作者biolenz (lenz)
看板ST-English
标题Re: [写作班] 减肥计画 biolenz
时间Sun Oct 28 00:18:41 2007
首先要感谢 chileno 大的指导
让我看见蛮多没注意的地方的，收获颇丰。
几点问题整理出来：
犯错数 犯错率 (%)
1. 用词习惯 (语感) 6 29
2. 专有名词 4 19
3. 赘词 (无缘无故被动 A to be V.ed ) 2 10
4. 片语 1 5
5. 关系代名词的省略使用 2 10
6. 单复数的一致性 1 5
7. 语义不清 1 5
8. 动词时态 2 10
9. 连接词 2 10
小结：
主要是用词的习惯跟语感比较弱，不知道怎麽表达比较好。
另外就是专有名词部份，在自己不熟析的领域可能要对此敏感一点多查字典。
另外 4 项比较弱的主要都是集中在句子的结构顺不顺的问题。
如赘词、关系代名词、动词时态和连接词的使用。
最後要在文章完成後多读几次，以确保单复数跟动词在句子前後的一致性。
修改原文如下：
A
chemical-based keeping fit method, BowNiSo, for losing weight
(1)
The
obesity has been proved to have
a major risk factor for
(2) (1)
cardiac diseases. In social consideration, the
poor body shape also makes
(1)
people unconfident. However, to date, no effective method for keeping
(3)
fit
has been found.
(7)
By a novel keeping fit (KT) method, BowNiSo, the
decrease of abdominal
(1)
fat during the treatment was observed by magnetic resonance image (MRI).
This method
is based on
a seires of natural products
isolated from the deep sea
(5) (1) (5)
anemone to
keep people from eating fried chicken.
(4)
Subjects in this method
showed that they all
lost weight in significant
(2) (8) (8)
during the
three-week experiment. The rate of losing fat was
fivefold higher
(1) (1)
comparing to the control.
These results suggest that KT is a good method for losing weight,
and
(6) (9)
may be used as a alternative method in current medicine.
However, the mechanism
(9)
of the chemicals used in KT
requies further exploration in the future.
(1)+(3)
再次感谢 :)
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