※ [本文转录自 joke 看板] 作者: mecheers (dans vos yeux) 看板: joke 标题: Re: 转贴 亚拉冈的秘密日记 时间: Mon Dec 30 00:47:19 2002 啾! 金屁的秘密日记 DAY ONE Grr. Argh. 第一天 吼~嘎嘎~~ DAY TWO Faffing about in Rivendell with stuck-up elves v. bad for my digestion. Have asked Elrond to move me to second floor as cannot get into bathroom here without being subjected to sight of hobbits bathing amongst scented candles. Is ridiculous. Got splashed with strawberry bath foam yesterday. On plus side, beard now silky and conditioned. 第二天 在瑞文戴尔跟骄傲的精灵们瞎搞, 会害我消化不良。 要求爱隆王让我搬到二楼去, 因为一进浴室就会看到哈比人 在烛光中洗着泡泡浴。太荒谬了。 昨天还被草莓沐浴泡泡泼到。 好的方面, 我的胡子现在整齐光滑又柔顺。 DAY THREE Elrond refuses to move my room. Walked in on hobbits again this morning. What WERE they doing with that carrot? Inbred bunch of halfwits, no wonder they can't even grow decent beards. 第三天 爱隆王不让我换房间。今早又撞见哈比人。 他们到底用那根胡萝卜在~干~嘛~~ 这群天生的笨蛋, 难怪留不出像样的胡子。 DAY SEVEN Suspect Aragorn son of Arathorn of being pervy hobbit-fancier. Completely ignoring hottie elf fiancEe in favor of barging about with hairy-footed gnomes in leather breeches. Fortunately I, Gimli son of Gloin, am here to take care of her loneliness. Later. Elf women just the right height to keep my ears warm. Go me! 第七天 我怀疑亚拉松之子亚拉乾可能是变态哈比控。 把漂亮的精灵未婚妻冷落一旁, 只喜欢在穿马裤又有毛脚的小鬼身边晃来晃去。 幸好有我,葛罗音之子金屁, 在这里排解她的寂寞。 ( 稍晚 ) 女精灵们的身高正好可以温暖我的耳朵。哈哈~~! DAY NINE Have agreed to go on Quest. Arwen getting awfully grabby. Gimli son of Gloin will not be tied down. Would rather spend time with touchy-feely hobbits and poncy elves than hang about Rivendell taking about 'our relationship.' 第九天 答应参加远征。亚闻开始索求无度。 葛罗音之子金屁才不会被她绑住。 与其留在瑞文戴尔谈我们之间的关系, 我宁愿把时间花在卿卿我我的哈比人和娘娘腔的精灵身上。 DAY THIRTEEN V. cold on top of Caradhras. Big fight over who got to carry hobbits up the mountain. Did not participate as was busy showing Legolas how to get hair braided just right. Fight ended when Aragorn picked up Ringbearer and stuffed him in his trousers. That's right, Isildur's Heir. Suffocate the Ringbearer. Honestly, these people. 第十三天 卡兰拉斯山顶好冷。大家抢着抱哈比人上山, 打了一架。 我没加入, 因为当时正忙着教勒苟拉斯如何绑漂亮的辫子。 干架的结果是亚拉乾一把抓起魔戒持有者塞进他裤子里。 干得好, 埃西铎的後代。 闷死他吧。把这些人闷死更好。 DAY FOURTEEN In Mines of Moria. May have made slight miscalculation, as it seems that cousin Balin has been dead for at least sixty years. Suppose it should have occurred to me that has been a while since last got Christmas card from the Moria folks. Still, cannot be expected to keep track of everything. 第十四天 在摩瑞亚矿坑里。小小估算错误 看来巴林表哥已经死了至少六十年。我应该早想到的, 上次摩瑞亚的亲戚寄圣诞卡来有好一阵子了。 还是不能指望跟每个人都保持联系。 DAY FIFTEEN Gandalf fell into shadow. Hobbits used as excuse to have teary cuddlefest on rocks. Suffered manly embrace from Boromir, although he kept jabbing Horn of Gondor into my solar plexus. At least, hope that was the Horn of Gondor. Does not bear thinking about if not. 第十五天 柑道夫掉进黑暗深渊里。 哈比人用这个当藉口在岩石上哭着搂搂抱抱。 波罗莫的拥抱让我很痛苦,他一直用刚铎的号角捅我的太阳穴。 起码我希望那是刚铎的号角。如果不是…恶…我连想都不敢想。 DAY SIXTEEN Legolas told me Aragorn is way into Frodo. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Suggested to Legolas that we might want a leader who is less of a lech. Legolas then asked if I wanted to take a bath with him. Beginning to suspect that all that Elvish poetry about the glory of warrior-bonds between men just big cover-up for illicit spanking games. 第十六天 热狗拉斯告诉我亚拉乾在把佛罗多。 他如果敢干麻, 山姆会宰了他。 跟热狗拉斯提议也许我们要一个不那麽好色的人来带队。 然後热狗拉斯问我要不要跟他一起洗澡。 开始怀疑精灵诗歌里面, 战士们间的情谊其实只是在掩饰不正当的下流游戏。 DAY TWENTY In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite the babe. While hobbits off power cuddling and Boromir chasing Aragorn, had time to show her a few dwarf tricks. Nothing fancy, just a bit of Hide the Helmet and Delving In The Mines. V. satisfactory for everyone, except possibly Celeborn. On second thought, maybe that was Celeborn. Cannot much tell difference with elves. 第二十天 在罗斯洛立安。凯兰崔尔真是个辣妹。哈比人忙着搂搂抱抱, 波罗蜜忙着追亚拉乾, 所以我就有时间秀些矮人把戏给她看。 也没什麽特别啦, 不过就是那些头盔在哪里和挖深洞的把戏。 每个人都很满意, 大概只有赛勒鹏例外。 呃… 那「应该是」赛勒鹏吧。实在分不出精灵的长相。 DAY TWENTY-TWO Left Lothlorien. Have been paddling in boats for days. Am getting v. lonely. Hobbits looking not so bad. Rather cute in fact, despite mullet haircuts. Cannot get near Frodo without getting bitten on kneecaps by Sam, and Pippin dating Boromir, so will see if perhaps Merry wants to take a nice moonlit stroll tonight. Hurrah for warrior-bonds between men. 第二十二天 离开罗斯洛立安。划船划了好几天, 好寂寞啊…。 哈比人看来其实不差啦,应该说是很可爱, 只是发型很蠢。 一接近佛罗多 山姆就会咬我的膝盖, 皮聘和波罗蜜在约会, 我要去问问梅里今晚想不想来个啵棒的月下散步。 万岁!战士间的情谊!! -- 爱˙说˙笑 --

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