这篇是搞笑的，笑到肚子痛! 这位球评真好笑! 资料来源: http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2008/05/23/ Friday, May 23rd, 2008...10:11 pm Please! I wanna like Derek Jeter! I do! People don’t believe me when I say that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I think Jeter is an excellent player. I think Jeter is a smart player. I love the guy’s tenacity — he’s only missed 15 games in a season once — and I like his .317/.387/.461 lifetime line, and I respect that he will give you some power, some speed, and more often than not really good at-bats. And heck, I like the personality, the charisma, the star quality, the way other players talk about his leadership — I don’t know what all that’s worth but it’s gotta be worth something. 大家别不相信我说的我真的喜欢Derek Jeter。我说的是真的! 我认为Jeter是一个优 秀的球员。我也认为Jeter是个精明的球员。我爱这家伙的韧性 － 他只曾经在一个球季 里错失15场比赛 － 而且我喜欢他生涯的打击成绩是 .317/.387/.461，同时我尊敬他可 以给你一些火力，一些速度，而且好的打数比不太好的打数多得多。而且我发誓，我欣 赏他的个性、魅力、明星的特质，还有其他球员所提到他的领导方式 － 虽然我不知道 球员提到的领导能力到底价值是多大，但毕竟会有点价值吧。 So why is it that I’m often writing negative things about Derek Jeter? I realized Friday that it has absolutely nothing to do with Jeter himself. No, what drive sme batty is that Jeter — maybe because of his star power, or maybe because he’s a Yankee, or maybe because he’s made some very big plays on the national stage, or maybe because he dated all the supermodels, I honestly don’t know what it is — Jeter brings out this quality in people, this superiority, this … it just drives me insane I don’t know if there’s a word for this quality so, as we do here, I’m going to invent a word. 那为什麽我会常写关於Derek Jeter一些负面的批评呢? 我了解周五的比赛绝对跟 Jeter一点关系都没有。不是他的功劳(但却吹捧得很厉害)，会发生这麽令我感冒的事 因为Jeter － 可能是因为他明星的威力，或是因为他是洋基队员，或是因为他在全国 注目的舞台上有了一些精采的演出，或是因为他和所有的超级明模约会，老实讲我不知 道为什麽 － Jeter对大家散发出这样的气质，这麽杰出，这麽...这种印象让我发狂， 我不知道是否有什麽字眼可以形容这样的气质，我决定自创一个新字。 Jeterate (verb) meaning “to praise someone for something of which he or she is entirely unworthy of praise.” 吉特式地称赞(Jeterate) (动词) 意思 "以他(或她)完全不值得赞赏的事情去赞赏一个人 "。 Example: “The father could not but jeterate his daughter for coloring on the wall because she looked so cute.” 例子: "父亲尽不住吉特式地称赞女儿在墙上的作画，因为她看起来真得很可爱。" Or: “The employee, knowing his job was on the line, jeterated his boss for almost making a 3-foot putt. ‘That was an incredible putt,“ the employee said. ”With that intense break, I doubt Tiger Woods would have even lipped out like you did.“ 或: "员工，为了保住饭碗，便吉特式地称赞老板，虽然他的高尔夫球只作了3尺的推球 入洞。员工说: '哇这麽大的转弯幅度，我怀疑Tiger Woods甚至都打不出老板这样的水 准。" Or: “The doctor jeterated his patient for not actually gaining any more weight since the visit four days earlier.” 或: "医生吉特式地称赞他的病人没有真的增加多少体重，因为他四天前才来看过一次。" And so on. See, the thing is Derek Jeter is such a good baseball player — I mean, we are talking about a no-doubt, first ballot Hall of Famer here — that people don’t need to jeterate him for his fielding. The guy sucks as a defensive shortstop, OK? He’s brutal out there. Every detailed defensive number shows it. He’s back near the bottom again in zone rating and range factor and, I’m sure, the Dewan plus/minus. Plus every scout who pays attention knows he can’t go two steps to his left and his arm is subpar. It’ s OK! Really! He doesn’t have to be Mark Belanger. He’s a great hitter! He plays every day! He’s makes up for some of his flaws with his awareness and mental stamina! I wouldn’t be bothered by his defensive liabilities, I really wouldn’t, except, well, you know, so many people don’t think he HAS defensive liabilities. They give him freaking gold gloves. They knight him Sir Derek of Defensive Wizardry because 238 years ago he tagged Jeremy Giambi and jumped into the crowd on a foul ball. 等等，族繁不及备载。看吧，事情就是Derek Jeter是这麽好的一个棒球选手 － 我 的意思是，我们谈论的是一个无可置疑，第一轮的票选就可以进到名人堂的球员 － 大 家不需要吉特式地称赞他的守备能力。这家伙游击的守备能力很烂，了解了吧? 这是无可 否认的事实。每一份详细的守备数字显示的都是这样，他在守备区域评价(zone rating) 和守备范围因素(range factor)都几乎是吊车尾的，而且我确定在Dewan守备正/负评价 (plus/minus)也是如此。加上每一位注意到他的球探都知道，他左边的守备范围连两步远 都不到，而且他的臂力也在平均水准以下。但这没有关系! 真的! 他没有必要成为拿到八 次游击金手套的Mark Belanger，他是一个伟大的打者。而且他还运用他的球感和强韧的心 理素质弥补他的缺陷! 我不会因为他的守备是种负债而感到困扰，我真的不会，除了，嗯 ，你清楚的，很多人不认为他的防守是种负债。他们给了他狗屁不通的金手套奖项，还封 他为为守备奇才吉特爵士，因为238年前他触杀了Jeremy Giambi，还有为接一个界外球跳 进观众席。 You see what happened there. I completely went overboard again. This is what Derek Jeter does to me. I like Derek Jeter. I do! I wouldn’t even care about Jeter’s deficient defense if certain people would just stop jeterating, stop mythmaking, stop telling me that the numbers are wrong and my eyes are wrong and that Jeter’s defensive brilliance is beyond my understanding, like the size of the universe or the appeal of Drew Barrymore. 你了解当时发生了什麽事，我也会再次回味不已。这是Derek Jeter的表现对我而言 的感觉，我喜欢Derek Jeter，我是说真的! 我甚至不在意Jeter不佳的守备，假如一些人 可以停止继续吉特式地称赞他的守备，停止造神，停止告诉我守备数字有问题，我的眼睛 有问题，而且Jeter绝佳的守备是超乎我的理解程度，就像宇宙的大小非常人可以衡量或 是茱莉芭莉摩的吸引力非常人可以想像。 Of course, this rant wasn’t set off by Jeter’s defense. No. I was driving back to New York from Cooperstown*, where I did more 1975 Reds research (did I mention that I’m writing this book), and I was listening to the Yankees radio network and I heard the worst bit of jeterating I’ve heard in my entire life, and that’s saying something. 当然，这些幻想的言语并不会烘托出Jeter的守备有多好。不会，我从Cooperstown 开车到纽约时，我在Cooperstown*作了很多1975年红人队的研究(我提过我正在写这本书 吗?)，开车的路途我听的是洋基队的广播网，我听到了我一生中最恶心的吉特式称赞法， 那说明了一些事情。 *Here’s how you will know that I was in Cooperstown — I am at this very moment wearing a 1975 Cleveland Indians Crooked C hat. You know I used to be a big hat guy — loved wearing caps — and as my wife will tell you I have like 75 or 80 baseball caps in the closet. But somewhere along the way, I stopped wearing them. This wasn’t a conscious decision; I didn’t wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and say, “That’s it, pally, you’re a grown up now, it’s time to top wearing caps like you’re one of the Peanuts gang.” No. It just sort of gradually went in that direction. These days, for the most part, I only wear caps when I’m trying to prevent sun stroke. But this Crooked C hat that I got in Cooperstown could change all that. I love this hat. 注: 你将会知道我过去在Cooperstwon时是怎麽样的 － 我是一个在任何时候都戴着1975 年克里夫兰印地安人队的拐字C的球帽。你知道我过去是个超爱戴帽子的家伙，就像我的 老婆会告诉你我在柜子里有75或80顶棒球帽子。但在某一个时候我停止这种戴帽子的行 径。这不是什麽痛改前非的决定；我不是某天早上醒来，看着镜子，然後说，"行了吧， 你该成熟点吧，这时候像你这样头上戴着帽子就像史努比中花生家族的成员一样幼稚了。" 不是，我只是有点刚好往这个方向作改变而已。近来，大部份的时候，我戴帽子是为了防 日晒，但是在Cooperstwon得到的拐子C帽则有点不同，我超爱这顶帽子。 1975 Cleveland Indians Crooked C hat请参考以下网址 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00028TOPW/?tag=music2u So, here’s the Jeter scenario. He gets hit by a pitch to lead off the fifth inning. Then the MBGPIBH* Bobby Abreu singles Jeter to third. A-Rod is up. You have the situation in your mind now, right? First and third, nobody out. A-Rod at the plate. 那麽，这就是Jeter情节了。他第五局率先上场因触身球上垒，然後MBGPIBH(注) Bobby Abreu一垒安打让Jeter上三垒，A-Rod上场打击。你现在心中会可以想到这情境 吧，对不对? 1, 3垒有人，无人出局，A-Rod上场打击。 *Most Boring Good Player In Baseball History. You can change “Good” to “ Great” if you feel strongly about it. This is a versatile title. 注: MBGPIBH意思是棒球史上最无聊的好球员，你可以把好改为伟大，假如你的感觉更强 烈一点的话。这是个多方面适用的头衔。 OK, you ready? A-Rod hits a ground ball to third base. Jeter takes off for home. Now, you can argue about whether or not heading home was the right call. I wasn’t watching the game, so I couldn’t tell you if this was a contact play, or if the Mariners were set up for the double play, or if Jeter (gasp) just got caught up. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. What matters is this, Mariners’ third baseman Adrian Beltre threw home and got Jeter into a rundown. Because Jeter is a good athlete, it took the Mariners three throws to get him and this gave the MBGPIBH and A-Rod enough time to get to second and third. 可以吧，你回想好了吧? A-Rod打了一个滚地球到3垒，Jeter冲向本垒出局。现在， 你可能会争论冲向本垒是不是个好的跑垒决定。我并没有看到比赛，我无法告诉你这是不 是一个触击球，或是水手队是设定作双杀，或是Jeter就是跑回来被抓到了。我不知道，但 那不重要。重要的是，水手队的三垒手传向本垒，对Jeter形成夹杀。因为Jeter是个好的 运动员，让水手队来回传了三次才将他夹杀出局，这使得史上无聊的好球员和A-Rod有足够 的时间到二垒和三垒。 So … you got the play in your mind, right? Now, do I need to say any more? If that had been David DeJesus getting caught up in the rundown, or Coco Crisp, or Melvin Mora or Placido Polanco or Endy Chavez or Mark Kotsay or just about anyone else you can think of, it would be described pretty plainly. The runner took off, it was unfortunate, but at least he stayed out there in the rundown long enough to allow the runners to move up. The words “ at least” would have been used, no doubt about it. You don’t throw roses at players for getting caught in rundowns on third base with nobody out. 所以...你心中清楚这守备是什麽情况了吧? 现在，需要我再说一遍吗? 假如那是 David DeJesus被夹杀出局，或是Coco Crisp, 或Melvin Mora或Placido Polanco或Endy Chavez或Mark Kotsay或你想到任何的其他人，会被描述得很平淡无奇，会说这位跑者被 杀出局，是很可惜的，但是至少他夹杀的过程够久让跑者可以多进占垒包。我们会用"至 少"这个字眼，无疑是如此而已。你不用对一位球员在无人出局时，在三垒被夹杀出局的 球员丢上鲜花大肆地吹捧吧。 But … this is Derek Jeter. And so, well, you know what’s coming. The Yankees radio crew — and these are good folk, hard workers, they’re just lost in the Jeter flood like so many — basically sang Hosanas to Derek Jeter for getting caught in a rundown. I’m not kidding here. They went on for five minutes about how the Captain willed those runners to second and third. They kept talking about how not only did Jeter stay in the rundown but he WAVED THOSE OTHER RUNNERS to the bag while he was doing it. Imagine. I was sitting there in the car absolutely stunned. This was Jeterating on a whole new level. He waved the other runners to their bags? Really? Like this: 但是...这是Derek Jeter。而且就是，嗯，你知道会发生什麽事。洋基队广播网的人 员 － 以及这些好人、认真的员工，他们像很多人一样只是迷失在Jeter洪流里 － 基本 上他们对Derek Jeter被夹杀唱起颂赞的圣歌，我不是在开玩笑。他们讲了五分钟关於洋 基队长如何指挥跑者上二、三垒。他们持续颂赞着Jeter是如何延长夹杀的时间，还提到 他在拉长夹杀时还不忘"作着手势指挥跑者"上垒包。我坐在车里完全愣住了。这种吉特 式的称赞已经到了全新的层级，他指挥其他跑者上他们的垒包? 真的吗? 像这样吗? Mind of Derek Jeter: “Oh oh, I’m in a rundown here. I better let those other guys know what to do.” Mind of MBGPIBH: “I like cookies. They are delicious. Especially when they have chocolate chips.” Derek Jeter的心中: "哦哦，我要被夹杀了，我最好让其他人知道要作什麽!" 史上最无聊的好球员Abreu的心中: "我喜欢饼乾，真是美味，特别是巧克力脆片更棒!" Mind of Jeter: “No, Bobby! No! Dammit. I’ll bet he’s thinking about cookies. No! Run to the next base Bobby! No, that base! Third base! Come on Bobby, I can’t stay in this rundown all day.” Mind of MBGPIBH: “I don’t like oatmeal cookies so much. I wonder if it’s the oatmeal.” Jeter 心中说: "不是，Bobby! 不是! 该死的。我敢打赌他在想饼乾。不是啦! 要跑到 下个垒包啦，Bobby! 不，你跑错了不是那个垒包! 是三垒! 别闹了，Bobby! 我时间不 多没办法整天拉长这夹杀啦!" 史上最无聊好球员心中说: "我不是那麽爱燕麦片饼乾，我不知道会不会是燕麦片饼乾。" Mind of Jeter: “NO! That base! I’m waving here! Hello! I’m waving! Third base!” Mind of A-Rod: “Wow, what’s all the waving about. I think Derek’s trying to tell us something!” Jeter心中说: "不对! 别一直想饼乾，不是那个垒包! 我挥的这边! 喂! 我在挥手! 三垒 !" A-Rod心中说: "哇，手挥成这样的意思一定有什麽意思。我想Derek应该设法想告诉我们 什麽事!" Mind of Mencia: “Something utterly not funny.” Menica心中说: "就是一些完全不好笑的东西。" (这是指Carlos Mencia一位有名喜剧演 员和作家，Mind of Mencia是他的个人秀节目) Mind of MBGPIBH: “Um, now, I also like doughnuts, but not the cake ones so much and … oh, hey, Derek’s waving. I better go to third base.” Mind of Jeter: “Whew. Thank you and, oh no, A-Rod, man, you’ve got to run too. Come on, I’m waving here.” Mind of A-Rod: “Is he waving goodbye? Is he leaving? I wonder if I’ll be the shortstop again. Man, I liked being shortstop, you know, I could tell pitchers what to throw and … oh, wait, he’s waving me to second base. Here I go!” 史上最无聊的好球员心中说: "啊，现在，我也爱甜甜圈，但不怎麽爱蛋糕，还有...哦， 喂，Derek在挥手耶。我最好跑到三垒。" Jeter的心中说: "哟，多谢啦终於看懂啦，哦不对拉，A-Rod，喂，你也要跑啊! 别闹了, 我在这里挥手耶。" A-Rod的心中说: "他是不是在说再见啊? 他要离开了? 我不知道我可不可以再当游击手耶 。喂，我喜欢当游击手，我可以告诉投手投什麽球还有...哦，等等，我会错意了他是挥手 叫我到二垒，好我冲了!" No, seriously, this was what they were saying on the radio. He waved them to the next base! What a leader! What a man! Who else in the world could have gotten caught in a rundown long enough to get runners to move up? Wait, did he save a young child from a burning building during the rundown? I believe he did! What a player! What a humanitarian! And then, when Hideki Matsui singled to score both runners, they took it up another step and canonized Jeter. 不是啦，不开玩笑，他们在广播里说的是这样。Jeter挥手要他们跑到下一个垒包! 多棒的领导者! 多赞的男人啊! 世上还有谁可以夹杀的时间拉得这麽长让其他跑者多进 占垒包啊? 等等，在这次的夹杀中Jeter可不可以从燃烧的大楼救出小孩子呢? 我相信 Jeter作得到! 多棒的球员啊! 多有人性关怀的伟大队长啊! 然後，当松井秀喜打出一垒 安打让两位跑者回来得分时，他们的吹捧又更大了，几乎把Jeter封神入圣了。 I suppose posts like this are why people don’t believe me when I tell them that I really like Derek Jeter. I do! I really, really, really do. If only people would just stop. 我猜贴这样的文章会成为大家不相信我真的喜欢Jeter的理由，但我真的喜欢Jeter 。我真的，真的，真的喜欢他。只要人们停止造神就可以了。 --

※ 发信站: 批踢踢实业坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 220.132.198.21 ※ 编辑: leddy 来自: 220.132.198.21 (05/29 10:16)