※ [本文转录自 NBA 看板] 作者: celestial318 (强尼) 看板: NBA 标题: [专栏] 闪开! 让专业的来! 侠客再临! 时间: Wed Mar 4 14:05:56 2009 http://www.nba.com/2009/news/features/03/03/thomas.shaq.20090303/index.html Yeah, Shaq is back ... back to making big men whimper. I think I saw Pau Gasol 's upper lip quiver after Shaq dropped one of those mountainous shoulders into the Spaniard's chest. He lit up Gasol, D.J. Mbenga and any Laker taller than 80 inches for 33 points. A couple days earlier Shaq bullied his way to 45 points against a petrified Raptors squad. He'd bang into Chris Bosh, who'd collapse into a horizontal V, or wheel into the lane and watch cats get out the way. 是的，各位观众，那支专门让禁区大个哭哭的大鲨鱼又回来了。对战湖人时，若可以将镜 头zoom in 100倍，我们可以发现当鲨鱼那宽阔的肩膀陷入炮枷锁柔嫩的胸口时，这位西 班牙一哥的上唇颤抖着，分不清楚是欢愉抑或痛楚。虽然这场湖人的长人们表现不差，炮 哥与Sloth总计合得了30分，却依旧无法与鲨鱼的33分比肩。再往前几天，对战暴龙时 鲨鱼更是鲨很大! 从目瞪口呆的暴龙口中取得了45分11篮板的成绩。暴龙一哥波许防守 鲨鱼的下场便是被殴飞在地，而其他人只能在鲨鱼开坦克进入禁区时乖乖让路并为其摇旗 呐喊。 After the game, Bosh went the buster route and complained about Shaq camping out in the lane. So how did Shaq respond? Diesel called Bosh "the RuPaul of big men." Yes!! Shaq had a day to process what he obviously deemed disrespectful, cowardly hubris and came up with his perfect pop-culture touchstone. In other words, Shaq thinks Bosh is a man acting like a woman when it comes to what goes down in the trenches. Diesel has dropped some priceless gems before, but he might never top that one. 比赛结束後，波许虽然硬碰硬吃了大亏，但不甘心的他便采取了由ptt上所习得的技能: 嘴炮level 1试图进行反击。"我知道他年老体衰跑不动了，但整场在三秒区内休息是三 小? 可以这样的话林北拿个81分也不是什麽难事阿。" 但波许却忘了他所面对的乃是嘴炮 界的大师，实力远在booth之上的大欧。"这娘们儿，想嘴炮也不看对象，回去练个十年再 来吧!" 在鲨鱼眼中，波许在场上的模样或许娘的可爱，却丝毫吸引不了他，而被大欧最经 典的批评之一cite为reference的RuPaul，心中想必是五味杂陈。 It's what he said next, however, that may be Shaq's most self-aware and deservedly self-reverent statement of his career: "Make 'em quit and complain. It's what I do." Yeah, he does. 然而铁汉也有柔情，嘴泡成为习惯的大欧却也有严肃的一面。"我的行为一向只有一个动机 :打爆对手，让他们只能上黑特砍我。" ChrisBosh □ [超干] 只会靠裁判 还骂林北娘 Shaq turned a generation of big men into whimpering babies when they played him . ("He keeps dropping his shoulder!" "He keeps initiating contact!" "He's so big what do you want me to do?!" "If I can't foul him, how can I stop him?! This is unfair!") Adonises would get about six minutes of Shaq, throw up their hands and quit. He was more than dominant. He was frightening and demoralizing. In fact, Shaq basically voided the center position for a good 10 years. If Shaq never existed, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, Rasheed Wallace, Chris Webber, Zach Randolph, Al Jefferson -- a lot of dudes 6-foot-10 and bigger, probably -- would have played center their whole careers. I've never been able to get a coach or exec to corroborate this theory, but it's true. I know it is. And I'm not the only who believes this to be the case. 鲨鱼在与新世代的长人比划时常将他们打的叫不敢。以下是来自受害者的怒吼: "折凳算什 麽?他的肩膀才是七大武器之首!" "保安! 可以让人撞了又撞，撞了又撞的吗?" "你以为 愚公移山喔，这麽大只我能安怎?" "犯规也没有用阿，根本就是开外挂嘛! 打屁喔!" 一般 人在与他放对的六分钟内便会举白旗投降。他统治了整个联盟，令人闻风丧胆。有云: 乍闻鲨鱼名，小儿不夜啼。他在中锋这个位置上称王了起码有十年之久。若不是因为他的 话，石佛、真男人、溪蛙、CW4、软豆腐、新狼王等一票6尺10寸以上的长人恐怕整个生涯 都在打中锋，而这似乎也是个大家默认的事实。当然，并不是只有我这麽认为。 My boy Tony first planted this seed in my head a few years ago when, while analyzing why the league had a myriad of game-changing power forwards and then just Shaq and, for the most part, a bunch of stiffs at center, he said: "All these big men play power forward because they don't want it with SHAQ!" Then, several years later, I was at an AAU tournament, talking about the upcoming 2004 Draft class and an NBA scout lamented how Shaq had scared away all the big men. "There's no way that guy should be a power forward." He was talking about Dwight Howard who, if you remember, entered the NBA projected as a four. The Magic had workmen like Kelvin Cato and Tony Battie holding down the middle until Dwight finally decided to take logical ownership of the center position a couple seasons ago. 让我萌生这个想法的是犬子Tony。数年前他正在探讨联盟中的一个独特现象: 那些生猛有 劲足以左右比赛战局的大个子们通常都是打大前锋，而打中锋的通常都是那些只会做苦工 跟努力犯规的三流小咖。"他们光听到鲨鱼的名字就快尿裤子了，哪还敢去打中锋跟他放对 阿。" 数年後我在一个业余的篮球锦标赛跟一位球探谈论即将到来的2004年选秀，而他抱 怨着鲨鱼把很多大个子都吓跑了。 "这小鬼怎麽会去打大前锋呢?" 这是鲨鱼对魔兽当时的 评监。在刚开始的几个球季魔兽还未改造完成时魔术还是由Cato跟Battie这些苦工担任中 锋，直到前几季魔兽突然又想不开，於是决定担任先发中锋的位置。 That was the deal back then. Squads routinely took their stud -- their most gifted, athletic, talented big men -- and made them PFs. The consensus back then was that these new big men shouldn't be imprisoned by "the paint." They saved "the paint" and center position for worker bees, big men that could and should focus on the game's grimier tasks because they weren't capable of the more graceful and dynamic flourishes. 於是在那个年代最常见到的现象便是球队会把其最有潜力、最有天赋、最威猛的大个儿安 排到大前锋的位置上。他们就像温室中的花朵被保护的好好的，活动范围不受限於禁区内 ，而那些肮脏的活便交给那些球技不足，干架有余的肌肉棒子去搞定。 This was half truth and half rhetoric. Underneath all that rationale was a dirty secret. Players, coaches and management wanted to shield their most prized franchise commodities from the physical AND emotional damage that came from not only playing Shaq's position, but having the Shaq Assignment. Why? He'd "make 'em quit." 虽然这麽说有点夸大，不过这种看似龌龊的手段是球队唯一能够采取来保护珍贵长人的方 法。鲨鱼并非浪得虚名，虽然他没办法把鞋子拿来当吹风机用，但他所能造成的肉体以及 精神上的损害，是很容易让这些球员自暴自弃跑去落人群中住的。 Back in 1988, Sports Illustrated put an old game photo of Wilt and Russell on its cover with the title "The Vanishing Center." The article ("Where Are They") seems silly in hindsight, now that we know the 90s was a decade of Pat Ewing, The Dream, The Admiral, Dikembe, 'Zo and Shaq. The premature and worrisome doomsday rhetoric of the SI piece was fairly warranted at that time, though. Ewing had yet to develop, Dream had digressed a bit, Ralph Sampson was imploding, David Robinson was still in a Navy uniform and the previous generation of great centers (Mo' Malone, Kareem, The Chief) was getting old. Jack McCallum, one of the great basketball writers of our time, saw changes -- some subtle, some seismic -- that were marginalizing the once epic position. Changes in defense (swarming defenders), changes in players (Be Like Magic) and changes in the game (bigger, better players) were threatening to turn centers into the Ringo Position. 在1988的时候，某一期的运动画刊将一场张大帅对决Bill Russell的比赛照片当做封面， 并订下了标题"消失的密室"...阿抱歉 是"消失的中锋"。其中一篇文章"众里寻他千百 度"若依照许多乡民放马後炮的能力可能会被嘘到XX，因为我们都知道90年代存在着许多 伟大的中锋: 大猩猩Ewing、梦幻的欧拉、海军上将、至今年龄和全名仍为谜的老木、晨 星以及鲨鱼。这些伟大球员的出现适度缓和了运动画刊当时过早的忧虑。不过当时Ewing 尚欠磨练，欧拉与传统中锋的打法有些许的偏差，Ralph Sampson已经不行了，海军上将 虽浑身肌肉但还略显稚嫩。上一代的传奇中锋们(摩西马龙、天钩、酋长)也已经老态龙锺 。Jack McCallum是一位当时非常有名的篮球专栏作家，而他也开始察觉到一些让中锋重要 性逐渐降低的变化。当然他和糗爷不同，有看比赛有研究，此跟灵性绝对毫无关系。比赛 中防守强度的上升(我还是觉得那时候的防守真的是很激烈)、球员型态的转变(如Magic这 般可身兼数职的球员)、以及球员对抗性的增加(更大!更硬!更壮!)等等因素都慢慢的降 低了中锋的地位。 As it happened, the five spot was salvaged and power forwards continued to play the brute role. Charles Oakley, AC Green, Otis Thorpe -- they were the goons. The centers were the stars. And if the 6-foot-10 Hakeem Olajuwon or Alonzo Mourning would have come into the league after Shaq, they'd have been power forwards. 不过上述伟大中锋的出现又将潮流导回以中锋为主的时代，而大前锋依然是一个负责干 粗活的角色。Oakley、Green、Thorpe等人可以说是队上的第一打手，而中锋则是队上的 一哥。如果单单6尺10寸的欧拉和晨星是在鲨鱼之後才进联盟的，那麽他们八成也会转 去打大前锋的位置。 I mean, Shaq came in the league and immediately started abusing his elders. Not stiffs, like Benoit Benjamin, but real dudes. What Shaq used to do to Ewing and Robinson was kinda disrespectful when you look back at it. My Pops used to marvel at how this young 23- or 24-year-old was manhandling men. At some point , defenders literally gave up. I've seen a few -- Dikembe Mutombo comes to mind -- that would actually look up, as if they're asking God for help. ("Help me God, for this angry, behemoth man is shattering me.") Teenagers saw that and probably thought, "I can't cope with that ... I better get an 18-footer." 你要知道，鲨鱼从一进联盟开始虐待他的前辈们了。不是只针对Benoit Benjamin这种咖 小，而是那些当时赫赫有名的明星中锋。现在回顾一些鲨鱼对待大猩猩和海军上将的行为 ，你只会觉得他怎麽这麽靠盃，一点都不敬老尊贤。当时我老爸总是会为这23、4岁的小 夥子的卢小程度感到惊奇。在很多时侯，防守者基於生命安全的理由就放弃了。我自己也 看过几个，而印象最深刻的便是那爱摇手指的老木。他们常会无语问苍天，试着从上帝那 得到一点帮助 (神阿 救救我吧!一把年纪了，一个戒指都没有，还要被史前巨兽摧残， 天道何在阿!) 年轻一辈的看到鲨鱼打球後心理都会OS:(篮球场是很危险滴，赶快回寝室 吧，反正还有魔兽跟ptt。) No player will ever admit this. KG -- no less capable of playing center than Robinson -- would never reveal, "Man, I probably should've been a center, but that was Shaq's position and I ain't Shaq." GMs won't either. And, perhaps, maybe they don't even realize it. Maybe it's one of those shameful admissions that folks want to keep to themselves. 当然有尊严的NBA球员们都不会轻易承认这点。真男人打中锋的能力并不会比海军上将差 ，但他也不会泄密: (我本来是要打中锋的，但鲨鱼太机掰了，况且这样我就不能乱跑去 守对方的後卫了!) 各队GM当然也不会，也或许他们根本没意识到这个情况。这是NBA的 一个不能说的秘密。 When I talked to an Orlando Magic insider a couple days ago, he said they had to "fool" Dwight into playing center. Curiously, and perhaps advantageously, this was right around the time Diesel started slowing down from older age and nagging injuries. I know you think it seems natural that Dwight and Andrew Bynum and Greg Oden and Hasheem Thabeet are centers but, trust me, they'd have found a way to fashion themselves as power forwards 10 years ago. Shaq was so intimidating and punishing that he scared away rivals. 几天前当我与魔术内部高层的某位人士聊天时，他跟我说他们是以诱骗的方式才使得魔兽 改打中锋的，而条件是允许他在比赛前能够自由的"清枪"。很凑巧的，这时的鲨鱼也因为 年龄以及伤势所苦而不复以往的威力。对大家来说魔兽、霸男、老脸状元欧登以及 Thabeet等人打中锋似乎是件很正常的事，但若是在十年前(别怀疑，那时欧登还没打NBA) ，他们一定会想尽办法转型成为大前锋。对任何他的对手来说，跟鲨鱼对阵这件事就是 一种最恐怖的惩罚。 I'm enjoying this Shaq Revival. With Shaq regaining his mojo, it means he's running his mouth more, which is never a bad thing. Aside from calling cats RuPaul, these days, Shaq likes to refer to opponents as barbecued chicken; severely appropriate, since that's really how he treated everyone -- even his legendary elders -- for a good 12 years. He ate 'em up. 我个人是挺享受这段侠客回春季的。随着鲨鱼开始重拾活力，他那最着名的嘴炮出现的 次数也频繁了许多，这对乡民来说是件好事，因为这样才多了些可以讨论和战的话题。 除了称波许为大个中的RuPaul外，鲨鱼更喜欢将他的对手们，无论是现役球员或是过去 的传奇球星，称做红烧鸡翅膀。我觉得这是非常中肯的。因为－－－ Shaq: 红烧翅膀，我喜欢吃 －－－ Stern: 但是你GM说你快升天－－－ Kerr: 越快升天就越应该要拼命吃，如果现在不吃，以後没机会再吃！ That's going to be Shaq's legacy. Unlike Wilt, he dominated in an era of dominant big men. He dominated so much that he made some change position, others just "quit and complain." It's what he did. 总之，这就是鲨鱼会留给後人的印象。跟张大帅不同的是，他统治了一个拥有许多传奇 中锋的年代。 他太imba了，以至於有些人因为他而改去打大前锋，而其余的人所能够做 的与波许相差无几: 放弃比赛，上黑特砍鲨鱼。 ____________________________________________ 有鉴於最近Shaq的回春 特别看了一下这篇 觉得还挺有趣的 就弄来博君一笑 想不到花了这麽久 囧 欢迎大家批评指教 --

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