This is a very good article. Consider revisiting the second paragraph, and break up some of the longer sentences. The English writer tend not to combine so many clauses into one compound sentence. It becomes quite hard to read. Also, watch the usage of singular and plural noun forms. For example, "education" in the first paragraph should be singular, "the policies of the Ministry of Education" should be plural, and "[the parents'] work" should be singular. It's always a blast to read your essays! ※ 引述《mingtai1 (绿豆嘉义人)》之铭言： : 文章有点长. 这次尝试了比较多样的句型, : 有错的或是任何意见还有劳大家帮忙提出. : Thank you! :) : Subject: : It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. : Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your : essay. : Text: : In my opinion, growing up in the countryside, though sort of objective due : to my personal experience of my childhood, benefits more than growing up in : a big city. The most important things for children or teenagers are firstly, : to receive education and secondly, to develop completeness both physically : and mentally and thirdly, to grow up in a family of love. In my view, : whether one receives fundamental educations in the countryside or a big city : makes little difference. Educations preceding those taught in colleges during : one's student career are quite similar, since no matter where the schools are, : what is taught is mainly based on the policy of Ministry of Education. : : As for the second reason-to develop physical and mental completeness, I would : strongly suggest children to stay in the countryside, for the sake that it is : less developed than a big city, it contains more space for leisure activities, : its environment less polluted and is therefore more suitable for : well-development of children's physical and mental completeness. In the : countryside, you can find it easy to run a kite, ride a bike or play ball games : wherever you want, for there is huge space, for there are no crowds to compete : so you do not really need to make a reservation or route a long way to find a : piece of available space, which usually cannot be avoided in a big city. : : Last but not least, growing up in a family of love, as I think the most : important one among the three points stated, is more likely to be accomplished : in the countryside. This may seem quite controversial, but it's a time-proven : fact that parents living in a big city tend to pay too much attention to their : works and consequently ignore their children, which is a major factor of why : teenagers start to become ill-behaved. To sum up, living in a rural area is : definitely worthwhile for children's benefit anyway. --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 99.231.10.180 ※ 编辑: dvlin 来自: 99.231.10.180 (03/12 04:49)