作者chunlin05 (复制强)
看板NTUSFA
标题[转录]Re: [问卦] 有没有星舰迷航记的八卦
时间Wed Nov 19 20:01:42 2008
※ [本文转录自 Gossiping 看板]
作者: hoder (超级野菜人) 看板: Gossiping
标题: Re: [问卦] 有没有星舰迷航记的八卦
时间: Wed Nov 19 08:53:31 2008
出处及翻译人员已不可考
据说经过此一事件之後 舰上有大部份的人员仍在做心理方面的治疗
以下内容有不良成份 将影响您强化对微软神圣且不可侵犯的认同感
请自行斟酌阅读
"Star Trek Lost Episodes"
transcript.
银河飞龙轶事
<Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able
to access their command pathways?"
<毕凯>「鹰眼，你有没有找到博格人的任何弱点？还有，百科，你是
否已接上对方的指挥通道？」
<Geordi>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
<鹰眼>「有的，舰长。事实上，我们是在有关二十世纪末电脑科技的
档案中找到的。」
<Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
<鹰眼按了一个键，一个标帜出现在电脑萤幕上。>
<Riker looks puzzled.> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
<瑞克面露疑惑>「『微软』是个什麽玩意儿？」
<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this
program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
<百科转身回答>「让我来解释。我们要把这个叫做『Windows』的程式
送入博格人的命令通道中。只要它进入了他们的底层命令单元，它就
会不停地消耗系统资源。」
<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
<毕凯>「但博格人具有适应性。他们不是可以修改他们的操作系统来
增加他们的储存容量？」
<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a
new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to
adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be
taken over and none will be available for their normal operational
functions."
<百科>「是的，舰长。但当『Windows』发现这点时，它会造出它的
一个新的版本，叫做『昇级版』。每次出新版时，它消耗资源的速度
都会呈指数倍增，博格人根本就来不及适应。到最後他们所有的计算
能力都会被消耗殆尽，而无法进行正常的运作。」
<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."
<毕凯>「做得好，这比那个『无解几何形』的主意还要好。」
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
. . . 十五分钟後 . . .
<Data> "Captain, we have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected 'upgrade'."
<百科>「舰长，我们已经将『Windows』植入他们的命令单元。正如
预期地，它立刻消耗掉全部资源的85%。可是我们还没有得到任何有
关『昇级版』的消息。」
<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
<鹰眼>「我们的扫瞄器发现博格人的储存容量和CPU能力都有提昇，
但仍然没有任何『昇级版』的迹象。」
<Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
something we have missed."
<毕凯>「百科，再搜寻一遍历史资料库，看看我们有没有漏掉什麽。」
<Data> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.
<百科>「长官，我想有一个原因会使得『昇级版』不来。显然博格人
没有寄出他们的注册卡，才会躲掉我们计画的这一部分。」
<Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
<瑞克>「舰长，我们没有选择了。请淮许启动紧急脱离程序3F...」
<Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
suddenly dropped to 0% !"
<鹰眼兴奋状>「等一下，舰长，我刚侦测到他们的CPU能力忽然掉到0%！」
<Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
<毕凯>「百科，你的扫瞄器上怎麽说？」
<Data> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."
<百科>「显然博格人找到『Windows』内一个叫做『接龙』的模组，
而这个模组用光了CPU的处理能力。」
<Picard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."
<毕凯>「我们再等一等，看这个『接龙』可以削弱他们的功能多久。」
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
. . . 两小时後 . . .
<Riker> "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
<瑞克>「鹰眼，博格人那儿怎样了？」
<Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something
called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
<鹰眼>「博格人正如预期地尝试修改CPU和记忆体，来补偿需求的增加，
但我已经设定好我们离他们最近的深太空监测站，只要他们一增加他们的
资源，我们就从一个叫『微软欢乐包』的东西里找出更多的『Windows』
模组来传送给他们。」
<Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?"
<毕凯>「如此我们可以争取到多少时间？」
<Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."
<百科>「以目前博格人解决问题的速度来看，我预计可以多出六小时。」
<Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
<鹰眼>「舰长，另一艘舰艇进入本区。」
<Picard> "Identify."
<毕凯>「辨认。」
<Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"
<百科>「它上面有很像『微软』标帜的记号。」
<Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE
MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE
CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR.
SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU
HAVE 10 SECONDS"
<扩音器中传来>「这是比尔盖茨司命，微软专卖旗舰。我们确认在本
区有未注册的软体。缴出所有的财产，我们就不找你们麻烦。给你们
十秒钟。」
<Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
<百科>「外星船只刚打开了前舱盖，放出数以千计的人形物体。」
<Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
<毕凯>「放大前视仪上的外星船只。」
<Riker> "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the
tortures of deep space ?!"
<瑞克>「老天哪，舰长！那些是没穿太空装的人类，直接飘往博格人
的船去了！他们怎麽能在外太空中生存？」
<Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I
believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing
Armani suits"
<百科>「我相信那些不是人，长官。如果你仔细瞧，我想你会看到他
们都带着某种二十一世纪人称做鹿皮手提箱的东西，而且身穿雅曼尼
西服。」
<Riker and Picard together horrified> "Lawyers!!"
<瑞克和凯毕以恐惧的声音>「律师！！」
<Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
<鹰眼>「不可能。所有的律师在2017年大觉醒的时候，都被捆起来丢
进太阳里了。」
<Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived."
<百科>「没错，但很显然有些律师生还了。」
<Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all
types of papers."
<瑞克>「他们包围了博格人的船，然後用各种各样的纸张贴在上面。」
<Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it often
proves fatal."
<百科>「我相信在古代俗语中那东西叫做『红带』，是会致命的。」
──译注：红带是系公文用的，引申作「官样文章」。
<Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
<瑞克>「博格人的船被撕成碎片了！」
<Picard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the
Borg deserve that."
<毕凯>「把监视器关掉。就算博格人罪有应得，我也看不下去了。」
--
※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 60.251.150.139
1F：推 yaqw:XD 11/19 08:55
2F：推 shacking:有笑有推 11/19 08:57
3F：推 iamsjkla:老外真幽默XD 11/19 08:59
4F：推 Timbug:我第一次看这篇文大概是1997年....请问有人更早的吗 O.O 11/19 09:02
5F：推 mistofsnow:我一直在想像画面 超好笑的 XDDDDD 11/19 09:03
6F：推 painkiller:超赞 11/19 09:22
7F：推 tsubasawolfy:XD 11/19 09:22
8F：推 a782212000:可以转joke吗？ 太有点啦～ 11/19 09:22
9F：→ hoder:嗯是97年的 因为当时正出win98 beta 都十年了 公式都没变 11/19 09:25
10F：→ hoder:请转 这本来就是从以前椰林joke备份出来的现在应该没了 11/19 09:27
11F：推 kissorkiss:nice joke! 11/19 09:32
12F：推 romado:一整个很有画面呀… 11/19 09:41
13F：推 bag:微软真是十年如一日啊！ 11/19 09:44
14F：推 motokare:其实DATA是不会用It's这样的缩写的...他都说It is....... 11/19 09:46
15F：推 Csir:有笑有推XD 11/19 09:47
※ a782212000:转录至看板 joke 11/19 09:53
16F：推 des1267:XD 11/19 09:55
17F：推 moboo:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 11/19 10:26
18F：推 kodato:XD 11/19 10:40
19F：推 newper:XDD 11/19 12:21
20F：推 HornyDragon:<瑞克和凯毕以恐惧的声音>「律师！！」 笑死XDDDDDDD 11/19 13:38
21F：推 yoruhoshi:好笑~~ 11/19 14:41
22F：推 zaknafein987:XDXDXD 11/19 18:08
23F：→ AHELF:STARTREK 有1995的备分 11/19 18:27
24F：推 doglegs:这是破窗95推出时的众多嘲讽笑话之一 11/19 19:30
25F：推 chunlin05:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 11/19 20:01
※ chunlin05:转录至看板 SF 11/19 20:01
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