※ 引述《november22 (小马儿要美梦成真^Q^)》之铭言： : ※ 引述《mcshady (Feather)》之铭言： : : 4. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? : : Telephones and email have made communication between : : people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples : : to support your opinion. : : In 20th century, the telephone and the Internet were invented : : by humanity. The effects brought by the telephone and the : : email deeply change our lifestyles, and thus impact our way : : of communication. Nowadays, some people still prefer to use : : the traditional methods, like handwritten letters, to : : communicate with their families or friends for the reason that : : the original mode is more personal; however, I don't agree : : with that statement. My reasons for this point of view are : : listed below. : : First of all, my main reason to disagree with the statement : ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : : is that the telephone and the email can save our time for : ^^^^^^^^^^ 这一段或可删掉，直接写that後面的topic sentences即可，较为精简。 : : communication and increase the frequency to communicate : : with our family or friends. It can be given a concrete : : example that we can call our family or email to one of : : our friends immediately when we desire to do that. : : Due to the conveniences brought by the telephone and : : the email, we can communicate with our family or : : friends more frequent than using the traditional way. : ^^^^^^^^ frequently 副词修饰动次 : : Second, perhaps one drawback to disagree the statement is : : that the telephone and the email can't express our real : : emotions and reveal the reality. For instance, to : : communicate with other people by letter papers can : : show your handwriting and present your mood in : : writing the letter. Therefore, there are few people who : : insist to send the Christmas cards in writing. : : Third, even though there may be one or two disadvantages to : : disagree the statement, the advantages far outweigh them. : : Another principle reason for my inclination to : : disagree with the statement is that the email also can : : achieve the same result as the letter does. Furthermore, : : contacting other people via the telephone, we can easier : ^^^^^^^^ can + 原V （少了动词） : : to communicate our feelings to the others though our : : voices. For example, when you are arguing with : : someone, it's more difficult to bottle your angry in : : communication via telephone than via the letter. : : That's why the experienced negotiators will avoid : : communicating with the counterparty via telephone in : : some unpleasant cases. : : For all of the above reasons, in spite of the fact that there : : may have one or two disadvantages to disagree with the : : statement, I still consider that the advantages are more obvious. : : To communicate with other people via the telephone or the email : : may save our time for communication and increase the frequency to : : communicate with our family or friends. In addition, the email : : also can achieve the same result as the letter does, and the : : telephone can easier to communicate our feelings to the others. : ^^^^^^^^^^^缺少动词 : : Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the : : conclusion that telephones and emails won't make : : communication between people less personal. : 您好： : 您的架构非常清楚，以下有些小小建议与疑问。 : 1.您的句子通常都以 A1 + that A2 的方式呈现。然而有些句子如上面所述，是可以删除 : 让句子更精简的。（不过听说制式的ETS电脑写作批改软体，如果多写一些transitional : word或that子句，可以把分数拉高，不知道是不是真的 Q_Q） : 2. 感觉您的论点并没有特别强调「为何没有less personal」 : First：增加与家人和朋友的沟通频率（+） --> 便利性？ : Second：无法表达情绪及真实感（-）-->理解，确实有perosnal emotion的成分在 : Third: 提出对second的质疑（+） : 其实我自己在写这个题目的时候，也对於「less peronal」是什麽意思感到困惑 : 一开始很难下笔。 : 想请教大家这类的文章是否需要先定义所谓「personal」是指什麽呢？ : 如我自己在写时会倾向将less personal 引导至 less privacy（电话跟email比较容易 : 遭到窃听或未经本人同意被转寄），然後举例。 : 我的写作老师说这样的逻辑推演是OK的 : 感觉写作最难的部分还是「逻辑」通不通 Q_Q : 谢谢 ~* 您好： 非常感谢您的宝贵意见，漏字的部分可能是我从wordpad复制贴上时遗漏掉了... 针对你第一个问题，that子句的使用方式可能是我的坏习惯，刚开始我也没注意到 （感谢您的细心提醒），而且，这篇文章我是用之前在网路上看到的模版， 经我修改後（我是依Henry Liu大大的作文架构进行修改 注1）， 第一次拿来套用的，可能还是会有许多缺陷跟瑕疵。 此外，多用替换字在我之前的学习经验跟工作经验上，是有其必要的，也常被写作老师（ 也是美国律师）以及事务所的律师所要求。而that子句的使用的确较不符合我之前工作 的要求，因为在撰拟法律文件，特别是写Warning Letter时， 我们最重要的要求除符合逻辑外，就是要精简（这两个字经常会被律师一直Repeat）， 所以在写TOEFL文章时，为了要增加句子的长度或是增加字数， 我就不会去将句子特别缩短或精简了，不过这样做是否可以增加作文分数， 可能要等我这礼拜天考完TOEFL，并等成绩公布後，才能得知了。 有关第二个问题，我写的三个理由，其中第一个理由是跟TOEFL电脑作文185篇（注2）中 的范文理由近似，主要是阐述传统的通讯方式（主要是指书信）无法即时传达， 甚至耗时许久，因此电话与EMAIL的方便性增进人们彼此间沟通的频率。 在查阅前述书籍後，他将"less personal"解释为「比较没有人情味」， 我刚开始也是对这个term有些疑问，最初也以为是跟privacy有关，但在思考过後， 我是认为题目的目的应该是要比较传统与新兴的沟通模式，如果仅是着重privacy， 那其实书信跟电话或EMAIL相较，都是有被窃取、窃听或未得同意而公开的可能， 因此，我舍弃有关privacy的论点。综上，我认为沟通频率的增加，以及立即的沟通， 可以增进两人间的感情（人情味），以情侣交往为例，每天数次通话（夺命连环扣除外） 会较每个礼拜的通信更能维系彼此的感情。 以上，如有错误，还请不吝指教，谢谢。 注1:Henry Liu大大的网志 http://www.wretch.cc/blog/HenryLiu/9574763 注2：托福电脑作文185篇 刘毅 着，学习出版有限公司 出版 --

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