructions in one sentence. : college is definitely not discrimination in education system, for every one : should have lifelong learning and the good habits of acquiring knowledge; I think the reason the argument that having college education available to all the students is more related to tuition or the entrance exam than to lifelong learning? That is, if all students go to college, they still need lifelong learning and good habits, right? So I think you might want to use other claims? : however, there are still many different accesses to knowledge, for example, : libraries, speeches and even television programs. Entering to college is not : and should not be the only way to learn : In conclusion, not every one is suitable for college, and without studying in : college, there are still many methods to acquire knowledge and fulfill life : goals. : --------------- : 第一次po文，希望没有违反版规才好 : 谢谢愿意帮我看看以及批改的版友 : :D I used to take IELTS before. I think the listening section is more difficult than the writing section. Anyway, hope this is in time. Good luck! --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 128.205.231.174