the organizationof this article is fine, and the problem with grammar is minor. The biggest problem with this essay is how it corresponds to the topic. the topic is about which way of learning is better in your views. The first paragaph the advantage of the technology is emphasized, but the second paragraph suddenly turns to the argument that we need to use the internet carefully. so this becomes a little bit tangent. The developing paragraph here should be "why" the new way of learning is better than the traditional way of learning. In this essay, the better way seems to have been decided before writing, so the only thing that needs care is how to use the internet. However, the topic is not suggesting that. Instead, the topic wants an explanation why the internet can replace real human beings in teaching and learning. So, you might want to reframe your argument. ※ 引述《xenophobia (消失。)》之铭言： : 5. In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using : technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional : schools. Which would you prefer? : ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ : Technology provides linkages among different places in anytime. When the : Internet gradually become one of people's daily necessities, educate our : children on cyberspace is feasible. With various learning aids from the : Internet, multimedia or e-textbooks, what student learned will not only : be restricted in paper works. Learning knowledge is no longer a tedious : process;it becomes an active and flexible journey according to the need : of every individual. : While we praise the omnipotent power of technology, there are three : literacy of importance that we should bear on our mind. First is the literacy : of self-learning. Studnets should be able to study actively so that they may : have better incentives to use broader resources through technology. Second, : students should be equipped with the literacy of knowledge management, which : means the ability to select useful knowledge from tremendous information stream : s. The last one, the literacy of respect for knowledge properties. Learning : with the aid of other's wisdom does not mean that we can plagiarize other's : articles. Present your references can make you a professional learner, and : share with others what inspire you in the process of learning. : Learning does not only happen in traditional schools. For those who master at : three literacy mentioned above, every single piece of information could be the : best curriculum. Schools may not be replaced by computer screens, but the : access to knowledge will definitely diversify as long as technology keeps : thriving over time. --

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